Welcoming 2013...

Simple, really. Attainable? I hope so! For these will help me become a better person...

1. Be grateful

1 Thes 5 : 18

give thanks in all circumstances;^(AG) for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus

1 Cor 3 : 5

Not that we are competent in ourselves^(H) to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God.^(I)

2. Be an encourager

1 Thes 5: 12-14

¹² Now we ask you, brothers and sisters, to acknowledge those who work hard^(X) among you, who care for you in the Lord^(Y) and who admonish you. ¹³ Hold them in the highest regard in love because of their work. Live in peace with each other.^(Z) 14 And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle^(AA) and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak,^(AB) be patient with everyone

3. Be nice to everyone 

1 Thes 5: 15

.¹⁵ Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong,^(AC) but always strive to do what is good for each other^(AD) and for everyone else.

4. Be humble 

Philippians 3 : 3-4

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.^(F) Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,^(G)4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.^(H)

5. Pray continually (1 Thes 5:17)

6. Don't procrastinate. 

Proverbs 13:4

A sluggard’s appetite is never filled,^(F)    but the desires of the diligent are fully satisfied.

iPad mini

Today, I pre-ordered the iPad mini, and I can't wait for it to comeeee. I think a tablet is really useful in times where you have a hell lot of readings to do and cant print them out. Plus, of course, the mobility and in the case of iPad mini, the weight. Will review it when it arrives 2 weeks later.

I really think I'm mad. Why am I spending so much this month?????????

I bought myself an instax mini, films for it, a portable charger for phone (seriously, I'm never ever buying from anywhere other than gmarket because they have better prices and better performance chargers), a desktop organiser, a windows 8 upgrade, and now an iPad mini.

What the hellllll am I doing. !!!!

That's enough expenditure for 2 months.. gotta limit myself to 2 pieces of clothing in November, cheap meals again and skip some when I can (someone's so going to disapprove of this :/) and save up to return to my savings account and for Christmas, too. And I just remembered Deborah's birthday present, and Chiam's too oh goshhhhhhh

Ok study time.

Is it that difficult a task to just label your files as requested?

I really don't understand.

Music and Human Memory

Hello.. This period's extra busy for me, with the peak weeks for this month being the next week and the week after, so I won't really be blogging autobiographical/episodic posts properly with pictures about my life. Must be mindful that my life as a student is limited though, and always be grateful for what I have so far.
---

I'm supposed to do a literature review for one of my modules, so I'm just typing some thoughts now. I can't type too much cos' some of my sentences will be used in my paper, and I don't want my plagiarism % to be too high for my paper because I've plagiarised myself in my own blog -__- that'll be really lame. Another alternative would be to publish this post only after submission of the paper.

---

Patients with Alzheimer's disease (AD) suffer from dementia, which causes deficits in certain types of memory. This is the reason why researchers conduct research on dementia patients, though usually narrowed down to AD patients since it's the most common form of dementia, because we can better understand the underlying mechanisms of memory, and what can help to improve memory by working on these mechanisms. It is unethical to induce this on human subjects with normal memory, so certain types of memory cannot be directly manipulated, and in such circumstances, quasi-experimental research will have to be done, which limits the control of researchers, which may affect the accuracy of results.

(I feel like such a noob because I don't know how exactly to phrase and explain why we use patients with memory deficits)

Researchers Simmons-Stern, Budson, and Ally in their paper Music as a memory enhancer in patients with Alzheimer's disease propose that "brain areas subserving music processing may be preferentially spared by AD, allowing a more holistic encoding that facilitates recognition," and that music causes AD patients to be more aroused, which allows better attention and improved memory. This is based on their study to investigate the effect of music on encoding, on the subsequent recognition of associated verbal information.

TO be continued. Time for me to go for class.

Habitat Coffee!

Highlight for this weekend! Finally finally got to try Habitat Coffee after hearing about how good it is from some of the church girls! And reading about their truffle fries and how it falls under ladyironchef's list of Best Truffle Fries in Singapore :)

(Quick and lazy editing. All shot by iPhone 4. I'm still a noob when it comes to these stuff, so it's merely a weak attempt at these photos. Don't judge okay, all ye photography enthusiasts!) 

Went there with the guy whose plans with other guys got cancelled thanks to the heavy rain this afternoon. I'm being selfish but I'm secretly glad cos', hey, that means he has time to eat with me! So yes, made rather impromptu plans during that late afternoon to settle for dinner with him, not too far from home, and I seized the opportunity to make him try Habitat with me. :)

First we saw the queue at Fat Boy's, which was quite long, and started to wonder if the queue at Habitat would be this long too. Thankfully, much to our surprise, it wasn't! In fact it was quite empty and the staff appeared to be quite free.

Took some time to decide what to order and happened to decide on the food marked with an asterisk!

Ice Habitat Fusion Tea - Peach. $4.90 I think

 Normal peach tea...

Moving on

It's amazing, how a week can make so much of a difference. Just one week is all it takes to bring out the bipolar emotions. I am not kidding.

---

Lunch after church yesterday with the girls, Cheryl, Xi Ying, and Jacelyn. The plan was to wake up for first service but XY and I failed miserably. So while we went for 2nd service, Jace and Cheryl went to Chye Seng Huat Hardware Coffee Bar. Lol.

Four of us headed to The Coffee Daily at Brighton Crescent after 2nd service ended.

Missing items

My goodness...

How can my apple speaker, JCRC room key and Seminar Room key be missing from my table?! I clearly do not remember passing them to ANYONE!

How much stranger can this be?!

Worried and panicky but it isn't going to make my stuff appear anytime soon :(  Praying really really really hard that my stuff miraculously appear :( or I am going to be in so much trouble..

I am so scared...

Mum says dad's in hospital again.

Waiting for her to reply with more details.

---

11.34pm. Pushing back the awful sensation of having my tears threatening to spill out.

---

To understand God's ways, we must see beyond the moment to the final work He is doing. We must never judge things prematurely. What appears to be weakness, God can transform into greatness. What seems to be loss, He can turn into gain. What looks like failure, He can turn into victory.

-

How I am different from others

When upset, people binge eat. Not all, but I would say a fair number. 

Myself? I just skip meals. 

Been skipping meals regularly recently. Saves on the money, and the calories. I find it hard to will myself to go eat when I'm not hungry. 

Still healthy, though. Still alive and kicking. 

Trying damn hard to live as normally as I possibly can, because it wouldn't be fair to let my shit affect my friends' lives. Because they haven't done anything to deserve my moodiness. Because it just wouldn't be fair to them.

I'm stronger than I think.

---

It's stupid to cry when i'm on the train. I will not. My eyeliner will smudge.

---

It's 9.30pm and I'm on the train back to hall after meeting some course mates to shop for our own stuff and birthday presents for others. I thought I was fine when I was with them. But as the sky grew darker, so did my emotions, and once again I found myself being bitter at all the songs that were being played. Maroon 5's Payphone did it and had me
close to tears once more..

I'm only blogging now to prevent the same thing from happening this afternoon, during the journey out of hall. I find it so hard to remain calm when alone, and yet I don't want to feel like I'm pretending to be normal in front of others, when I'm clearly not.

This isn't even the full blow. I cannot how imagine how I'd feel, had it gone deeper.

These scars, they burn.

... and I let myself down by allowing the tears to fall, for the first time, over a guy.

I know it's time to surrender my broken self to the Lord, and let Him fix me. I know I should have done this a long, long time ago... yet I know it's never too late. I mean, where else can I go, right?

A few of us Christians gathered in hall just now, and as we sang At The Cross, I just could not stop myself from yearning for that completeness, that wholeness that was absent for so long. It was the second time that such a gathering was held (the first for me), and yet even in such a setting, I knew that my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ would not judge me, nor take advantage of my vulnerability. I dare say that if not for this session, as I told one of them later, I would have "cried my eyes out" tonight, more than I already had... I wasn't close to them as friends at all, yet in such a state I knew that I needed their support. Just the act of coming together in worship, sharing, and prayer, was sufficient to ease some of the heaviness I felt tonight. And for that, I'm really thankful.

Of course, there are my closer hall friends whom I know I can rely on, but in such a situation and state, I think I'm in need of more spiritual support...

I just pray that he'll be fine, too...

---

At the cross I bow my knee
Where Your blood was shed for me
There's no greater love than this
You have overcome the grave
Glory fills the highest place
What can separate me now?

You tore the veil
You made a way 
When You said that it is done

Guess I should have seen this coming.

Not that I haven't, but I knew there was a possibility. Still, unwilling to deal with the cold, harsh reality of it, I pushed the thought out of my mind, trying to repress it.

My heart's damaged, bruised, and in need of healing, that's for sure.

But not enough to lead me into depression.

I know I'm stronger than that. I'm not going to cry, I'm not. Though when emotions run like this, I usually weep before I can think clearly. I'm not allowing myself to cry over you.

It probably isn't easy for you too. It's not going to be the same.

Why does it sting so much, when it wasn't even established in the first place? Why?

Till then...

First September Weekend

Decided to blog about this weekend since I just downloaded a new app (Camera+) and had some fun playing around with it :) So... Proper photos means a new blog entry with photos! Yay! Although like, right now I'm being weighed down with a ton of work.....

This post documents episodic memories. :)

We had brunch at Wild Honey at Scott's Plaza! Saw some photos of the food there, posted by some other friends on their Instagram accounts. So I wanted to try it too! We didn't make a reservation though, and ended up sitting at the bar counter facing this round pillar :( But we were served by the Caucasian boss so I felt slightly more cheered up. Haha.

Trying not to feel awkward taking photos by the pillar

I can't blur out the guy's hand behind me :(

Instagram shot :)

We ordered 2 sets of breakfast to share! Even then, the portion was really huge and we couldn't finish it! Which is rare for my cos' I usually finish my food.

English Breakfast, $24 

This is their signature dish. Scrambled eggs, back bacon, Cumberland pork sausage, sauteed mushrooms, Dad's baked beans, breakfast potatoes, grilled vine ripened tomato and signature brioche. I really liked the bacon, it wasn't as greasy as normal bacons usually are. Sauteed mushrooms make any dish perfect :D But that's just because I lovvvvvvve mushrooms. Dad's baked beans were a little spicy, but I'm not a fan of baked beans so this didn't really appeal to me; I just had 2 beans and left the rest of it there. Satisfying dish overall! 

Corsican, exclusive to Scotts Square. $22 if I remember correctly

Vegetarian. The ultimate fluffy omelette filled with goat's cheese, sheep feta cheese, shredded basil leaves and a drizzle of lavender honey with grilled ciabatta. Fluffy indeed, and the first few bites of the omelette mate me want to go on munching on more. Definitely not a dish to finish entirely on your own, though. I like cheese, but this omelette had too much of it and I felt like I was gonna barf if I had any more of it. Haha it could also be because I was really full already and was still trying to finish up my portion of the omelette. Amelia felt like it was too much cheese too. 

We sat there for quite a long time, talking and taking photos and trying to edit them! Then we left for the toilet... more photos...

Seeing double? Stupid mirror line there which drew a line down my body :(

After lunch, we went to Far East Plaza cos' I wanted to take a look at the new Hollyhoque shop there. It wasn't as crowded as I had expected. I was pretty excited for the clothes buffet at first, and had expected a crowd there as it sounded like a pretty good deal. However, it was just an area in the shop cordoned off with 4 large containers of clothes on the floor, and I didn't want to end up looking like an exhibit squatting on the floor, trying to dig for clothes to fit in the purchased envelope/bag. There were only 2 or 3 other girls in the 'buffet' area. I guess my public image (the need to portray myself as not 'auntie') was greater than my desire for good deals! Which was quite a pity.

I left the shop with just a pair of Weaved Thong sandles in the end, as I've been eyeing that pair for a long time! It was sold out in size 36 for the colour I wanted, though, so I settled for a size 37 instead. I'd rather get it in a colour I like than one which I didn't like. Was tempted to purchase a floral romper too, but decided not to.

It felt so different to see Sheila (HH owner) and her boyfriend in person and having then serve me at the cash register! Felt like I was seeing celebrities, since all these while I've just been reading Sheila's blog. Almost daily. Guess I'll be frequenting FEP more :)

The rest of the afternoon was spent walking around Far East Plaza, where Amelia bought a bralet (!!! I will never dare to wear one out) and a pretty pair of black shorts. Nothing had tempted me enough there, lol. Then we went over to Forever 21 at ION, where I tried on dresses that I thought looked nice on me, BUT size S was TOO LOOSE :( Dang, when will they ever manufacture dresses in size XS so that the UK6 girls can wear them?!! I bought a white headband with a white flower for $5 from there though, cos' I figured I need more hair accessories.

No pictures of our purchases cos' we didn't take any photos! Haha.

Then we felt guilty and headed to Starbucks at Wheelock Place to study for 3 hours.

Study also must take photo. 

I still have 1.5 chapters of Personnel Psych to read for the quiz, and I haven't even started mindmapping! :( Not to mention revision for Finance and my part for the tutorial presentation. Both quiz and presentation will take place THIS TUESDAY :'( sadgirl91. Plus, there is JCRC rally this Tuesday and Wednesday, and polling on Thursday. Busy busy busy week ahead and here I am, blogging away... I really need to get my priorities right. But I'll finish this soon!

After studying with Amelia yesterday, I headed back to Kovan first while she remained there before going to study with Ivan at Jurong East, where they were going to have overnight studying. I decided last year that overnight study just isn't going to work for me. 

Then it was supper/dinner with Wen Ming. He was walking around vivocity and nex before that while I studied with Amelia :/ We went to walk down the stretch between Kovan MRT and Serangoon JC since there were a couple of eating places open... and settled for Punggol nasi lemak (which was expensive and blehhh), and Selegie beancurd after that. We were pretty lucky cos the queue was mega short for the nasi lemak when we arrived, and extended quickly after we started eating. And we didn't have to wait long for this couple to vacate a table at Selegie. AND, the shop aunties started closing the other tables when we were halfway through our tau huey. Meaning, we made it before they started packing up! Another satisfying meal :) Then I was walked home and Wen Ming managed to catch the 3rd last 53 home :) Our lucky night indeed! No photos though.  

--- 

This morning at LSBC, instead of the usual worship and sermon, it was a worship Sunday. I've always loved worship cos' that's how I communicate best with God :) It's also when I could really feel His presence. And yes... I will join a ministry. Which I've been procrastinating since A levels ended. 

Photos! Cheryl, Daphne and I. We sat at the 2nd row today' cos' we were late :/

Unedited. 

Then Daphne left us, and Cheryl too, cos she wasn't feeling well. First day of the month for the poor girl :( So it was Jacelyn and I... and we caught up quite a bit :) I really like speaking to her cos' she's a girl of wisdom, someone I can be accountable to for what's going on in my life, and someone who'll listen to me without judging me, and well I must say she reminds me of who I am in Christ! :) Really thankful for a cell mate like Jacelyn, who's also actively serving and working in church!

Front shot. Bad quality :( Used Phonto to add the words! 

Very obviously an Instagram shot hahaha

Don't really like this filter :(

My food. Which was meh, not that good. 

Iced HK Milk Tea 

We headed to get my hamster's food from Pet Lover's Centre at Heartland Mall, and 51 beancurd from downstairs. Then it was time for homeeeeeeeeeeee.

Omg I spent 2-3 hours editing photos (which didn't even turn out that well) and blogging. Time to pack up for hall.... and prepare for a new week ahead........ which I'm currently not prepared for, at all! :( And I still feel like blogging about D&D, and my birthday with the beloved cell group and hall friends and family! :(

dear popo,

I'm turning 21 soon.

I've just started year 3 in uni.

I wish you were still here to celebrate with me. I miss you so, so much. I miss your smile, your touch - I miss you, and I love you still. :'(

just one more month

and I'll get out of it for good.

Last lap.

Now I see why people don't want to do this a second time.

God of My Forever (City Harvest Church)

God of my youth I remember
Your call on my life took me o'er
Your love has seen me through all my days
I stand here by Your grace
On this alter I've written my life
Tells of a story I have with You, my Lord
I want the world to know

God of my forever
And forever I'm with You
My life is saved with a price
Your sacrifice redeemed my soul
God of my forever 
And forever I will sing
My greatest honour will always be 
To serve my Lord and King

God of my all I've surrendered 
My heart finds its rest in Your word
Praises will not be enough to show 
How my love for You has grown 
Nothing matters when You're here with me
In the end just to hear You say, "Well done"
Bowing before Your throne

God of my forever
And forever I'm with You
My life is saved with a price
Your sacrifice redeemed my soul
God of my forever 
And forever I will sing
My greatest honour will always be 
To serve my Lord and King

Forever and ever
Jesus You alone in glory reign
Forever and ever
With You I walk this narrow way

God of my forever
And forever I'm with You
My life is saved with a price
Your sacrifice redeemed my soul
God of my forever 
And forever I will sing
My greatest honour will always be 
To serve my Lord and King

why hello, blogger

It's been awhile since I blogged. I wanted to blog about my first brunch at Skyve with Candice, my church camp, various other meetups, but I guess I never actually got down to doing it.

This summer, besides the above, I've also had a temp job, went to Hong Kong with a couple of hall friends, went for two FOCs as senior attached (and was a fake freshie in one). But I guess what made this vacation different was the fact that I've grown to be fond of this guy - and vice versa, I'd like to believe. It's not the same as the friendships forged with other guys who became close friends, and bounced back to 'acquaintance' status. This one feels different.

Perhaps this extract from Thought Catalogue would more adequately describe my situation:

The modern-day situation that’s trending is something I like to call ‘intermediate dating’. It’s that thing where you’re not sure if you’re best friends, sex-buddies, boyfriend/girlfriend, or enemies with a person who you interact with regularly. How can we genuinely not be able to identify what we are with someone else? If you spend significant amounts of time together, and your time apart is full of interaction via cell phone – isn’t it safe to say that you’re with each other? Or does it not count because it was never officially discussed? Yeah, it probably doesn’t count. I mean, if you don’t even have an anniversary date, how can it be a legitimate relationship? I don’t know, and in all likelihood, the parties involved don’t have a clue either. Sadly, this is a stressful scenario that many are tangled up in today.

This summer's been exceptional because of this ambiguous zone that I find myself caught in. I don't know what I'm in for.

I've always feared not being able to find a partner in the future, and looked upon my couple friends with some degree of envy. I'd be lying if I didn't admit that, from time to time, I did long for such companionship.

It's kind of risky to be blogging such thoughts, so this is all I'd type - for now.

Grave, grave mistake.

The one thing I vowed myself never to do... and I did.

Now the impact is larger than ever.

I'm at a loss and the guilt is haunting me. Sigh.

Rhethorical

Why do I always seem to be giving in? Can't I have something I really, really want? Just for once? Am I that weak, to keep worrying about how the other (parties) may feel or think if I got things my way?

So I was wrong.

I had overestimated how I'd feel... at least for the early stage. I can cope, after all.

The intervals may be slightly unbearable, but it is in no way damaging.

Treasuring those moments. Yet trying to leave a safe distance between.

Reconsidering, deliberately forcing second thoughts.

I still go to sleep, smiling, knowing that there is someone out there, family aside, who cares.

Thank God for that.

I'm pretty sure that that conversation that took place with Wan Hui during CPS10 happened for a reason. That that topic had even surfaced. That this long break had to coincide.

I shall wait and see, then. And try not to act impulsively.

---

It's time for bed (12.55am). No one to chase me to bed (besides my parents) these few weeks. Yawn.

i confuse myself so much sometimes.

i thought i'd never be able to adequately grapple with this... then i think back to its roots.

what happened? how did it arrive here?

was there anything to even begin with? was it all but my own imagination? creating scenarios? inducing them? misinterpreting actions and intentions? trying to... manipulate and lead them into the outcome i want? and making the mistake of letting the heart take lead? too blinded to even have the sense to take a step back? or did i just fall right back in after doing so?

i do, after all, become less conscious of the fact that rationality can be clouded when in a state of preoccupation, when i'm in this very state. what the object or subject is, i shan't say.


i should perhaps celebrate the good times - those that truly put a smile on my face. the reciprocity, the knowledge that i've become a confidant for awhile. the times i felt that things were finally going the way i hoped.

how replaying those scenes could stimulate sensations of pleasure, and i'd allow it to loop, just so i could feel the euphoria again.

then a slap of reality - they aren't going to happen again.

even if they do, it's better not to anticipate it. will i be able to handle the disappointment when it comes? a question i ask myself over, and over, and over again.

is there a cause for rejoicing, at all, then?

---

it all leads back to beginning, doesn't it? i've come full circle.

make sure to keep my distance. 

A combination of fear, suspicion, dread, unwillingness, anger, exasperation, blissfulness, gratitude, with a tinge of satisfaction.

How can anyone feel all these at once? They're so...bipolar.

They really tear me apart at the seams.

always

It's a strange thing..

I think.

I finally know, maybe guess, why workaholics do what they do.

My own theory - they choose to pour out their entire life into working, albeit subconsciously, let their work wholly define their identity.

At least it (moderately) substitutes the lack of a social life, and they don't have to worry about it. Keeps them occupied and they can avoid the disturbing thoughts anyway.

I sound so much like a psychodynamic supporter now but sometimes I think I can identify with their views. A little too much.

Sitting in office, waiting for emails to come in. Zzzzz

first day of work, again

Warning - very disorganised post. Extremely tired but I feel I still need to relieve myself here.

So the beginning of my temp job started this morning, and as usual, I dragged myself out of bed. (which reminds me,  better sleep by 2am or feel the same dread later). Decided to wear my black skater dress. Washed up. Applied makeup. It's troublesome to apply makeup in the morning. And for some reason, my eyes are really sensitive to eye makeup. It'll sting, become really dry, then tear a couple of times in the day :( But I just still leave it as it is. Maybe I should invest in eyedrops.

Well basically, I was really lethargic for the entire day, and it's a good thing (I guess) that I got really minimal work to do. I kept asking for work, so Wee How gave me a task that he wanted the intern to do. This intern's from SMU and is coming in tomorrow. New friend, yay :) And I helped Jessie Lau shift all her stuff from her old workstation so that the new intern can sit there. Then I helped Wendy do some filing, and called one jobseeker, who said he found a job.

Boring, boring day. Kept whatsapping the "Chomp" group - Jun Hao, Wen Ming, and Candice. And tweeting Flea. JH and Flea apparently were bored to death as well. I couldn't take the boredom and started working on my excel sheet for the rec list. Yes, during office hours, right under everyone's noses. But well, it's excel so unless anyone looks closely at it, they wouldn't be able to tell if I'm doing actual work, or work from elsewhere :D Probably gonna do that again tomorrow.

The temp who took over Apple (who was with me in Workers' Support) IS STILL THERE. Got some updates from him about the movements in the office. And he said he's been there so long that his pay has been 'upgraded' from hourly to monthly pay. Power.

He asked me whether I wanted to go to lunch, with 2 other guys who appeared, one of whom looked vaguely familiar, and asked if I still remember him. I thought he looked like Daryl Woo from 2SC3, my bio classmate in JC! But I couldn't be sure.. and I said, "You look like..... a Daryl." Then all 3 of them started laughing, oh gosh. Was I that funny??!

Interesting day, I guess. And it was nice to see some of the perm staffs' surprised faces - those like Harwis, Noel, Brenda, Jessie Lau, KC, Alvin. Well especially Harwis' reaction. Best.

Maybe lunch won't be as lonely as I thought :) Brenda said to look for her for lunch! Then we'll eat with Chun Hiong and I-forgot-who-else too. Brenda's still as cute as last time! :) And of course there'll be the other temps I guess... plus the incoming intern. And those from my vertical. It does help that I've been there before :)

I was counting down to our psych girls' outing that night! Well it was fun alright. Topped it off with a jug at Brewerkz. Photos soon :)

--

Read Jerry's note on Facebook earlier, and I had to cringe all the way. It's so realistic, quite beautifully written, and it accurately portrays the phases of uni life in hall. He wrote about the pains of seeing an empty hall, where it once was brimming with life to one of closed doors and silence, of how topics shift so gradually... to lead them away from student life. It was simply written, yet it truly struck me deeply.

I have two more years. And I will treasure that time. Once gone, it won't come back. Never again will I get to stay in such close proximity to my friends, let loose at various times of the night, study for the exams together, day and night, and support one another as we do so.

Seize every opportunity, maximise every chance, leave the largest footprint, savour every moment, while it is still possible.

shopping with Eileen

It was my second time at 313 in two days T.T

On Friday, we had a top 4 meeting with Prof Lee, the Senior Hall Fellow, about the rec list and some upcoming plans for the Hall. At 9am @.@. I was so sleepy but had to whack myself awake for this meeting.

No OOTD photo as it was just a pink Giodarno spaghetti top and the HH skater skirt which I've introduced before. Threw on a navy cardigan for awhile.

At about 1pm, I headed down to Recruit Express at UOB Plaza to sign a contract with e2i. Yes, I'll be working there again as a temp, this time under yet another vertical (Hospitality/Tourism). Rita's going to be my direct supervisor. Though the pay is really low at $6.50 per hour, I decided to go back there for my temp job as I would be able to skip the interview process and I'll be working in a familiar environment. Went there for 2 days before my exams started, to learn the ropes from my predecessor. Apparently, many changes have been made there, and I didn't really like the way the administration was being done.. I may just make some additions to it myself :/ on top of what is already being done. Just to facilitate the retrieval of data. It currently doesn't look very efficient to me.

Anyway, when I reached RE, A LOT of jobseekers were standing around, waiting. I was quite stunned as I've never seen so many people there before. Then again, that was only my third time there. Saw Jiun there, who was going for her preliminary interview with RE before they do a job search for her. Also saw Maverick, Eileen's boyfriend. I had waved and chatted with the both of them enthusiastically, and greeted my agent like an old friend since he recognised me from two years ago -.- I didn't even recognise him, only remembered that he had small eyes. The other jobseekers probably thought I was some weirdo, going to a recruitment agency and acting like I know everybody there. Signed the contract quickly as there wasn't much to go through. Then left the place feeling like a boss :)

Met Eileen afterwards to go shopping!! :) We went to H&M, walked the entire place, and didn't try anything as I didn't want to buy stuff, and she didn't manage to find the cardigan she had in mind. We saw Amelia and Dixin there though! Pleasant surprise!

With Amelia and Eileen

With Dixin and Amelia 

Saw Elaine there too! She's my primary and secondary school classmate. Didn't take a photo with her as my phone was being used to help Jia Yan book a cab at that time.

I miss shopping with Amelia :( I can't even remember when was the last time we shopped together. Sigh. We kinda... grew apart this year. Most of it is my fault actually. For distancing myself from the psych gang. 

 Besides H&M, Eileen and I went to Forever 21, Cotton On, New Look (where she bought her cardigan :D), Hula & Co., this shop beside Hula & Co., and Charles and Keith!! Where I finally bought the heels I was deliberating about for a long time.

Black Crotchet Peep-Toe Pumps, $49.90, Charles & Keith

Looks so pretty from here right?? I'm going to wear this for work! It's a little loose on me though, I should have gotten a size 35 instead of my usual 36 :( I'm going to get a pair of insoles for this, so hopefully it will fit better, and protect the balls of my feet as well. I can't wait to try wearing this to work!

Then she went to meet Maverick and I went back to hall to continue packing. 

This is what I saw after shifting all my stuff out from the car and into the house.

?!

Didn't even know where this came from. What an ugly scratch. 

--

I'm doing up such detailed blog posts only because I like to read them and it gives me the illusion that my life is exciting. Actually it's not. 

dimsum with the temps

Two days ago, a day after the exams ended, I met up with some temps previously from e2i. Those from the Events team, and Hospitality & Tourism vertical. i.e. May, Felicia, Yu Ping, and Leonard! I think it's our second meetup since we parted? The first was during Jerviel's birthday.

Flea booked a table for 5 at Zhou's Kitchen at Novena Square for us from 3.30pm :)

Fried mantous, some tofu, har kao, fried dumpling with pork floss and salad cream (FAVOURITE)

Just some of the food that we had! Which wasn't really that good, in my opinion. There wasn't enough variety. I'd still prefer Peach Garden any day!

Happy people :)

May's birthday was just around the corner, so I had planned to get a cake to surprise her. Leonard thought we should get just one slice though, since we were rather full from the buffet. We sneaked out "to the toilet" when we thought the time was right to buy the cake, which we got from Hans!

May and her raspberry chocolate cake!

Apparently, we took too long to hunt for the cake, and she had wanted to go to the restroom too. Poor Yu Ping had to restrain her and wait till we came back hahaha.

Well what I didn't know was that Flea's birthday wasn't very far from May's!! All of them went to the toilet after we left the restaurant and I waited outside for them. Then May came running out to tell me this. I was like, oh no oh no oh no... and we decided to get one quickly, this time from Prima Deli, and Leonard had to divert Flea's attention to a CD shop to delay her while we prepared it. It was quite epic. But we surprised her successfully anyway :)

Birthday girls!

 I still feel bad for forgetting about Flea's birthday!! Oh well.

And then we went back to Zhou's Kitchen to take a group photo since we hadn't done so before leaving. Yayay.

:)

Then we walked around the place for awhile, and one of the shops we entered was this Korean supermarket!

KOREAN BISCUITS!!

 There were much more than this! I was so wowed, like I walked into some museum. Was tempted to buy the seaweed too. But I bought 3 cups of cheese cup noodles instead :D I bought that at Jurong Point before, and I really really liked it, so I bought it there when I saw it!

Then Wayne came to meet us for awhile after his work. It was his last day at work, and his workplace was at Novena.

Congrats on ORDing!

We still whatsapp each other every now and then, mostly about random stuff. Wayne was a temp at e2i too,

from the same batch of temps. He looks quite funny here. 

Also worth mentioning was the Puma sale and Adidas sale. May saw a pair of shoes which she liked but didn't have her size, and Flea was in a dilemma over which Adidas bag to buy, which she didn't buy because the queue was too long. The crowd at the Adidas shop was really NO JOKE! We navigated the place with much difficulty thanks to the crowd there. I would've browsed the place more thoroughly if not for the suffocating crowd >:( Spotted some nice bags and shoes! But by not buying anything, I didn't have to spend anything, so that was fine by me too. 

Final photo in the train 

Then Flea had to go off, and the rest of us went to City Hall too look for May's shoes. Which we didn't find. :( The rest of the night was spent walking around and browsing shops like Muji, HMV, Royal Sporting House, Watson's, and Times, before calling a day and going separate ways.

I dropped by the coffee shop near Pioneer MRT to help get buns for Jason Han and Shoshi... and regretted not getting food for myself afterward cos' I was so hungry like 3 hours after I arrived back in hall. -.-

It was a day well-spent with the fellow temps, after not seeing them for so long. They were still very into Korean pop and bands, which I have zero interest in. Other than that, we did a lot of catching up - what we've been up to, what we want to do in the future, etc. I think we may be able to squeeze another meetup for dinner this summer holidays. :)

OOTD
Top: Lace Element Spaghetti Top from Hollyhoque
Bottom: White demin shorts from Forever 21

Yes I wore the shorts out a day after I bought it :) It felt really short though, a bit uncomfortable and that made me self-conscious for the whole day :/ When I was leaving hall in the morning, there were 2 guys at the carpark below block 60 meddling with their bicycles. I was looking at them as I thought I'd know them, but it turned out that I didn't. Then they whistled at me while I walked off, and my back was facing them. Gosh that definitely felt weird. I think it was the shorts :( I shall try to avoid long tops with such short shorts in the future. 

end, second year

I shifted out of hall yesterday. My family is very helpful, waiting for me to finish packing, and helping me transport all my stuff down to the car. I didn't know that I had so much stuff, seriously.

Mostly clothes, books, and small items. 

I left the hall with a heavy heart. Yes, I still have two more years with HSS, two more years with Hall 12. What made this sense of emptiness sweep over was the knowledge that I wouldn't be seeing those familiar faces again. The graduating students - they won't be hall residents no more. I looked around at certain spots, subconsciously, before the emptiness hit. Goodbye. The dreaded, most unwelcomed farewell, had finally arrived.

Time to rise up to another level of seniority. A batch leaves, 2 others promote, and a new one joins. Every year. 

Candy, Wen Ming, Jerry, Pee Hua. These seniors, I'll miss the most. For all the help rendered, advice so freely given, care and concern, genuineness, security and assurance. I've only really communicated with them this academic year, actually. Still, I really thank God for them, for having crossed paths with them at all. In fact, I think if not for my JCRC involvement, their names would not be here. 

If I'm feeling this way, well, I can't imagine how it would be for their closer friends.

As the saying goes: Change is the only constant. And is no exception. We're always moving, always adjusting. Just as we settle for something, another change is introduced. Such is life. We only have one direction to head - and that is forward.

Times of refreshing
Here in Your presence

No greater blessing
Than being with You

My soul is restored
My mind is renewed

There's no greater joy, Lord
Than being with you 

Exams are over!

Yes, it's finally over! Feels a little strange not studying but doing my other stuff, and without feeling guilty! Need some time to get used to it!

I kept taking outfit photos on the day of each paper! Just for fun I guess. Again, so that I can look back and see that this was what I wore. It's also to allow myself to dress up and feel happier by thinking that I look better :) My outfit for this final paper:

Top and skirt both from Hollyhoque :)

Claire and I went out after our Abnormal Psychology paper!

We went to Ippudo for dinner, as suggested by me :) I have been dying to go back there since forever, and didn't have the chance to, since I was busy with school work and was cooped up in school for the longest time. So when the opportunity arose... I jumped at it, haha.

It was Claire's first time there :D No queue as we were early

Clairebear :)

Here's the ramen I ordered. It was up to standard, as usual! Super delicious, loved everything from the noodles, to the egg, the pork (!!!!) and the soup. Well the soup was a little too salty, but I still finished every drop of it!

LOOKS GOOD RIGHT? Cost me $18
Taken with Instagram

I wanted to get an appetizer to share, so we got this.. Tamago something! The egg was really soft and fluffy, it's totally different from the kind that is wrapped in sushi. Makes you go 'mmmmm' at first bite! It's a little too pricey though, in my opinion.

Some diva egg that costs $9
Taken with Instagram

Happy and satisfied :)

We then went down to H&M, where it was my second time and Claire's first time there! Again, at my suggestion. I wanted to go and see if there was anything worth buying.. Lots of pretty stuff, but I felt that most of them were not exactly suitable for me.

Spent quite a lot of time there browsing the clothes! Poor Claire had to wait for me cos' I was so fickle-minded and didn't know which to choose and try. LOL. I picked five pieces to try, but did not buy any in the end -.- Almost bought a black top with lace covering the shoulders though. But I didn't know what to pair it with and didn't like it enough to want to buy it. Which was good, cos' I spent $77 at Forever 21 afterwards!!

Happily shopping

This time, it was Claire who suggested F21. I never really liked their clothes before today. Each time I went there, I would walk out empty handed. For some reason, their designs just did not appeal to me... or just were not tempting enough to try. 

Today, though, I spotted red shorts there! I've been hunting for a pair of nice red shorts for a month or two, but could never find a pair of affordable and nice-looking ones. Until we walked past the area with all the coloured shorts XD So I picked that out to try, plus a white pair of shorts (been looking around for one too!), an oversized knit top, and a spaghetti top with cutout-flaps. 

Only took photos of the red shorts and the ivory top though!

Pose, pose

I decided that I liked how I look with it and went ahead to purchase these, together with the white shorts. The spaghetti top was just too weird-looking, I didn't like it.

Clairebear FINALLY found clothes to try! She refused to try anything at H&M, apparently F21's clothes still better appease her. I kept thrusting clothes at her to ask her to try, but she ended up trying just 3 dresses. She really liked one of them - a black dress - but alas, the right size wasn't available. Which was a pity, cos she loved it and it's so hard to get her to like something!! Unlike me, I thought I'm really choosy with clothes too until I see how much I spend on them....

After our shopping (window shopping for Claire :/ ) it was already past 10pm, and we decided to get her some sushi and then head home.

It was nice spending time with Claire again! :) I always feel at ease with her, just like the JC days, and I never am subjected to evaluation apprehension when with her. We can talk about almost everything too. She's currently majoring in linguistics and psychology, but she wants to drop the latter cos' it's pulling down her GPA. Well psych pulls down MY GPA as well but I can't drop it because it's my only major. Sighhh I don't want to think about exams while I can avoid them. 

Bought supper for some of the hall mates - Vijay, Zijin, her roomie, her roome's friend, and Melvin - but didn't get any for myself! I couldn't decide whether to eat and settled for iced milo instead. It was nice chatting with some of the freshies like Nigel, Maxine, Ai Lin, and Vijay :) Think it's because I had been hiding in my room burried in books. Actually, I don't even feel much of the freshie-senior gap anymore. It's time for them to promote to 'senior' status anyway :) Time really flies.

Then Melvin passed me some of his hamster stuff like food, treats, and small cage. He wanted to let me choose and take more of his stuff, but I decided not to take too much as my dad would not be too happy about it. Melvin's hamster died during the year.. and he wasn't sure if he was going to keep another one as the last one's death was "too traumatising". I guess pet deaths always have that kind of impact on people. I still want to keep one because of the companionship it provides, and the happiness I experience simply by looking at it. Have always loved animals, and will always do. :)

Ok, then I went back to my room and got excited with the day's buys! Displayed them on the bed. Quality of the photo is quite bad though :/

White shorts with laced belt, tagged "I love H81", an American brand - $31, size 24
Firey red shorts, Forever 21 denim - $21, size 24
Sleeved ivory knit top - $25, size S

I'm still delighted that size 24 fits perfectly :) Seems like I didn't gain weight after all! 

Below: a Balenciaga-inspired bag which I ordered from Gmarket last week. It took me MONTHS to decide whether to get a bag with this design! I finally made the move to click and order since I'll need a bag for work when I start my temp job at e2i. Well the bag arrived today and I collected it from the Hall Office :) Even Mr Yip knew that it's a bag from feeling the parcel!

Medium regular motor bag in black, $25 + $8.50 for shipping
From Gmarket, seller StarBags

The photo looks so well-taken! Actually I just placed it on my bed and took a photo, then edited it with mei tu xu xu app and Photoscape on my laptop. Tada! 

I wasn't particularly impressed with the material, as it looks like one that will tear or peel of easily :/ Tried scratching a bit of the skin but there were no visible markings left on it, so I thought maybe I shouldn't doubt this bag too much :) The size is just right for me - can fit a cardigan, handphone, wallet, book, makeup, even some A4-sized documents! Can't put too much of the A4 stuff though.

More pictures of my new goodies today!

Sometimes I think that I'm too easily-satisfied.. I crave for material wants like these and derive joy and satisfaction from acquiring these. It seems so, at least... but I really hope this isn't the case!

Overall, it's been a happy day, apart from waking up late and having less time to revise before the paper which made me want to tear up the exam booklet.

I still have a lot of things to do, I realise. Time to get started on planning...

bag of nerves

I am so, so,, so, so, so so so so freaking nervous now for my accounting paper at 5pm!

Too much squeezed into a semester seriously :( 

Really need to come down but I CAN'T!!! AH I'M SO SCARED

Why is it so hard to talk to you?

Keep telling myself not to take it personally, not to try and figure things out on my own. What's the point?

Looking back,

I think my blogging style has changed a lot when I read my posts from my teenage years. Early to mid-teens, that is. It's quite hilarious, the amount of Singlish I used and how I commented and talked about every single thing that I did, how there were friends who read this blog with my *urgh* absolutely disgusting blogging style. Haha. But hey, that's what a blog is for right? Look back, and see how much change I have gone through. How the Singlish has been cut dramatically, how I attempted to move on to more serious things in life, how I started blogging about other issues and adapted a more serious tone just so I could practice writing for certain papers like GP.

I'm glad to say that this space is still being used. Survived my whole teenage life. Moving into early adulthood with me, and many more years to come, I hope :)

It's a really good platform for reflections and rants. I don't post anything unpure because this reflects who I am :) And I wish to remain clean. For God, of course.

People get busier over the years. Friends come and go. I don't know how many of my friends still blog. One thing for sure, the friends who used to visit this space so regularly are distant friends now. Not that I want traffic; I very much enjoy the low readership cos' I don't have to exercise so much censorship for my thoughts made public -.- I think I only have 1 or 2 readers now? I don't even know who they are!

And of course... I still am ambiguous with my words now and then. Not ready to pour my entire heart out here just yet. Don't think I ever will.

sounds in the hall toilets

This is a lame post, but it's something that captured my attention recently, for I-dunno-what reason, and I decided to blog this :)

1. Banging sounds

These are likely to be the sound made by the guys in the toilet upstairs when they hit the taps.

The water from the tap at the basins flow for only 2-3 seconds, you see. It's a little difficult for us when we're trying to cup water for rinsing our mouths or faces. The force used to press the tap for water increases when we're agitated.