Her heart sank as she fixed her eyes on the numbers that determined her grade on her examination script.

"My fault again... Why didn't I give my best?" she muttered under her breath.

Regret took its place in her, invading her, overwhelming her, diffusing into every part of her. She failed to understand why she had, time and again, allowed distractions to obstruct her path to success.

She sat helplessly at her desk, staring blankly at her school mates whose eyes reflected joy that she thought she will never be able to have.

to be continued......

RANDOM

haha this is so funny, i was looking through my older email...
brings back fond memories.
an email from Dr Emilia Wong.

Hello Girls,

Just a reminder: NO GROUP VIOLIN on 9/8/05.
I shall see all of you on 16/8/05 TUE, 3pm

2:30pm Jacqueline with the new girls
3:00pm Dr Wong take over the new beginners while the older girls practice
3:30pm Dr Wong take over the older girls while new beginners practice
4:00-4:30pm for those taking exam

Please practice your instrument at least 15-30 minutes everyday. I SAY again: EVERYDAY.

Also someone (Hilary, Jacqueline, Grace?) please inform Jane and Eunice, I don’t have their emails.


Thank you all and have a good break


p/s Miss Loh, possible to have 2 rooms? One for the older girls to play while I teach the new beginners in another room. It was kinda crazy last Tuesday.

I miss playing the violin. I miss Dr Wong. I miss the whole violin enrichment programme which failed miserably.

OVER THE MOON

I LOVE MRS TAN MEI LING

THERE WAS A MISTAKE IN MY ANSWER SCRIPT.. I THINK SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO MINUS 2 MARKS BUT NO, WHEN I WENT UP TO HER, SHE ONLY TOOK AWAY 0.5 MARK (nvm i pretend i gave the mark away to joey ahha)

tomorrow ---> e maths paper! syf pieces for the last time! er. piano lesson! <--- i'm so not looking forward to these.

i swear (oh wait cannot swear) my posts are getting shorter.

Yes Joe I am praying praying praying praying praying about the clash. Sophia is right..
"It's only a dinner"
Yea but it's not just another dinner.
Hmm my current status? Waiting for confirmation. haha. and i havent even talk to my parents about the clash of the 2 events. why? don't dare -.- but it's true ok. uhhh.

youth ablaze worship

Good job Team 2 vocalists! We did it! Whenever Nd leads, it spells d-i-e for his backup singers because I think he's a counter-tenor. The keys are ALWAYS very high.
Yesterday's Rain Down and Holy is the Lord really stretched us but we didn't kill chickens!
Christel and Nd even said we handled the high notes well hahahah yay praise the Lord.

Addicted to Sonata Op. 13 "Pathetique" 2nd movement

post-preliminary exams

Yucks I hate the colour here why can't they have a nicer one!
4c2's informal photo
DISC profiling ---> I'm a peacemaker! hahaha it's so true.
At least that's what I think. I'm not a dominating kind of person.
Stayed back in school with Hilary (Tan) and Charmaine (Seow), the D ppl.
Wah they were debating and arguing over small matters.. -.-
And I found myself trying to shut them up. Just like what the report says.
OH it also states that I can be a social worker and police officer and teacher ... ...
Don't have accountant or musician leh sad.

I wanna complain about my music teacher.
For CA3 practical, he wrote LONNNNNG comments for my entire music class except for me.
I got a 2-line comment. Like hello how am I going to improve if you only write 2 lines?
For my O level music composition, same thing, tell everyone how they can improve, but when he heard mine, guess what he said?
"Mmm. Yours is ok. Good."
And he walked to another girl. Wahlao. I'm not perfect lor he could have just helped me but no, never. The rest of the class got a different treatment.
For prelim, practical, SAME THING. He commented on everyone else's playing, but not mine.
I asked if there was anything I can improve on, asked him to talk about mine, but he just gave the same lame excuse that he couldn't focus/couldn't remember much because there are many students. "It was ok," again.
...
wth?? hey can you not always do this to me?
Lastly. He has the whole class' contact numbers. I know this because I received an SMS from him, ONCE.
After that I never got anything.
There was once he sent a msg regarding some extra lesson.. and I didn't get it.
I only discovered there was an extra lesson when I think Fiona asked me if I was going.
I thought he had simply missed my name.
I thought only.
Today Hil, Jia Yan, Xi Ying, Fiona and Char all received the same msg from him, and I got nothing.
If not for them, I would have been kept in the dark about the returning of our prelim paper.
Missed my name? right....

I know I shouldn't be thinking this way, it's very negative.
I shouldn't bear grudges too. However I can't help but notice I'm treated differently from the rest you know. Urgh, ok, whatever. Looks like I really have to depend a lot on self-studying for music.


Got a huge problem now...
Prom (27 Nov) clashes with the mission trip to Aceh (27 Nov to 1 Dec).
I really want to go for BOTH
BUT, I've already paid for the prom! $60 you know..
Lord, where do You want me to go?
It's my last year in PL. This graduation dinner means a lot to most of us.
I don't want to miss the mission trip either,

HOw how how how????
It's hard to say that I'll do whatever the Lord leads me to.
Very difficult.
But look at Abraham... He was willing to give up his son, "whom (he) love(s)".
Am I giving up the graduation dinner which marks the end of my journey in PLMGS, or the opportunity to work with the less fortunate...?
(The Potter's Hand is playing on my iTunes now... know what Darlene is singing? "Take me, mould me, use me, fill me. I give my life to the Potter's Hand". Haiz this feels like a test. Btw my iTunes is on shuffle.)

prelims are ending!

4 more subjects
2 more papers
1 more practical
1 more day

so much closer to o levels

check this out will you? created by yours truly =)
http://olevelmusicrevised.blogspot.com
hopefully this will get me hyped up for music cos' today's paper really sucked and i'm losing interest.

CAPPED POST

SOMEONE ELSE TURNS 16 TODAY, AND THAT'S MY CLASSMATE OF 10 YEARS!
10 SHORT YEARS!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SARA!!!!!

AND I REALISED I FORGOT SOMEONE ELSE...
HAPPY BELATED 16TH LING YING PLS STOP GOING TO TOWN SO OFTEN AND STAY AT HOME, BE A GOOD GIRL AND STUDY!

OK THE REASON WHY I'M SO CAPPED TODAY IS..

I LOST MY HAYDN SYMPHONY NO. 104 FIRST MOVEMENT SCORE!!!
I'M ASKING FOR TROUBLE CAN!
THIS IS SO MUCH 'BETTER' THAN STRIKING 4-D!
OH SHIT... I JUST KILLED MYSELF.....
MUSIC PAPER IS TOMORROW HOW HOW HOW HOW

NVRMIND..
PRAY
PRAY
PRAY

I WANT TO COMPLAIN ABT THE SUPER CARELESS MISTAKE(S) I MADE IN THE POA PAPER 2 BUT IT'S NO USE SINCE THE PAPER'S ALREADY SUBMITTED. ARGH.
I MISSED LUNCH TODAY COS I SLEPT FOR THE WHOLE AFTERNOON COS I DIDN'T SLEEP LAST NIGHT. MUGGED FULL FORCE UNTIL IT WAS TIME FOR SCHOOL.
OK LA I DID SLEEP AT THE TABLE FOR MAYBE AN HOUR. SHIT GOT CHINESE AND MUSIC TMR HOW...

PRAY
PRAY
PRAY

5 more papers
1 more practical
3 more days

Not running the race alone, no =D

To the one who called me a robot (wth)...
Have a very blessed 16th!
;)

I love you Jesus, deep down in my heart!
(at least you're smart enough to highlight the text)

GET WELL SOON, LAI THENG!!! =D

perfect day to chill out (not)

I can do it, but I choose not to.
Not weak but meek you see...
Obedience isn't a sign of weakness.
Learned a lot from Saturday's youth service =)

Hmm that morning, Horse, Joanne, Madeline and I went for the ACJC open house.
Saw a few familiar faces - Gerdine who's in band, Charlotte (tht's her name right?) in strings, Hillary's good friend (crap forgot her name) in table tennis, Johanna from ???, Nicole Mao's face on the student council board...
Aaaaah their performing arts.....!! Saw their CO playing, and their dance (I was too awed to take a photo)They lowered the cut-off point.. I think I can forget about going there haha.
Late 3 times = 1 demerit point! Journey there takes more than an hour, am I willing to sacrifice that kind of time to travel all the way there?
Wait a minute. I can't even get below 15 points -.- maybe poly is a better choice?
Plus, there's no PE! wahahahs

Sunday - went back to school for duet practice with Fiona and Jia Yan.
Our concert hall/auditorium was being used for some musical.

I've got no comments about Monday's elective lit. Neither do I have anything to say about yesterday's ss. Just gotta manage my time better and memorise the correct facts. Maths? Better not say anything until the results are out.
The examination hall looks intimidating, really.

Ohohoh the SAF vocal ensemble is freaking cool!

Melody says the reason for my early ______ is because of stress.
I think so too. My skin is rebeling as well.
Running the race.. keeping the faith?

Wonder how it's like to be crooked (as in not straight) uh,never exactly thought of that before.

blogging my life away

My current state of mind is one that reflects millions of question marks.
Can you see them emerging from the shadows?
It wasn’t what I thought had turned out to be.
I’m in no position to judge, but it appears that it is taking a u-turn…?
Maybe she's right. I have given some thought to her words lately.
Apparently... the stronger ones will not do things against their better judgment.
Let our old robes sit easier than our new indeed!
Reminder to self: I don't have the right to judge others; therefore I will remain neutral on the surface. Surface only. But here, and deep inside… it spells c-o-n-f-u-s-i-o-n

I need to pray more and read the Bible more, I need God more than ever...
"I'm coming back to the heart of worship, and it's all about You.. all about You, Jesus"
Inside is a thirst so desperate to be quenched. So empty, so helpless without the Saviour.

Of course this is definitely not the time to get all screwed and emotional, neither is it the time to go in-depth thinking about stuff.

As people always tell me, “don’t think so much.”
Hello, preliminary examinations.

This will bore you so don’t read.
I think I won’t be able to go far as a solo performer. I’ll do much better with a performing arts group. Ensemble, for example. Hehe I’ve already made up my mind about which CCA to join in poly/JC. My only concern is, will I be taken in if I have music background (grade 8 piano/music O level/grade 2 violin/handbell ringer in a well-known ensemble) but no prior knowledge or rather, very minimal knowledge about the this particular CCA I want to seal myself in? Usually when I start to have an interest in a particular music group, I’ll do almost anything within my means to be part of it.
I remember those days, back when I was in P6. I knew I was going to PL Sec. And I made up my mind, JOIN HANDBELLS, which was my first choice. Harp was 2^nd choice, guzheng 3^rd. The latter wanted to take me in but I hesitated and turned down their offer (on the day of the audition), why? Because if I got into PLHB, good. If I didn’t, I’d end up in St. John’s. Like no way I’m not the marching type. When the CCA results were out back then, I was so delighted I cried ok. Joining PLHB = no regrets although nobody knew at that time that can go to Japan in 2007. No one knew about the Gold with Honours either. PLHB has trained my listening and pitching skills cos’ now I reckon I’m 80% pitch-perfect. Haha.

Horse and I saw Paul Twohill at Macs just now!!!!
The one at Kovan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! omg omg omg
I know his hair sucks but still...!

second thoughts

Freedom?

Freedom?

As I go about my usual rounds of blog-surfing... the word "freedom" keeps appearing in different blogs, all being used in the same context.

(no. of days) to freedom.

Is that so? And thus I question myself.
Freedom?
I think otherwise.

This is just the beginning.
Correction: this is the PRE-beginning, if there's such a thing.
This, is the fundamental stage. Ruin it, and screw your future.
Of course there are other alternatives.
But that's for people who are willing to waste (note that I didn't say "sacrifice") extra time.
YearS, to be more specific.

drawing nearer

The guzheng OLM girls will teach me how to play the instrument after O's.
So will the OLM harpists, with their harps =) SO now I must study hardddd and give my best, after that we'll have all the time in the world to play around with instruments (illegal haah) and attend camps... e.g. TP/NP

Prelims are next week.
I hope the chunks of information I memorise during the week will not erode.
Or be weathered biologically, physically or chemically.
It better be divergent, not convergent.
Green revolution will make me scream.
Haha right this is getting more geog-like...