Her heart sank as she fixed her eyes on the numbers that determined her grade on her examination script.

"My fault again... Why didn't I give my best?" she muttered under her breath.

Regret took its place in her, invading her, overwhelming her, diffusing into every part of her. She failed to understand why she had, time and again, allowed distractions to obstruct her path to success.

She sat helplessly at her desk, staring blankly at her school mates whose eyes reflected joy that she thought she will never be able to have.

to be continued......

RANDOM

haha this is so funny, i was looking through my older email...
brings back fond memories.
an email from Dr Emilia Wong.

Hello Girls,

Just a reminder: NO GROUP VIOLIN on 9/8/05.
I shall see all of you on 16/8/05 TUE, 3pm

2:30pm Jacqueline with the new girls
3:00pm Dr Wong take over the new beginners while the older girls practice
3:30pm Dr Wong take over the older girls while new beginners practice
4:00-4:30pm for those taking exam

Please practice your instrument at least 15-30 minutes everyday. I SAY again: EVERYDAY.

Also someone (Hilary, Jacqueline, Grace?) please inform Jane and Eunice, I don’t have their emails.


Thank you all and have a good break


p/s Miss Loh, possible to have 2 rooms? One for the older girls to play while I teach the new beginners in another room. It was kinda crazy last Tuesday.

I miss playing the violin. I miss Dr Wong. I miss the whole violin enrichment programme which failed miserably.

OVER THE MOON

I LOVE MRS TAN MEI LING

THERE WAS A MISTAKE IN MY ANSWER SCRIPT.. I THINK SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO MINUS 2 MARKS BUT NO, WHEN I WENT UP TO HER, SHE ONLY TOOK AWAY 0.5 MARK (nvm i pretend i gave the mark away to joey ahha)

tomorrow ---> e maths paper! syf pieces for the last time! er. piano lesson! <--- i'm so not looking forward to these.

i swear (oh wait cannot swear) my posts are getting shorter.

Yes Joe I am praying praying praying praying praying about the clash. Sophia is right..
"It's only a dinner"
Yea but it's not just another dinner.
Hmm my current status? Waiting for confirmation. haha. and i havent even talk to my parents about the clash of the 2 events. why? don't dare -.- but it's true ok. uhhh.

youth ablaze worship

Good job Team 2 vocalists! We did it! Whenever Nd leads, it spells d-i-e for his backup singers because I think he's a counter-tenor. The keys are ALWAYS very high.
Yesterday's Rain Down and Holy is the Lord really stretched us but we didn't kill chickens!
Christel and Nd even said we handled the high notes well hahahah yay praise the Lord.

Addicted to Sonata Op. 13 "Pathetique" 2nd movement

post-preliminary exams

Yucks I hate the colour here why can't they have a nicer one!
4c2's informal photo
DISC profiling ---> I'm a peacemaker! hahaha it's so true.
At least that's what I think. I'm not a dominating kind of person.
Stayed back in school with Hilary (Tan) and Charmaine (Seow), the D ppl.
Wah they were debating and arguing over small matters.. -.-
And I found myself trying to shut them up. Just like what the report says.
OH it also states that I can be a social worker and police officer and teacher ... ...
Don't have accountant or musician leh sad.

I wanna complain about my music teacher.
For CA3 practical, he wrote LONNNNNG comments for my entire music class except for me.
I got a 2-line comment. Like hello how am I going to improve if you only write 2 lines?
For my O level music composition, same thing, tell everyone how they can improve, but when he heard mine, guess what he said?
"Mmm. Yours is ok. Good."
And he walked to another girl. Wahlao. I'm not perfect lor he could have just helped me but no, never. The rest of the class got a different treatment.
For prelim, practical, SAME THING. He commented on everyone else's playing, but not mine.
I asked if there was anything I can improve on, asked him to talk about mine, but he just gave the same lame excuse that he couldn't focus/couldn't remember much because there are many students. "It was ok," again.
...
wth?? hey can you not always do this to me?
Lastly. He has the whole class' contact numbers. I know this because I received an SMS from him, ONCE.
After that I never got anything.
There was once he sent a msg regarding some extra lesson.. and I didn't get it.
I only discovered there was an extra lesson when I think Fiona asked me if I was going.
I thought he had simply missed my name.
I thought only.
Today Hil, Jia Yan, Xi Ying, Fiona and Char all received the same msg from him, and I got nothing.
If not for them, I would have been kept in the dark about the returning of our prelim paper.
Missed my name? right....

I know I shouldn't be thinking this way, it's very negative.
I shouldn't bear grudges too. However I can't help but notice I'm treated differently from the rest you know. Urgh, ok, whatever. Looks like I really have to depend a lot on self-studying for music.


Got a huge problem now...
Prom (27 Nov) clashes with the mission trip to Aceh (27 Nov to 1 Dec).
I really want to go for BOTH
BUT, I've already paid for the prom! $60 you know..
Lord, where do You want me to go?
It's my last year in PL. This graduation dinner means a lot to most of us.
I don't want to miss the mission trip either,

HOw how how how????
It's hard to say that I'll do whatever the Lord leads me to.
Very difficult.
But look at Abraham... He was willing to give up his son, "whom (he) love(s)".
Am I giving up the graduation dinner which marks the end of my journey in PLMGS, or the opportunity to work with the less fortunate...?
(The Potter's Hand is playing on my iTunes now... know what Darlene is singing? "Take me, mould me, use me, fill me. I give my life to the Potter's Hand". Haiz this feels like a test. Btw my iTunes is on shuffle.)

prelims are ending!

4 more subjects
2 more papers
1 more practical
1 more day

so much closer to o levels

check this out will you? created by yours truly =)
http://olevelmusicrevised.blogspot.com
hopefully this will get me hyped up for music cos' today's paper really sucked and i'm losing interest.

CAPPED POST

SOMEONE ELSE TURNS 16 TODAY, AND THAT'S MY CLASSMATE OF 10 YEARS!
10 SHORT YEARS!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SARA!!!!!

AND I REALISED I FORGOT SOMEONE ELSE...
HAPPY BELATED 16TH LING YING PLS STOP GOING TO TOWN SO OFTEN AND STAY AT HOME, BE A GOOD GIRL AND STUDY!

OK THE REASON WHY I'M SO CAPPED TODAY IS..

I LOST MY HAYDN SYMPHONY NO. 104 FIRST MOVEMENT SCORE!!!
I'M ASKING FOR TROUBLE CAN!
THIS IS SO MUCH 'BETTER' THAN STRIKING 4-D!
OH SHIT... I JUST KILLED MYSELF.....
MUSIC PAPER IS TOMORROW HOW HOW HOW HOW

NVRMIND..
PRAY
PRAY
PRAY

I WANT TO COMPLAIN ABT THE SUPER CARELESS MISTAKE(S) I MADE IN THE POA PAPER 2 BUT IT'S NO USE SINCE THE PAPER'S ALREADY SUBMITTED. ARGH.
I MISSED LUNCH TODAY COS I SLEPT FOR THE WHOLE AFTERNOON COS I DIDN'T SLEEP LAST NIGHT. MUGGED FULL FORCE UNTIL IT WAS TIME FOR SCHOOL.
OK LA I DID SLEEP AT THE TABLE FOR MAYBE AN HOUR. SHIT GOT CHINESE AND MUSIC TMR HOW...

PRAY
PRAY
PRAY

5 more papers
1 more practical
3 more days

Not running the race alone, no =D

To the one who called me a robot (wth)...
Have a very blessed 16th!
;)

I love you Jesus, deep down in my heart!
(at least you're smart enough to highlight the text)

GET WELL SOON, LAI THENG!!! =D

perfect day to chill out (not)

I can do it, but I choose not to.
Not weak but meek you see...
Obedience isn't a sign of weakness.
Learned a lot from Saturday's youth service =)

Hmm that morning, Horse, Joanne, Madeline and I went for the ACJC open house.
Saw a few familiar faces - Gerdine who's in band, Charlotte (tht's her name right?) in strings, Hillary's good friend (crap forgot her name) in table tennis, Johanna from ???, Nicole Mao's face on the student council board...
Aaaaah their performing arts.....!! Saw their CO playing, and their dance (I was too awed to take a photo)They lowered the cut-off point.. I think I can forget about going there haha.
Late 3 times = 1 demerit point! Journey there takes more than an hour, am I willing to sacrifice that kind of time to travel all the way there?
Wait a minute. I can't even get below 15 points -.- maybe poly is a better choice?
Plus, there's no PE! wahahahs

Sunday - went back to school for duet practice with Fiona and Jia Yan.
Our concert hall/auditorium was being used for some musical.

I've got no comments about Monday's elective lit. Neither do I have anything to say about yesterday's ss. Just gotta manage my time better and memorise the correct facts. Maths? Better not say anything until the results are out.
The examination hall looks intimidating, really.

Ohohoh the SAF vocal ensemble is freaking cool!

Melody says the reason for my early ______ is because of stress.
I think so too. My skin is rebeling as well.
Running the race.. keeping the faith?

Wonder how it's like to be crooked (as in not straight) uh,never exactly thought of that before.

blogging my life away

My current state of mind is one that reflects millions of question marks.
Can you see them emerging from the shadows?
It wasn’t what I thought had turned out to be.
I’m in no position to judge, but it appears that it is taking a u-turn…?
Maybe she's right. I have given some thought to her words lately.
Apparently... the stronger ones will not do things against their better judgment.
Let our old robes sit easier than our new indeed!
Reminder to self: I don't have the right to judge others; therefore I will remain neutral on the surface. Surface only. But here, and deep inside… it spells c-o-n-f-u-s-i-o-n

I need to pray more and read the Bible more, I need God more than ever...
"I'm coming back to the heart of worship, and it's all about You.. all about You, Jesus"
Inside is a thirst so desperate to be quenched. So empty, so helpless without the Saviour.

Of course this is definitely not the time to get all screwed and emotional, neither is it the time to go in-depth thinking about stuff.

As people always tell me, “don’t think so much.”
Hello, preliminary examinations.

This will bore you so don’t read.
I think I won’t be able to go far as a solo performer. I’ll do much better with a performing arts group. Ensemble, for example. Hehe I’ve already made up my mind about which CCA to join in poly/JC. My only concern is, will I be taken in if I have music background (grade 8 piano/music O level/grade 2 violin/handbell ringer in a well-known ensemble) but no prior knowledge or rather, very minimal knowledge about the this particular CCA I want to seal myself in? Usually when I start to have an interest in a particular music group, I’ll do almost anything within my means to be part of it.
I remember those days, back when I was in P6. I knew I was going to PL Sec. And I made up my mind, JOIN HANDBELLS, which was my first choice. Harp was 2^nd choice, guzheng 3^rd. The latter wanted to take me in but I hesitated and turned down their offer (on the day of the audition), why? Because if I got into PLHB, good. If I didn’t, I’d end up in St. John’s. Like no way I’m not the marching type. When the CCA results were out back then, I was so delighted I cried ok. Joining PLHB = no regrets although nobody knew at that time that can go to Japan in 2007. No one knew about the Gold with Honours either. PLHB has trained my listening and pitching skills cos’ now I reckon I’m 80% pitch-perfect. Haha.

Horse and I saw Paul Twohill at Macs just now!!!!
The one at Kovan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! omg omg omg
I know his hair sucks but still...!

second thoughts

Freedom?

Freedom?

As I go about my usual rounds of blog-surfing... the word "freedom" keeps appearing in different blogs, all being used in the same context.

(no. of days) to freedom.

Is that so? And thus I question myself.
Freedom?
I think otherwise.

This is just the beginning.
Correction: this is the PRE-beginning, if there's such a thing.
This, is the fundamental stage. Ruin it, and screw your future.
Of course there are other alternatives.
But that's for people who are willing to waste (note that I didn't say "sacrifice") extra time.
YearS, to be more specific.

drawing nearer

The guzheng OLM girls will teach me how to play the instrument after O's.
So will the OLM harpists, with their harps =) SO now I must study hardddd and give my best, after that we'll have all the time in the world to play around with instruments (illegal haah) and attend camps... e.g. TP/NP

Prelims are next week.
I hope the chunks of information I memorise during the week will not erode.
Or be weathered biologically, physically or chemically.
It better be divergent, not convergent.
Green revolution will make me scream.
Haha right this is getting more geog-like...

last day of term 3

My eyelids are terribly heavy...
a quick post now

Teachers' day gifts prepared at the eleventh hourtook me so long to select the photos to print for Mrs Ong, Mrs Wong and Mr Fong,
took me even longer to search for a bible verse to write. Gosh my handwriting sucks.

Before we bid farewell to term 3 and welcome the dreaded term 4,
I would like to thank the following:
Yesterday was the last time we (graduating bellers) got to wear them.
This handbell gown, old design, is very tight at the waist, it has been my friend for 3 years.
I had another one in sec 1 which was too loose.
She will be collecting dust in my dull cupboard in the years to come.
My choker, made by Cheryl's mum...
The old one broke days before the July performance at SCH, the SYF Presentation of Instrumental Ensembles.. and so I got a new one, costs me 12 freaking dollars.
But it's pretty, so it covers up for the cost.
My heels, oh yeah, they have definitely served me well.
One part of it broke during the July performance this year. I used rubber bands to try and secure the broken part, but to no avail.
While walking on stage, I slipped a bit, did my best to cover up the sudden 'going down' movement.

That's it. No more gown. The end.
After making handbells my life for 4 years, all I've got is an A2 for CCA grade. I am so utterly (insert word here)

ML/HL/Ethel... LY deleted our other NICER clique photos so we're only left with this. the not very nice one. wth.
Sec 3s - Sherry/LingCyen/LimXi/ZiQi/Diana/Charlene if you want your photo, get from me ;)
i'm too tired to put up more... upstairs, my bed awaits me....

find joy in something else then

it seems...
the more i try to avoid and shift away from it
the greater the effects
i can only wait

after all,
time heals all wounds, doesn't it?

english prelim

"eh, get up..."
i felt a tug by my side,
and awoke with a start
"06:20" flashed on my phone
i had missed the time to mug

Study plan was unsuccessful... So much for wanting to wake up at 3am, get prepared for school and then having an early breakfast at macs at 4am with horse.

Instead of sleeping at 11 plus last night, I pulled out my diary, the book which I had chucked aside at the top of my bookshelf a year ago.
I opened the black book and skimmed through the entries.
I sounded so immature. (Not that I reckon I'm mature now...)
My last entry was written in July last year..

I pulled out a pen, I intended to write about the cell group, I wanted to practice for the EL P1.
But the memories came flooding back...
A wave of nostalgia hit me so suddenly, I had the urge to write about our pre-SYF days, the SYF period, the Japan trip and the post-Japan madness that followed.
They marched into my tiny brain and invaded it, what else could I do?
And so I wrote and wrote until 12:30am and reluctantly dragged myself to bed.

I really miss those days...
My school life so far has been handbells, handbells, handbells, and more recently, prelims and 'o' levels.

Now there's news that there will be a photo-taking session this Wednesday at 2:30pm for handbellers, everyone's to be attired in their costumes.
I say "their" because I will not be in the photo, I have science practical. Prelims.
There's no way they're gonna postpone the phototaking just for me.
(why didn't they pass the message earlier? why only now?)
There's no way I can change shift either (I'm in the first shift, you see)
Why does a photo mean so much to me?

I wrote the 1st question for Section One of the English Paper 1 today...
Topic: Love at first sight.
My story was SO cliche, the entire scene was set in a SCHOOL CANTEEN, of all places..
What was I thinking?? 3 pages, the canteen...?
Oh well.


If there's one thing I can rejoice about, it'll be the mere fact that BFC is expanding and multiplying =)

time zooms by

There's a tight knot in my stomach now.
I dunno how to continue with my composition.. I think it kinda sucks.
It's very pentatonic, and Charmaine the pro (x10) is doing that style too, which makes me feel inferior cos' she's so many times better at music.
In all components. I dare not sit beside her during music lessons because then you'll see a very distressed joyce.
=(

Prelims are fast approaching... English and the 2nd last session of the music coursework are tomorrow, yet I have to suffer under the hands of my Chinese and math tutors later.. subjects which will not be tested next week.
Someone teach me how to love Chinese!! This is a desperate plea lol.

Common test results make me wanna tear up the test papers.
My gut reaction? One of stark disbelief. I studied.
My best subject? Deteriorated. I'm fine with accounting for clubs and societies (tht one full marks) but the analysis and interpretation of final accounts is just omg.
Careless mistakes are slipping in =( (i forgot to depreciate Premises = wrong capital owned = wrong capital employed etc.) they're unavoidable as long as one is panicking (got a prob with phrasing that)

Can you hear my scream of anguish?

Of course, thank God for friends =) who put colours into my life.
My clique (wq wy lt mel sara priya) makes me laugh every recess.. (think of the PL Goes Unhealthy movement)..
My handbell clique (hl ml ethel) celebrated mine and ly's birthday, pics can be found at ml's blog. I feel like grabbing all her photos and putting them here.
My cell group (way too many names!) had bonding on Friday at Clarke Quay (no clubbing, no) and I must say we had a really good time together. According to Joe, 40% were newcomers. Horse we're all anticipating your return! haha. (Wan Hui, where are the photos??)
And there are some (Joshua Cheng Wee Smarties George) who chip in money ($10) just to support me and my dumb mission (to sell off the funfair tickets), the 'best' thing is, they're not even coming.
Iris bought my 2nd ticket. I'm still thinking of how to sell the rest.
(attack of the brackets)

come what, come may
time and the hour runs through the roughest day

surprise!

what the....?
how on earth...............???

Anyway thanks Pastor Glenn if you ever see this...

another year, another birthday

You guys really brighten up my life...

Thanks for even remembering my birthday! hahah
and also for the following ---

birthday songs:
English tuition class in school this morning, and my dearest cell group (with cake some more!) this afternoon

your lovely SMSes (earliest to latest) :
Sophia (0000), Ken (0001), Melvin (0001), Iris (0051), Valerie (0145), Daddy from Bangkok (0212), Joe, Hillary, Janice, Mummy, Man Ling, Lai Theng, Elaine, Xi Ying, Jess, Priya, Persie, En Mei, Sara, Simon, Andrew, Shu En, Tania, Sheila, Jia Yan, Hui Ling, Priscilla

Friendster comments/other:
Genesis, Melody, Wen Yi, Jasmine Koh, Man Ling again, Xi Ying again, Dorita, Janice again, Cheryl, Denise, Grace Quek, Grace Yong, Ariel, Amelia
( i hope i didn't miss out anyone else)


Last year this time it was half my cell mates who celebrated with me at S11, I still remember everything vividly (even the part whereby our church members from other tables came over to wish me), and this year they did it again.
They were acting weirdly so I kinda guessed there was something behind their "random talk".
I was pleasantly surprised by the cake, the delicious chocolate cake which Joe has very kindly purchased.. it has some extra value there because he went through a lot of trouble to get it.
I am really touched by some of the things BFC did...
that a FEW of them had brought lighters with them to light my ONE candle (haha), and how more than one of them prepared a card for the cell to sign, and made sure I got one (card) today.
I was tongue-tied there and then, at a loss for words. I bet they couldn't read my face like a book. But inside I had only one thing to say:

omg.

Haha I've got to admit I've not been a very good birthday IC for the past 8 months, I'm really running out, in fact I've already run out of ideas as to how a cell member's birthday can be made special. It has been card, card, card, card everytime. And occasionally, the cake. An example would be the June babies' combined birthday cake. It's always combined because it's not possible to get a cake for every member's birthday. And now I've run out of ideas, I so need to ask God for more. I even had (still having lor) a problem... I didn't know how to let the July/Aug ppl have the chance to blow candle, cos' my bd falls in Aug..(I cant be getting a cake like this, then including myself in it right) and so Daryl and Kai Wei haven't blow candle yet. I wanted to include the 2 of them today, but I simply didn't know how to do it. Now I feel bad =/

Special thanks here for filling up the card with your "happy birthday"s, i dunno whether to smile or cry;
Wan Hui, Joe, Jacelyn, Andrew, Aaron, Sophia, Daryl, Clarissa, Joshua, Iris, Yong Liang, Kai Wei


Haha to conclude today's post...
I never plan anything for my birthdays all these years, no parties, no outings or special meals whatsoever.
Because it's like, just another day lor, especially this year when most of us are sitting for our O and N levels and busy studying our brains out..
Hehe but it's you guys, whose names are mentioned above in this post, who make my birthday a special one, who make it different from my view of it being "just another day".
Be honoured ok you're being appreciated. Lol.
And how could I forget to thank God our Father, for seeing me through another year and for putting you people into my life?

P.S. everything mentioned here is accurate as at (look at the time below), I will not be adding anymore names (if any, that is), sorry!

one more day...

Hello.

I screwed my music practical like shit, and now I feel so demoralised.
=( I have close to zero confidence in my practical now..

It's really difficult for me to talk as I break out into coughing fits.
Ouch. It's so xing ku you know.
And I don't dare to take my cough syrup cos' it causes drowsiness, and there's no way I can afford to feel drowsy with all these tests and exams.

My dad is overseas.. will not be back until midnight this Saturday. So that means dinner with my family (plus grandparents) is postponed zzz...
Oh wells, never mind, I'm studying with Joey that night.
Studying with BFC in the afternoon.
Having English tuition in the morning.
There. Got my day packed already.
Nice right. Hah.