the closing of another chapter

2010 has been a year of many firsts. Below is a brief summary.

1. First ever job interview which landed me in e2i, no working experience before this.
2. First year in LSBC's YWA zone :)
3. Volunteering experience for a national event - NDP, then SYOG. (the next event was SCMS)
4. Orientation camps in university, starting with CAC, then Psych, then Hall.
5. Clubbing. (not once, but 5 times within 6 months omg)
6. First (academic year) in 12 years not being in a music CCA.
7. Living away from home for long periods of time (hall) and hence, doing my own laundry.
8. The start of university life.
9. ADULT FARES FOR PUBLIC TRANSPORT :(
10. Exams that stretch till Christmas.
11. Joining dance (in hall). Again, with zero prior experience.
12. Vomitting in the car. Haha.


There were many transitions, many instances whereby I had to navigate around on my own.It was hard trying to deal with the new level of independence that accompanies a new phase of education. My degrees of freedom widened by quite a bit, but that was more or less manageable, thank God. Speaking of that, I'm guilty of not including God in my decision-making, where I tried to handle most (actually, all) of them on my own... which, in the process, resulted in several emotional lows.

Post to be continued. I hope. haha.

I've got a fever, I'm hot, I can't be stopped

Things to be thankful for:
1. EXAMS ARE OVER!!!!
2. Fever came after my exams, not before

What really sucks:
1. Thanks to my fever, I'm sitting in my room in hall rotting away instead of clubbing with my psych mates.
2. The exams didn't go well.

Haha, maybe it's God's way of telling me not to party so hard, since I already went with Shengkun and co. last Friday. Before the end of my exams, can you believe that?! I can't! ha ha ha! (okay, must be the fever)

Anyway here's some cool stuff I found on the Internet. Like, wow okay I didn't know that.

Fever serves as one of the body's natural defenses against bacteria and viruses which cannot live at a higher temperature. For that reason, low fevers should normally go untreated, unless accompanied by troubling symptoms.
Also, the body's defense mechanisms seem to work more efficiently at a higher temperature. Fever is just one part of an illness, many times no more important than the presence of other symptoms such as cough, sore throat, fatigue, joint pains or aches, chills, nausea, etc.
(Source: http://www.medicinenet.com/aches_pain_fever/article.htm)

So there's some bacterial or viral infection in my body which explains the elevated temperature?

Maybe it's true

Not long ago, some of my course mates and I submitted our group project for HP102. The hypothesis?

Upward comparison leads to a lower temporal satisfaction with life.

The thing is, I wrote most of the introduction. And though there was insufficient evidence to support our hypothesis, I personally think this hypothesis is true. It's growing on me right now. Whatever was in the introduction of our report is being projected through myself now. I cannot, however, define the duration of 'temporal' here because I have no clue when it will actually come to an end. Temporal would simply mean that it's not permanent.

When your closest peers have all found or have almost found their other half, and you find that you are still very much alone, trust me, you'd wonder if you'd ever meet yours too. Research in cognitive science has shown that humans always make comparisons, and this comes naturally (Strauss & Quinn, 1997). (I'm trying to rephrase my own work here so that I would not appear to be plagiarising my own work. Oh, the frustration.) It gets harder when, as mentioned above, your closest peers (in fact, every one of them) have something and the realisation hits you that you don't have it. This is the reality, the effect of upward social comparison on the perception of your own life. I don't know, I may have experienced cognitive dissonance upon completion of that report, such that my cognitions are being altered so that I actually agree (100%) with the hypothesis, even though we had insufficient statistical data to support it. This feeling of emptiness and dissatisfaction certainly is bothering me, (it's salient and I know it, no need to measure my life satisfaction before and after this awareness,) especially when my exams have just begun and there is this battle going on in my head. All the competing stimuli is getting to me and well, I need to filter some out. It's really depressing.

Today, right now, more than any other time, there is a need to trust God and stop trying to analyse my own life and situations. I hate it when I do this, running to God only when I need help. I really do.

I feel like going to a place where I can be alone and pray, confess and voice my deepest thoughts. Away from the presence of people, away from all worldly distractions. Just me, and my Father.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHh

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhh HELLPPPPPPPPP I DONT WANT TO LOOK AT THIS ANYMORE

okay. Firstly, why do we strive so hard for something that's not tangible? (Like, studying so hard for my five papers within the next 2 weeks?) What is our motivation (all processes involved in initiating, directing and maintaining physical and psychological activities) behind this? It's partially because this gives us an extrinsic motivation, as in monetary gains in the future and a competitive edge in society. Psychologists believe in the need for achievement (n Ach), which is a mental state that gives us a psychological motive to excel or reach some goal, mainly at the conscious level. When we finally manage to achieve that goal, we may be rewarded - intrinsically or extrinsically.


Personality disorders. They show themselves in chronic patterns of poor judgment, disordered thinking, emotional disturbances, disrupted social relationships, or lack of impulse control.


The Pearson correlation measures the degree and direction of linear relationship between two variables. it is computed by r=(covariability of X and Y)/(variability of X and Y separately)

Exams... in December?

As the time draws nearer to the examinations - less than a week now - the stress level once again reaches another peak. It's not THAT high a maximum yet for me, because well. It's not near enough. But the mere look at the stack of notes and textbooks on my desk is enough to will me into studying, a good enough indicator of how much I don't know and how much I need to know.

Currently in the midst of reversing my abnormal body clock back to normality.

Currently deliberately removing myself from civilisation. But still in touch with the world through Facebook :)

While others are playing and enjoying themselves out there, the studying level at NTU has reached an all-time high ....

Oh my gosh I need to study.