Too much squeezed into a semester seriously :(
Really need to come down but I CAN'T!!! AH I'M SO SCARED
Monday, April 30, 2012
bag of nerves
I am so, so,, so, so, so so so so freaking nervous now for my accounting paper at 5pm!
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Looking back,
I think my blogging style has changed a lot when I read my posts from my teenage years. Early to mid-teens, that is. It's quite hilarious, the amount of Singlish I used and how I commented and talked about every single thing that I did, how there were friends who read this blog with my *urgh* absolutely disgusting blogging style. Haha. But hey, that's what a blog is for right? Look back, and see how much change I have gone through. How the Singlish has been cut dramatically, how I attempted to move on to more serious things in life, how I started blogging about other issues and adapted a more serious tone just so I could practice writing for certain papers like GP.
I'm glad to say that this space is still being used. Survived my whole teenage life. Moving into early adulthood with me, and many more years to come, I hope :)
It's a really good platform for reflections and rants. I don't post anything unpure because this reflects who I am :) And I wish to remain clean. For God, of course.
People get busier over the years. Friends come and go. I don't know how many of my friends still blog. One thing for sure, the friends who used to visit this space so regularly are distant friends now. Not that I want traffic; I very much enjoy the low readership cos' I don't have to exercise so much censorship for my thoughts made public -.- I think I only have 1 or 2 readers now? I don't even know who they are!
And of course... I still am ambiguous with my words now and then. Not ready to pour my entire heart out here just yet. Don't think I ever will.
I'm glad to say that this space is still being used. Survived my whole teenage life. Moving into early adulthood with me, and many more years to come, I hope :)
It's a really good platform for reflections and rants. I don't post anything unpure because this reflects who I am :) And I wish to remain clean. For God, of course.
People get busier over the years. Friends come and go. I don't know how many of my friends still blog. One thing for sure, the friends who used to visit this space so regularly are distant friends now. Not that I want traffic; I very much enjoy the low readership cos' I don't have to exercise so much censorship for my thoughts made public -.- I think I only have 1 or 2 readers now? I don't even know who they are!
And of course... I still am ambiguous with my words now and then. Not ready to pour my entire heart out here just yet. Don't think I ever will.
sounds in the hall toilets
This is a lame post, but it's something that captured my attention recently, for I-dunno-what reason, and I decided to blog this :)
1. Banging sounds
These are likely to be the sound made by the guys in the toilet upstairs when they hit the taps.
The water from the tap at the basins flow for only 2-3 seconds, you see. It's a little difficult for us when we're trying to cup water for rinsing our mouths or faces. The force used to press the tap for water increases when we're agitated.
1. Banging sounds
These are likely to be the sound made by the guys in the toilet upstairs when they hit the taps.
The water from the tap at the basins flow for only 2-3 seconds, you see. It's a little difficult for us when we're trying to cup water for rinsing our mouths or faces. The force used to press the tap for water increases when we're agitated.
Friday, April 27, 2012
Abnormal Psychology Videos
I was looking for some videos related to abnormal psychology to watch while having lunch today, and I came across this YouTube channel by the University of Maryland School of Medicine which seems quite useful in aiding revision for the upcoming paper on Abnormal Psychology. They have it in the form of a talk show, rather than documentary.
Watched the schizophrenia videos which helped recall some parts of what I read in my textbook, although of course it isn't that complete. But still good :)
Schizophrenia
Watched the schizophrenia videos which helped recall some parts of what I read in my textbook, although of course it isn't that complete. But still good :)
Schizophrenia
Thursday, April 26, 2012
3rd paper down!
So we had Cognitive Psychology paper today.. As always, I'm not actually satisfied with my performance because I know I could've studied more. There were things which I did read but did not go into detail, did not make an extra effort to remember those - and those were required for the essays, sigh. I actually thought of MC-ing the paper again. But I really do not want to repeat another semester of this.
I have nothing to say about HP308 - Psychology in the Workplace. Worst paper ever. Too much declarative knowledge was required, something I've never been good with. Too many blanks, too much smoking. I'm prepared to get a fail grade for this. I'd rather see a fail than a C grade, actually. At least I can still retake the paper if I fail it.
Fundamentals of Communication Studies. An elective. Out of the whole lot, that was the easiest to study for. I could complete one chapter in half the time it takes (or less) to complete a psychology chapter. Unfortunately, I didn't put enough effort into remembering the content in detail.. and I was not able to give my best for the essays :( I forgot stuff during the paper, and really thought it was such a waste. There goes my A grade. I feel so doomed this semester.
Two more papers next week, accounting on Monday, and Abnormal Psych on Wednesday. I haven't lost my drive yet; the need to achieve and save whatever's left of my GPA is too strong. The reading room is becoming emptier by the day, there's no competition for tables anymore, boooo. Less incentive to come here.
Eileen has ended all her papers so I'm here without any friends. I've taken over her table as the one I'm used to is way too cold.. being right under the air-con. I always end up being an ice cube. Ok so the problem is, the girl who sits beside this table - the girl who gets takeaways to eat here - SHE SIGHS A LOT. LIKE, A LOT, LOUD AND HEAVY SIGHS. Yes, that is annoying too. Sorry I need to bitch a bit. I mean yeah I know she's frustrated, I feel her, but she sighs ALL THE TIME oh gosh. I'm going to change table tomorrow so I don't have to sit beside her and get pissed off.
That aside.. I wore new clothes today! :) Here's my outfit for the 3rd paper.
That aside.. I wore new clothes today! :) Here's my outfit for the 3rd paper.
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| 45deg view. Ignore the dynamo please. |
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Monday, April 23, 2012
:)
Don't frown, don't get upset.
NOTHING will ever be significant enough to induce wrinkles on your forehead, nor around your eyes.
Unless you let them be. You have a choice, remember that.
You may not be able to control your circumstances, but you certainly can control yourself. :)
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Thinking of micro-blogging here instead, in the long-run... as in, saying stuff in bits and pieces in one consolidated post for the day. Twitter isn't safe anymore.
How ironic, that I may perceive a public blog to be safer than a protected micro-blogging account.
I cannot NOT rant somewhere because typing stuff out helps me displace my conflicts. I don't like the idea of building up everything within me. So... if one platform doesn't work out, I look for alternatives :)
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Yes, you have a choice.
Let them destroy you and give in to what they want, or make use of your entitlement, and feel empowered for having tried.
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EDIT: Okay according to my text (Communication Mosaics: An Introduction to the Field of Communication, Sixth Edition, by Julia T. Wood), when I do this, I am engaging in a process of positive self-talk - a way to interrupt and challenge negative messages from self and others. It's used to resist counterproductive communication about myself. It's the opposite of self-sabotage, which involves telling ourselves we are no good, we can't do something, there's no point in trying to change, and so forth. It defeats us because it undermines our belief in ourselves. Self-sabotage is poisonous; it destroys our motivation to grow. Mental note: ALWAYS engage in positive self-talk instead of self-sabotage :)
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EDIT: Okay according to my text (Communication Mosaics: An Introduction to the Field of Communication, Sixth Edition, by Julia T. Wood), when I do this, I am engaging in a process of positive self-talk - a way to interrupt and challenge negative messages from self and others. It's used to resist counterproductive communication about myself. It's the opposite of self-sabotage, which involves telling ourselves we are no good, we can't do something, there's no point in trying to change, and so forth. It defeats us because it undermines our belief in ourselves. Self-sabotage is poisonous; it destroys our motivation to grow. Mental note: ALWAYS engage in positive self-talk instead of self-sabotage :)
Culture?
Just some thoughts while revising.
Singapore. Located in south-east Asia, which is a subset of Asia, giving its citizens the title of 'Asians'. Where the racial groups are predominantly Chinese, Indian, and Malay.
So being born in this continent makes us Asian. Well-known Asian features and values such as filial piety and collectivism are practiced and passed on.
What about our actual behaviour? How exactly are we communicating with others? How do most people work? What are their ambitions, dreams, thoughts?
In schools, students are taught to speak up, stand up for themselves, look directly at others' eyes while communicating - both as a speaker, and as a listener. This happens in the marketplace as well.
Does this reflect anything about being Asian, American, European, Australian, or African?
No.
My point is, reasearchers need to take into account the aspect of globalisation. Times have changed. Hybrid cultures are springing out. There has to be less generalising in the discourse, more qualifying statements.
EDIT: OKAY, I just read further into the text, the author did clarify that these are very broad generalisations, included to reflect the practices of the minority groups. :) I am satisfied now.
Singapore. Located in south-east Asia, which is a subset of Asia, giving its citizens the title of 'Asians'. Where the racial groups are predominantly Chinese, Indian, and Malay.
So being born in this continent makes us Asian. Well-known Asian features and values such as filial piety and collectivism are practiced and passed on.
What about our actual behaviour? How exactly are we communicating with others? How do most people work? What are their ambitions, dreams, thoughts?
In schools, students are taught to speak up, stand up for themselves, look directly at others' eyes while communicating - both as a speaker, and as a listener. This happens in the marketplace as well.
Does this reflect anything about being Asian, American, European, Australian, or African?
No.
My point is, reasearchers need to take into account the aspect of globalisation. Times have changed. Hybrid cultures are springing out. There has to be less generalising in the discourse, more qualifying statements.
EDIT: OKAY, I just read further into the text, the author did clarify that these are very broad generalisations, included to reflect the practices of the minority groups. :) I am satisfied now.
Friday, April 20, 2012
Alzheimer's Disease?
References in this post are taken entirely from Fundamentals of Abnormal Psychology, sixth edition, by Ronald J. Comer.
What are the structural and biochemical causes of Alzheimer's disease?
1. Abnormal formation of proteins
Background: Proteins are produced in key brain cells as new memories are formed. In the brain of an Alzheimer's patient, the amount of neurofibrillary tangles (twisted protein fibres found within the hippocampal cells and certain other brain areas) found are much higher than the average aged person. Senile plaques (sphere-shaped deposits of a small molecule known as the beta-amyloid protein that form in spaces between cells in the hippocampus, cerebral cortex, and certain other brain regions, as well as in some nearby blood vessels) are also found in excessive amounts as compared to other aged persons.
Research suggests that some of the above proteins may take an abnormal form and run amok in people with Alzheimer's disease. Studies suggest, for example, that two important proteins - beta-amyloid protein and tau protein - operate abnormally in such individuals, which seem to be involved in the formation of senile plaques in the hippocampus and other brain regions, and formation of neurofibrillary tangles in those brain regions respectively.
I hope my paraphrasing isn't too confusing :/
What are the structural and biochemical causes of Alzheimer's disease?
1. Abnormal formation of proteins
Background: Proteins are produced in key brain cells as new memories are formed. In the brain of an Alzheimer's patient, the amount of neurofibrillary tangles (twisted protein fibres found within the hippocampal cells and certain other brain areas) found are much higher than the average aged person. Senile plaques (sphere-shaped deposits of a small molecule known as the beta-amyloid protein that form in spaces between cells in the hippocampus, cerebral cortex, and certain other brain regions, as well as in some nearby blood vessels) are also found in excessive amounts as compared to other aged persons.
Research suggests that some of the above proteins may take an abnormal form and run amok in people with Alzheimer's disease. Studies suggest, for example, that two important proteins - beta-amyloid protein and tau protein - operate abnormally in such individuals, which seem to be involved in the formation of senile plaques in the hippocampus and other brain regions, and formation of neurofibrillary tangles in those brain regions respectively.
I hope my paraphrasing isn't too confusing :/
Saturday, April 14, 2012
What annoys me - Reading Room special
1. People who have their MEALS in there
You wanna snack, eat a bun or some chips or finger food, that's fine. In my opinion. But bringing your noodles and rice in? Especially the kind that gives a strong smell? Excuse me, have you ever thought about how that distracts your fellow muggers?
2. Couples who display their affection and are not silent when doing their thing. Then start kissing. Major turn off.
You wanna cuddle and kiss, go back to your room. It's not like it's 500m away. We are in HALL. Show your affections physically in the comfort of your room, and not in public. Worse still, you do so more than once every hour, and it's not like you're whispering. You're talking softly. That isn't the same as whispering and IT IS DISTRACTING, TOO.
3. People who use their allocated electrical socket, PLUS their neighbour's.
What else can I say? You use one socket for your table light, and another for your laptop charger. So your neighbour is supposed to study without the table light because of you?
4. Runny nose? Do not sniff so loudly. You will get hate points for disturbing everyone, zero sympathy points.
5. Mumbling people who regurgitate their notes while trying to memorise.
The drone of your voice gets on our nerves. We are trying to memorise stuff too, hello.
It's the exam period. I'm a lot more irritable now, so stuff like that really get me agitated.
You wanna snack, eat a bun or some chips or finger food, that's fine. In my opinion. But bringing your noodles and rice in? Especially the kind that gives a strong smell? Excuse me, have you ever thought about how that distracts your fellow muggers?
2. Couples who display their affection and are not silent when doing their thing. Then start kissing. Major turn off.
You wanna cuddle and kiss, go back to your room. It's not like it's 500m away. We are in HALL. Show your affections physically in the comfort of your room, and not in public. Worse still, you do so more than once every hour, and it's not like you're whispering. You're talking softly. That isn't the same as whispering and IT IS DISTRACTING, TOO.
3. People who use their allocated electrical socket, PLUS their neighbour's.
What else can I say? You use one socket for your table light, and another for your laptop charger. So your neighbour is supposed to study without the table light because of you?
4. Runny nose? Do not sniff so loudly. You will get hate points for disturbing everyone, zero sympathy points.
5. Mumbling people who regurgitate their notes while trying to memorise.
The drone of your voice gets on our nerves. We are trying to memorise stuff too, hello.
It's the exam period. I'm a lot more irritable now, so stuff like that really get me agitated.
Friday, April 13, 2012
I should probably stop feeling bitter and angst that you expect to borrow my resources, while treating me like some freak and acting all awkward and cold when you see me. I am human, excuse me, and I am well able to detect such gestures which you make no attempt to conceal. It's kinda like too obvious. Not wanting to sit near me in lectures, noticing my presence and then laughing at some exclusive inside joke. Et cetera. I know full well that I am not deluded. Your actions speak volumes.
But God says I should provide you with what you want, love you, and speak kind words to you. So I should not be feeling bitter.
Yet I am.
Ongoing reminder to myself to be nice, for every little deed goes a long way. And it's what God wants us to do.
Maybe it'll be easier if I keep telling myself to be calm and stop overreacting and pretend everything is normal.
But God says I should provide you with what you want, love you, and speak kind words to you. So I should not be feeling bitter.
Yet I am.
Ongoing reminder to myself to be nice, for every little deed goes a long way. And it's what God wants us to do.
Maybe it'll be easier if I keep telling myself to be calm and stop overreacting and pretend everything is normal.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Live as children of light
I was looking out for the verse of the day on my YouVersion bible app, but opened Ephesians 5 as it was displayed on my home page. I can't recall if I've set a kind of daily reading plan for it T_T which may explain that. But yeah anyway I read it and thought it was quite applicable.
What was most salient to me was verse 4 - "Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving". It is so very common in university and especially at this age, where friends are constantly making sick jokes, jokes with sexual innuendos, freely using profanities, among other forms of speech. Language is so beautiful and yet it can be used in transmission of such unclean, unholy stuff. I was, initially, uncomfortable with hearing these (the sick jokes), but eventually got used to them and even started saying them as well. This is a reminder: not to engage in such conversation, but to live wisely (verse 15) and watch my actions.
I love praising and worshipping God through songs. It's through music (and dance, actually) that my innermost feelings can be expressed, and make me feel more engaged with God. In fact I worship more than I pray. So when I read verses 18-20, something just clicked. I've always wanted to have a kind of Christian group in hall where residents can worship together, share the Word, and pray for one another, including the hall. I've always envisioned this... maybe it's time to start this again next year, because this really lifts the spirit and life would be so much more meaningful. And pure.
God's Word is so practical, and yet contains so much wisdom. The challenge comes in trying to live as He wants us to.
1 Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children 2 and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
3 But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. 4 Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. 5 For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a person is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.[a] 6 Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God’s wrath comes on those who are disobedient. 7 Therefore do not be partners with them.
8 For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light 9 (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) 10 and find out what pleases the Lord. 11 Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. 12 It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. 13 But everything exposed by the light becomes visible—and everything that is illuminated becomes a light. 14 This is why it is said:
“Wake up, sleeper,
rise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you.”
15 Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, 16 making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. 17 Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. 18 Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit, 19speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, 20 always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.
What was most salient to me was verse 4 - "Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving". It is so very common in university and especially at this age, where friends are constantly making sick jokes, jokes with sexual innuendos, freely using profanities, among other forms of speech. Language is so beautiful and yet it can be used in transmission of such unclean, unholy stuff. I was, initially, uncomfortable with hearing these (the sick jokes), but eventually got used to them and even started saying them as well. This is a reminder: not to engage in such conversation, but to live wisely (verse 15) and watch my actions.
I love praising and worshipping God through songs. It's through music (and dance, actually) that my innermost feelings can be expressed, and make me feel more engaged with God. In fact I worship more than I pray. So when I read verses 18-20, something just clicked. I've always wanted to have a kind of Christian group in hall where residents can worship together, share the Word, and pray for one another, including the hall. I've always envisioned this... maybe it's time to start this again next year, because this really lifts the spirit and life would be so much more meaningful. And pure.
God's Word is so practical, and yet contains so much wisdom. The challenge comes in trying to live as He wants us to.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Musings
Don't think I've blogged this yet - Lei Hoi's hamsters gave birth awhile back and I adopted one from her :) My hammy's named Oyster. It's a very random name, I know. Oyster's really adorable and hyperactive/overstimulated on some nights. I can never hold her when she's like this.
She currently lives in a cage under my table :) She keeps the loneliness away. I can watch her for an hour without being bored.
The tree trunk is so in the way -.-
Wasn't easy trying to get a clear shot of her!
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| Taken with Instagram |
She currently lives in a cage under my table :) She keeps the loneliness away. I can watch her for an hour without being bored.
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| Taken with Instagram No filter |
This is what I look at every Tuesday as I wait - with much annoyance - for the arrival of Bus C at the bus stop outside hall. I always made it a point to wait at the bus stop at least 20 minutes before my lecture starts... but manage only 10-15 minutes earlier instead. And I end up being 10-15 minutes late for my lecture at LKC LT. Bus C is the most complained-about shuttle bus in NTU.
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| Taken with Instagram |
I've started mindmapping a little too late. :( Exams start next week wth. This mindmap I made really helped in showing me how much I DON'T know about psychological disorders.
It's the time of the semester. Oh gosh. Help. I feel so screwed.
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I signed up to be a volunteer for this year's NDP. Yes, again. Hope I don't regret this cos' it burns 8 Saturdays.
Realise I didn't blog about my NDP, YOG and SCMS volunteering experiences for the past 2 years. Wonder why I didn't do so.
Sunday, April 08, 2012
Saturday, April 07, 2012
Wednesday, April 04, 2012
taking a turn
You know things just got dangerous when you start feeling negative about this - slight anger, fear, anxiety, even insecurity.
Yet in your head you know the situation is perfectly normal, being an everyday occurrence. So why is your brain reacting this way? Objectively, you have no reason to act like the subjects in the situation have violated your rights and treat them differently than you normally would. Yet your brain works to send signals to make you feel otherwise. This is why people say, you control your emotions, don't let it control you. What they mean is that (especially when the emotion is negative) when you let emotions tweak your planned course of action... you may act to change the climate of the situation, and stir up unhappiness or tension.
Humans are such complex creatures.
Ok, I think I can never fully comprehend and make sense of such emotions.
So conflicted.
Yet in your head you know the situation is perfectly normal, being an everyday occurrence. So why is your brain reacting this way? Objectively, you have no reason to act like the subjects in the situation have violated your rights and treat them differently than you normally would. Yet your brain works to send signals to make you feel otherwise. This is why people say, you control your emotions, don't let it control you. What they mean is that (especially when the emotion is negative) when you let emotions tweak your planned course of action... you may act to change the climate of the situation, and stir up unhappiness or tension.
Humans are such complex creatures.
Ok, I think I can never fully comprehend and make sense of such emotions.
So conflicted.
Sunday, April 01, 2012
Distance
The sun is filling up the room
I can hear you dreaming
Do you feel the way I do right now
I wish we would just give up
Cos' the best part is falling
Call it anything but love
And I will make sure to keep my distance
Say "I love you" when you're not listening
How long can we keep this up, up, up?
Please don't stand so close to me
I'm having trouble breathing
I'm afraid of what you'll see right now
I'll give you everything I am
All my broken heartbeats
Until I know you understand
I will make sure to keep my distance
Say "I love you" when you're not listening
How long can we keep this up, up, up?
I keep waiting for you to take me
You keep waiting to save what we have
So i'll make sure to keep my distance
Say "I love you" when you're not listening
How long can we keep this up, up, up?
Make sure to keep my distance
Say "I love you" when you're not listening
How long till we call this love, love, love?
This is such a beautiful song, I don't know why I didn't discover it till today. Then again, I've liked all Christina Perri songs that I've heard so far. They're such emo songs that describe girls' pains. Or my pains, every now and then. I'd love to dance contemp to them.. if not for the fact that I can't dance well and can't choreograph -.-
I can hear you dreaming
Do you feel the way I do right now
I wish we would just give up
Cos' the best part is falling
Call it anything but love
And I will make sure to keep my distance
Say "I love you" when you're not listening
How long can we keep this up, up, up?
Please don't stand so close to me
I'm having trouble breathing
I'm afraid of what you'll see right now
I'll give you everything I am
All my broken heartbeats
Until I know you understand
I will make sure to keep my distance
Say "I love you" when you're not listening
How long can we keep this up, up, up?
I keep waiting for you to take me
You keep waiting to save what we have
So i'll make sure to keep my distance
Say "I love you" when you're not listening
How long can we keep this up, up, up?
Make sure to keep my distance
Say "I love you" when you're not listening
How long till we call this love, love, love?
This is such a beautiful song, I don't know why I didn't discover it till today. Then again, I've liked all Christina Perri songs that I've heard so far. They're such emo songs that describe girls' pains. Or my pains, every now and then. I'd love to dance contemp to them.. if not for the fact that I can't dance well and can't choreograph -.-
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