I don't know why I keep letting my guard down. Allow myself enjoy you for awhile, then hurting from the knowledge that I was just one out of the few (or many?) you'd had. You clearly aren't into anything serious.. so why the deception?

Everything is temporary. Nothing is permanent. Except for the Word of God.

You are magnificent,
eternally wonderful, glorious
Jesus, no one ever will compare
to you, Jesus

Two weeks till the start of a new school term. With boldness, with His guidance, I shall step into a fresh academic year, seeking Him in every aspect of my life, involving Him in my every decision. At least that's what I wish to do, and it shall become reality.

I will treasure relationships (friendships) more, because they can be so fragile, as I have learnt this summer. One wrong move, one wrong misinterpretation, and things could go awfully wrong, no matter the perceived strength of the relationship. It takes effort to patch things up. Of course it does... and this I have failed to do.

Other than this, well, I will be extra wary of where and who I invest my time, trust and hopes in. I really hate the feeling of falling hard and the experience of pain from that fall.

We cry 'Holy, holy, holy God'

It's late and I should be sleeping but this is something I simply cannot not blog.

Today's prayer concert (or rather, yesterday's) was simply indescribable.

I went to church, not expecting much, but was given much much more than what my tiny heart could contain. I was distracted from the start.. thinking about stuff, about whether Cheryl was gonna appear beside me since I had seats reserved (she didn't in the end haha). Those thoughts vanished when Pastor Beow Chin came up and made the congregation read verses from Matthew 11. The verses that said, Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest .... That slowly started to sink in, and I realised I had been too preoccupied with PFOC, the registrations, emails, payments etc, and I had grown very weary. I was (still am a little) constantly worrying about how the camp will turn out, whether the GLs had emailed or SMSed their freshmen, whether the programmes would turn out okay.. There was just too much that had been on my mind. 

And there, God offered rest. Just when I needed it. 

What was most amazing wasn't just this. It was when Pst Beow Chin did something (I think) nobody would have expected, us being in a brethren church. She said she was going to speak in tongues, and one or more of us from the congregation were going to interpret it. I didn't really know what to expect, until she spoke again in a tongue not understood by us but certainly left an impact on us. I don't know if it was the way she spoke, or the mysteriousness of it all, but I certainly felt a change in the atmosphere. 

People who went up mostly said how God was opening His arms to embrace us, to love us, ... But I felt His holiness in a way that I had never experienced before. I could only stand there, rooted, in awe of His purity and reverence, which just led to weeping. Of course I wasn't the only one who was weeping there.. God's presence was so tangible then, it made me want to go worshiping Him, in proclamation that God's name is holy. 

I didn't go for this year's church camp, but I felt that the encounter at this prayer concert had somehow made up for it. And there's going to be more of such encounters, as I feel that God is going to move in mightier ways in LSBC and in the community. 

Our God is truly an awesome God. 

Coming your way

Still in the midst of typing my OVE post.. Hope to finish it soon. It was nothing short of awesome :)

I've been busy with Psych FOC admin, the freshies have been sending their applications in :) Thank God :) I hope they keep them coming! And need to pray for more psych majors to sign up for the camp too. And the seniors, well I'm trying to work out a suitable date for everyone to have a mass briefing.

On top of that, I'm still thinking of what to do with the logistics. Leave them in HSS building with Psych Division, or move them to Nanyang House. Or ask if we can store them at SAC yet. This is a major headache which I can't avoid, since it's my job...

Reaching Out to CARE

It's the first time I had been away for Singapore for more than a week. My longest time out of the country yet.

No regrets having signed up for NTU Hall 12 OVE 2011.

This remains my favourite photo from the entire trip.. It shows how we're so excited and eager to go out there and do our bit for Cambodia, how we're all prepared and good to go.

Credits: Candice

I could not help but notice the stark contrast between the level of development of Cambodia and that of Singapore. It just made me wonder what's wrong. Why are they still living in such... kampong-type of houses? Why don't they have a proper drainage system? Why are living conditions so much worse than what we have now? Is it because of the inefficiency of government (Cambodian People's Party made sure everyone including the tourists knew who they were by planting signboards everywhere), or the fact that Cambodia is primarily agriculture-based?

After we left Siem Reap for Phnom Penh for R&R, again we saw how different the two states are. It was hard to believe that such major income and infrastructural inequalities exist within the same country. When we passed the hotels and went for buffets (2 dinners 1 lunch), it always made me ache, because after seeing life at Siem Reap, I simply could not absorb the fact that people were living in such poor conditions with such simple meals while we lived like the rich, (again) all within the same country. 

More grateful for what I have now? Yeah, of course. 

Medical help was not exactly accessible... and tourists, unfortunately, get charged with higher consultation fees. At least that was what Chak Mun (our host at the Boys' Brigade Learning Centre, BBLC, at Pouk Village) found out. Marcus decided that I should be taken to the clinic after my body temperature kept rising and remained above 39 degrees on our 2nd last day at BBLC. At first it was at the 37 range, then it increased by at least 1 degree after the absurdly strong wind and rain after lunch, where Shing Kwan walked me back to BBLC and gave the Silk Farm visit a miss. I simply couldn't rest properly that afternoon... so I went out to join my class at their farewell despite the high fever. Bad decision, because my body temperature then rose above 39deg. Ziliang had bought ice for me earlier that day, so that I could be closely monitored sponged (by many friends, it was quite appalling) after that. This happened despite my cries for them to stop. It was that bad, the cold... The tuk tuk ride to and back from the clinic made it worse, my whole body went numb from the cold, such that I couldn't move at all :( Chak Mun and Li Qiao went with me. 

I'm supposed to continue the post.... 

when the meaning of 'home' is questioned

Sometimes I just feel the urge to stay away from home.

Home isn't really home. Just an address on my identification card.


Sometimes hall (12) feels more like home, though there are times where I feel terribly lonely. But right now it seems hall provides more warmth than my residential address does.

Better late than never

Before one can truly enjoy studying, one must have a genuine interest in the subject of study.

And what if that interest is somehow lost?

To simply say that one can ask God for it may sound childish, reflecting a seemingly naive mindset. But doesnt God want us to have child-like faith? To rely on His daily provision (including the motivation and will to study) would be enough to help us live through each day... This, I strongly believe.

No, this is much more than cognitive dissonance.

Bits from HP202

Conscience refers to an internal regulation of standards of right and wrong that involves an integration of all three components of moral development - thought, feeling and behaviour (Kochanska & Aksan, 2007)

Moral development of children 
Piaget - younger children characterised by heteronomous morality (4-7 year-olds, justice and rules can't be changed, properties of the world removed from control of people) and imminent justice (a broken rule results in immediate meting of punishment) , older characterised by autonomous morality (frm 10 years, intentions of the individual are considered, rules are subject to changes, awareness that punishments do not always follow wrongdoing. intentions > consequences)
Kholberg - development from one stage to another is fostered by 1. opportunities to take the perspectives of others and 2. experience of conflict between (i) one's current stage of moral thinking and the (ii) reasoning of someone at a higher level.

when i feel like typing instead of writing

All definitions here are taken from my textbook. Elliot, A., Timothy, D. W., & Robin, M. A. (2010). Social Psychology, (7th ed.). United States, New Jersey: Pearson.

Transactive memory - The combined memory of two people that is more efficient than the memory of either individual. So the memories of individuals together are additive? huh.

Process loss - any aspect of group interaction that inhibits good problem solving.

Resisting

I am very temped to ask you to ____ off, but no, I shall resist, even though your words were really harsh. I don't know if I'm being too sensitive. Either way, you need to watch your tone or our friendship is going to get shakier.

I'm subjected to so much upward comparison every day, it's really scary and stress-inducing. It doesn't help that my social relations are screwed up as well.

Maybe it's because I look so gloomy these days. But how can I not look gloomy when the expectations are so high and I can't live up to them?

Help. Please, help. 

this, among others

(being asked a string of questions, and repeatedly answering 'no')

Me: Tsk! Does it matter?!?!

You: erm... yah..?

I guess that 'yah' was what I wanted to hear. 

Reminder to self: don't be so vulnerable. Lower expectations in this area, or better still, don't expect anything at all. You don't want to be disappointed yet again. 

I feel really miserable now.

I feel like I've let so many people down, even myself.

Why? Whywhywhywhy?

Walking into a building on fire

I never thought I'd break down halfway through a project meeting but well, I did. That's how bad things are and will continue to be this way until 19 May.

Some photos to cheer myself up.

Credits: Joe/WanHui, LSBC

Credits: Wan Hui.
I tried to edit it but ahh editing skills FAIL. 

Credits: Ling Jia, LSBC
I like how we all look so happy with our drinks :D

Credits: Yangyang, NTU Psy/1
The day most of the cohort wore blue to a lecture but our dear Ringo (lecturer, acting head of psych division) pretended not to notice.

Credits: Yangyang, NTU Psy/1
Lunch on blue day!

Credits: Candice, NTU Hall 12
The day we had our Hall 12 Subcomm Appreciation Night. Black ftw.

Credits: Candice, NTU Hall 12
Yes we had our event on a boat. Cool right. 

Credits: Alvin, NTU Hall 12
The people I hang out with in hall. Adopted into their OG.

I just realised that my clothes in the above photos (Bohemian Love 3/4 Sleeves Dress in Cream, Mandarin Collar Lace Top in Navy, Dreamy Pleats Chiffon Dress in Black) are from Hollyhoque. Heck, half my wardrobe is made up of HH's clothes. I'm wearing my backordered Paperbag High Waist Skirt in Cream to church tomorrow, it arrived in the mail this week. HH's clothes cheer me up too.

Now it's back to work. I need a breather, badly. :(

GG

Seriously, this tutorial question will be the death of me !@$#%^& My textbook made a representation that it's an enjoyable subject, I relied on that representation... until I attempted tutorial 10 of MB107 in semester 2 of AY10/11.

Okay whatever.

Legal Definitions

Legal Definition of Ratification

For my own reference.

ratify v. to confirm and adopt the act of another even though it was not approved beforehand. Example: An employee for Holsinger's Hardware orders carpentry equipment from Phillips Screws and Nails although the employee was not authorized to buy anything. The president of Holsinger's ratifies the deal when Phillips delivers the order. A person under the legal age who makes a contract, may ratify the contract when he/she reaches majority (usually 18) or may refuse to honor it without obligation.

--

rescind v. to cancel a contract, putting the parties back to the position as if the contract had not existed. Both parties rescind a contract by mutual agreement, since a unilateral cancellation of a contract is a "breach" of the contract and could result in a lawsuit by the non-cancelling party. (See: rescission)



estoppel n. a bar or impediment (obstruction) which precludes a person from asserting a fact or a right, or prevents one from denying a fact. Such a hindrance is due to a person's actions, conduct, statements, admissions, failure to act, or judgment against the person in an identical legal case. Estoppel includes being barred by false representation or concealment (equitable estoppel), failure to take legal action until the other party is prejudiced by the delay (estoppel by laches), and a court ruling against the party on the same matter in a different case (collateral estoppel). (See: collateral estoppel, equitable estoppel, estop, laches)

Copyright © 1981-2005 by Gerald N. Hill and Kathleen T. Hill. All Right reserved.

Photo: Psych Society Main Comm 10/11

Credits: Marcius Goh, NTU HSS

My gmail account was created for the sole purpose of communicating with these people. :) Okay and for me to use google docs for file-sharing too. 

mysterious

??? Someone read my posts from a certain month in 2006. I wonder who would bother to look at my old posts. Kinda freaky. But the only reason why I still keep this blog is so that I can look back and think how stupid my posts sounded in secondary school. HAHA.

Article: Relatives of NSF’s girlfriend convicted of assault - Yahoo!

Relatives of NSF’s girlfriend convicted of assault - Yahoo!

Okay, I really should be working on Happy Halls now, but I was reading the news and am itching to comment on this.

Somehow I feel that the NSF in question should be defended, with the SAF/maid saga still fresh in the media.

Firstly, age wise, he's now 19, his girlfriend is 14 (yes, o.m.g., I think so too). However, as mentioned in the article, he was 17 when he entered into a relationship with this girl. She was 12 then (seriously, ?!?!). This happened before he enlisted. There was no need for the writer to emphasise that he's an NSF (now) by having these 3 letters in the title of this article.

Secondly, we must look at both sides of the story. While it is obvious that the guy, being older, is expected to be wiser and hence make more rational decisions, external factors must also be considered. I'm not trying to play detective here, neither do I have all the information, just trying to be objective. It is possible that prior to the relationship (if it's even considered one), the girls' actions led him to believe that she was mature enough or worth the risk-taking associated with dating her. The only kind of action on the girl's side I can think of now is seduction, though the very thought of a 12-year-old doing so is downright absurd. Still, !!! It is also possible that both parties were under some other influence, such as peer pressure and the lack of familial support. As we have seen from the violence demonstrated by the girl's family, this possibility cannot be completely ruled out.

Thirdly, I would say that the time allowed for the break up was insufficient. According to the article, "the girl's father, uncle and four other men took away Lee's cellphone and abducted him to a cemetery at midnight. The group then threw physical punches at Lee who was 17 then, and threatened to kill him with a samurai sword" all within the same year that the girl's family objected to the relationship. Surely, wouldn't more emotional support and time allowed enable a more 'effective' separation the separation to fully take place? I don't think it is reasonable to expect them to break up within the same year if the bond between them was tight. Also, there was no need for them to take the guy's possessions, neither was there a need to take him to a deserted location (here it would be reasonable to imply and assume that any cemetery would be almost, if not totally, deserted at midnight). These acts, together with the threat and physical action taken, were completely uncalled for, considering that the time between the day "objections from the girl's family" was first made and the day the assaults started was insufficient time allowed to expect a break up from the couple in question.

I think I'm starting to get confused by my own words.

Bottom line is, the media should not be so quick to imply or demonstrate that the guy is totally at fault. Though I know the issue here is whether the girl's relatives should have done what they did (obviously, NO).

Sigh.. wassup with the world today man?

moving on to the third consecutive week of hell

The first was last week, where there were 2 mid-term papers, HP200 and HP203. The studying was o.m.g. . and I really died for stats. It's the next most @$%)(&^#!*ed up paper after HE191 :( I refused to talk to anyone after that paper. Social psych I know it's only by God's grace that I managed to score within the 50+ marks range (it's out of 60) because I only REALLY studied that like, 2 days before. So yes, very grateful :) Ended the week with a packed Saturday. Hall OVE's pre-CIP at Highpoint, where I was late (paiseh). But it was fun handling food and mingling with the regular volunteers! Prior to this, I had never peeled potatoes or cut honey dews in my life before. Then it was a mad awesome lunch with Candice Amelia Yow Renn at Ikea Tampines, was really happy :D Spent the night/early morning at Rebel, thought there'd be free entry but noooo, guest DJ = must pay :( so ok, pay... and the menstrual cramps acted up halfway -.-  Alvin was nice enough to drop me off after that.

This week was bad too. There was civ supper on Monday (27th March), where I had to facilitate some game while my fellow civ rep who was with me just stood around. Okay, I don't blame her cos' I don't expect her to be able to do what I did cos' she doesn't know anyone else, after all. But still...!! I felt a bit overworked cos I had to arrange for the food AND be station master / game IC. (if only my fellow blk 59 civ reps did just a BIT more work.. oh not to mention I had to design the shirt too.) Well anyway after that night my throat hurt like never before and that night I felt a fever coming. (at this point, I must add that I had been coughing and having a runny nose for a few days already). I woke up the next morning, 2 hours earlier than intended, and sure enough I was rolling around in bed knowing full well that I was down with the fever. Went to the doctor, got 2 days MC, and Amelia and Elizabeth looked after me while I was ill. Very thankful for them! And of course I had to rush the 2 assignments (HW111 and HP203) when I was still sick. Had to battle a bad headache while doing HP203. Found out that one of Amelia's relatives lost her life to cancer and was immediately reminded of the late Aunty Daphne from LSBC, and how cancer is so merciless. Okay, I guess Amelia had it worse than I did because she has to do the 203 assignment AND study for HP202 quiz while dealing with the loss of her relative :( Nothing could have been worse than that :(       and as for me, I'm trying to finish up 3.5 more chapters of HP202 for the quiz (no idea how it's gonna be done). Anyhow, it's been a tough week.

Next week, (actually it's tomorrow.) it's THE killer mid-term, HP202. I mean we had 60 MCQs for HP203. But for 202 it's 60 MCQs AND 20 fill-in-the____ AND 1 short essay question. Oh gosh please tell me I'm dreaming. And I have to get my inventory list for psych soc done and reply Lydia regarding the society's log's storage space (it's kind of 2 weeks overdue), and read up on loads of stuff for HP202 project and report, plus tons of other projects and reports, lah. Not to mention biz law which I have to totally swallow within a week cos' I think it's my turn to present the week after, and without the biz laws I won't be able to apply them and I'll get screwed in front of the class if I'm unable to answer my tutor's questions.

So there. 3 weeks worth of rants which is totally unlike my other posts, which I don't expect anyone to read. There's been a few referrals from my Facebook profile though. Do leave a comment and say hi! Don't be shy! You can't be as shy as I am :) Can't beat me.