Closing of a Chapter

Hi there.

It's been awhile since I last blogged. Well basically this means that life has been manageable, nothing out of the ordinary.

Some updates. Blogging this during work because I can. hehhhhhh.

1. My third HOCC.

Good times :')

Once again, HOCC flew past without regrets. It's an incredible feeling, performing on stage, delivering something you've rehearsed for hours and hours on end with your fellow performers. Thus I'm really thankful for this opportunity to join Hall 12 dance team even though I'm really quite an amateur dancer. (truth is they'll take in anyone who's willing to commit and learn so that a team can be formed :) )

Team photo after the competition! One of my favourites :)
Credits: Ryan Wong

Love this photo too! With some of the girls!
Credits: Jin Xian

A couple of changes were made for the dance (and cheerleading) team this year. Firstly, instead of having the usual dance manager and captain manage the entire dance team, we have a proper committee, with people assigned to take up specific portfolios, or details of the whole process leading to HOCC. As such, having work spread among more individuals greatly reduces the responsibility and stress previously bestowed upon the manager and captain. This naturally led to a greater sense of ownership especially among the committee, which translated into greater combined efforts to lead and motivate the rest of the dancers to get things going.

On stage. "HAH!!"
Credits: Ryan Wong

Secondly, a choreographer was hired to do everything - the choreography, song choice, costume ideas. Once again, having outsourced this, the load is taken off the shoulders of the manager/captain, and inputs were given from our own dancers, such that it became a choreography we could truly call our own. Melissa is really talented and capable, I swear. Our past choreographers have also done a good job, of course, like how Pee Hua stirred in me the interest in contemporary dance and Amelia (roomie!!) gave me the chance to dance in an act-sexy-feel-sexy choreo. Having an external choreographer was clearly different - not only did we benefit from Melissa's expertise, we also allowed her ideas to be displayed in the form of... us. But really, I must applaud her enthusiasm and dedication for taking us through that journey despite having a job which requires her to wake up early in the morning. She was in NTU almost daily by the way, as she was guiding Hall 4 too.

The team after a training session at HSS, our usual training venue. Free-of-charge, but there is a need for some of us to go 'reserve' space after lessons or from 5pm onwards. Mel's the one with the cap :)
Credits: Jin Xian

It feels like this is the only time I get to dance... I'd love to dance again for the next academic year, but that will depend on whether or not I get a room in sem 1. Really, it's worth all the sore muscles, exhaustion, and even the dip in grades :/ Sometimes of course I'd feel like giving up because I was just soooo physically and mentally tired. I mean, dancing till 2 in the morning daily, and having reports and assignments to work on? Friends just don't get why we're doing this. But I always told myself (and the freshies) that it'll all be worth it. On HOCC day itself, even on days where we just look back at all the photos reminiscing the days of pure hard work, we'd smile and be glad it all happened.


2. A (somewhat) restored sense of connectedness and belonging with my course mates.

I used to be a very bitter girl, often in self-pity. It all started when two of my male friends (I shall not name names here) made fun of me, calling me names. Initially, I was able to tolerate their jokes, knowing that it was in the name of fun. The name-calling didn't stop, and it eventually got to the extent where I felt so hurt that I harboured bitterness and hatred towards them. Since they were also part of the same clique, I started to avoid hanging out with the entire group whenever there was a gathering of some sort. It didn't help that they were also very competitive individuals when it came to academics. The pressure took a toll on me and I decided to put an end to my misery altogether by just cutting off ties with them.

Of course, that isn't feasible in the long run - they are my course mates after all, and it does not feel good to constantly make efforts to avoid them all the time. I longed for that kind of fresh and genuine happiness that was experienced during the first few months of my freshman year. I felt God tug at my heart a couple of times, and I told Him yes, I really wanted to forgive them, let go of all existing unhappiness and insults, baring them all at the cross. How else will I be able to let go and move on?

Year 3 was the year I sort of managed to pull myself back closer to the rest of the clique, with one of the guys on exchange and the other taking different modules and there was almost no interaction. I definitely felt more connected and belonged than, say, my second year, where I used JCRC and hall to distract me from all the bitterness arising from facing my course mates.

I thought I could finally forgive them for good move on, until one day where we hung out after work (internship) and it was revealed that a good girl friend had once thought I was attention-seeking and didn't like me in Year 1, which explains why she didn't attempt to stop the two guys from hurling insults at me. Naturally, that opened the floodgates that kept the hurting memories at the back of my mind, and I was once again reminded of how bullied I felt then, even by this girl.

Well, that happened in the past. Yes, who would have thought that I actually went through that? It's so difficult to love those who hurt you, right? But I (try) to love them nevertheless, because Jesus loves us dearly despite the horrible things we do, despite all our impurities. Jesus loved the ones who mocked him and crucified him. I mean, what can be worse than that?


3. The opting out of FYP

I've decided to opt out of FYP because:

(a) there is no way I can pull up my CGPA to get a 2nd class honours (upper division). (Students who opt out will not be awarded one even if their CGPA exceeds 4.0.)
(b) I am not really into research, nor am I considering a graduate diploma or masters programme anytime in the near future.
(c) I think I'd rather take up more modules and be exposed to more areas of psychology

I hope I don't regret this decision...


4. LSBC Choir

Yes.... I'm back in the church's Worship Team! This time, as part of the choir. Here's the story:

I was inactive (not serving in any ministry) for about 4-5 years..? During these five years, my weekends were spent at Chinese Orchestral practices (in ACJC), at NDP trainings/rehearsals/Preview/actual day (in 2010 and 2012), and hanging out with friends. Being in CO and NDP were things I really enjoyed doing, just like how I love dancing. I mean, performing, producing music, and being part of the workforce of a national event? These are experiences that I really treasure :) If given a choice, I would like to return to Heartware Network as a volunteer leader for the ushers - I felt like a super old volunteer among the poly and JC volunteer ushers, and was a bit out of place. >.< still, it was fun interacting with all the spectators, seating them, directing them, and waving goodbye to them. How often do you get to be involved in a national event right? And watch the parade six times for free? (six times, I am not kidding - CR3, NE1, NE2, NE3, Preview, Actual Day)

One of the crazy photo moments with the group. Green sector ushers!
Credits: Riz

While I had fun on these weekends, I felt a little uneasiness, like I've had too much fun and it was time to start serving in church once more. I had been delaying the joining of a ministry for these few years to go out there and participate in other stuff (hey! at least these were healthy activities!)... so it was time to come back. I make it sound as if serving God in church is boring and all haha but actually it's not - it is also fun especially when I'm doing something I like, or if that ministry is where my calling is.

I've always felt that my strength is in music, which was confirmed by Elder Melvin some years back at a church camp where he told me the word God had for me was 'music'. It was definitely from God because Elder Melvin didn't know me personally and there was no way he could have guessed my affinity with it! Hence, I finally put an end to the procrastination and auditioned to join the choir... where I've found no problems fitting in, and I'm happy here :) What greater honour and joy than to serve in God's house right?


5. Internship at WDA

Even before the opening of the HPAP portal I knew that I wanted to secure an internship at WDA. I was seriously considering a career here, and naturally I tried to look out for opportunities to apply to WDA. I tried visiting the WDA booth at career fairs but the HR representatives just asked to apply to the portal - like any other employer D: and they said I must know what I want if I were to join them the following year - the Frontline Divisions, Employment Facilitation, etc.

When the portal opened, I was glad to see that WDA had vacancies and they wanted psychology majors, yet disappointed that there were only three options - as in, three programme scopes. Two were from IAL, something about validation of psychometrics which I didn't want to do. I wanted to do a bit of what the staff from HQ would do - and so I applied for this one, from HRBD (Healthcare, Retail and Business Services Division, a frontline division). I was thrilled when the e-mail notification was received, informing me that I was shortlisted for the interview, and even more thrilled to receive the e-mail stating that I had been accepted. Seriously, I was praying so hard and was so worried that one of the four other candidates would get the job. So imagine the joy when I received the news! I recall that the e-mail was received in the middle of a lecture and I was too excited to focus for the rest of the lecture :P

(to be continued)


5. 7th month.

No, my parents have yet to be informed, but I think my sister suspects his existence. Once, I was showing her a video on my iPad when he replied 'yes dear' on Facebook, and I was so, so horrified at the slip! She just gave me a smug 'hmph', totally implying that she knows something is going on.

The challenge remains - he is a non-believer. This is clearly something which needs to be resolved, and we both know there is only one way....