underestimated... and over.

I wanted to blog about today's fun spent praying and celebrating the nation's 41 years of independence..
But the mood was spoilt by, blogs.
Smarties was right about my relationship with x.
I should have told him more about it la...

My cell group, they're so sweet.
I overheard them talking about getting me a card cos' my bd's approaching and that after all, I'm the cell's birthday i/c.
In other words my job's supposed to be, do something for those whose birthdays are coming...
and it brings joy to see them beaming at what i get the cell to prepare for them.
Them being the birthday guy or girl.

I reflected on how God has blessed the community my church is serving..
Through all the CP work. How many have been saved through this...
The prophecy was just, wowness.
As 800 of us, from the congregation went around praying and having fun in our cells, I'm sure everyone felt the same way.
And then there's also the prayer for the nation.
S'pore's government... for wisdom to continue ruling our country in a good way.
For the multi-racialness among us.
Unfortunately for a very minor percentage, this isn't so.

I need to be like last time, when my relationship with the Lord was much closer,
I had a much closer walk with Him.
But, I also ask myself...
Do I only go to Him when I need help, only when there's trouble?
Plus I blogged about this before.
Somewhere in my archives.

I admit now ok..
Yes, it was planned that we did secular.
I didn't want Christian songs to be totally cut off and so I was a little upset.
But then we did some of it so that was fine. (actually, a bit less than fine)
And then... y'all wanted to go into jrock.
You know my answer, no.
I was stunned that day when four of you were at Joey's house watching the vids,
and all getting high over it.
Stunned that 2 of you went along with it.
I already had plans to leave the band because I could forsee that you were going to go into it.
Then 1 said she only went high together because, ......
So that was ok.

What about the other 1?
You know you're a Christian...

you know very clearly, what was pleasing in the Lord's sight and what wasn't.
And yet you went on with it.
Is it because you are afraid to lose your friendship with them if you don't agree to their plans?
I've blogged about peer pressure too, and I'm sure you've read it.
Stand for what you believe in.

If that's the case, contact me, I have loads to tell you.
But if you're saying that you're into that too,
I have nothing to say.
It's sheer disappointment.

Don't make it sound so like that can.
You, you and you are not "quitting the band".
You're throwing her and me out.
I'll gladly let you throw us out though, jrock and vk are and absolute NO.
You know it's linked to satanism...
As children of God, we'd never ever go against Him.
As I read that particular post on ______'s blog that day...
I was shocked beyond shocked.
I wanted to scream out but no, I controlled and was patient.
Now it's come up to here.

Perhaps Tim's right about regretting...
I know that I picked up bass through him.
But it's becuase you know how to play these instruments, so you're going into it.
I'd rather bass be a stranger than to see you do vk.

I'm gonna be more open.
I cared about all of you...
Till now, I still do.
Even though I'm having mixed emotions, even though I sound like I'm super pissed.
(I am anyway)
(It's never too late to turn back.
I know you too well, by the time you turn back, it'll be the end of the earth already. Still, ...)
We're in a Christian school, you've been brought up in a Christian environment.
With this kind of attitude... it seems like the school's efforts of teaching you to grow up to be women of fine character with a passion for life and learning, has gone down the sewage.
How could you 2 even think of dropping out of shcool...
We dreamed of going far... but with so much backstabbing,
how to?
I pray that God will open your eyes, wider.

Michelle and Christabel's efforts have gone down too.
They really wanted to help, they were concerned about what we were doing.
But it seemed like you really wanted to avoid them and you hated what they were doing.
If you don't mind, I'll fill them in about what's happening within our ex-band.
And let them judge for themselves,

What kind of people you are.

I'll even let them know about that day...
When lies were shooting out from all over.

Why man... why must this even happen.
Now I regret asking Tim to help in the first place.
None of this would have happened.
He would have been just another camp instructor.
No blind mice or some subbing shit.
When you said J______ and her ___e__s were sort of changing his mindset of things, about hanging with us, yes I agreed.
Now that I think of it...
Maybe it was good.
Because none of this would have taken place.
Because, if you hadn't learned from him, you wouldn't have gone into it.

I'm sorry if this shocked you...
But really cannot tahan already, I had to blog this out.
Why? Because I want you to know how I feel, honestly.
I still care. I still treat y'all as friends, but this time, less than normal friends.
And still... it doesn't pay to be caring because you say,
"I don't need your sympathy."
Fine, that's one gone case.

To you;
Don't let silly thoughts run through your mind.
Why why why, thoughts of suicide?
Like I said, it's never too late to turn back.
I've thought of death myself, but am reminded of God's love.
By His grace, I'm still alive and kicking.
[edited]
And now you come and tell me I wouldn't understand?
Forget it. Why do I keep on pressing on, and you keep on running away?
I'm not going to persue the matter.
But unless you tell me what's up with you
I'm not giving a damn to what you want to do with your life.

Why did I even want you two to make it up...
Because I hated the sight of people having rows at each other.
Now your 3 smses have frigging changed my entire perception of you.
I won't bother to go down to your level and have an sms war with you.
Wasting my msges only...

Oh yeah, you also...
You loved jamming without me, so you could have the instrument all to yourself.
Selfish thoughts never fail to exist.
You didn't give a shit about what others think, that's ok.
BUT.. to that extent...
It was too much.
Now you CAN have the instrument to yourself, all the time.
You aren't going to compete with me.
Go ahead.
I ain't wishing you luck with vk.
Why should I wish people all the best when they're turning against God.

Some people say...
I'm too soft-hearted.
I think this time it hardened a little.
[edited/]