I wanna dig a hole and bury myself in it.

The two other score masters can very well manage without me, in fact I think they'll do better.
The class will not get irritated with my constant nagging at them to pay up, they'll be much happier than they are now.
The maths class will see no more of their irresponsible rep.
The cell's long overdue birthday cards will go into the hole with me.
The teachers will have their burdens lightened.
The family's monthly expenses will see a drastic decrease.

This is a good idea. I need a spade.

Retreating, perhaps? Havent you noticed?

to the committee

We will emerge, stronger, victorious
Don't forget that without them, we would not be where we are at our present stage.
We are not three, not two, but one
Every individual counts, no one is left behind
We will do whatever we can to salvage the situation


If God is with us, who can be against us? 'nuff said.

CO farewell, SRJC visit

Happy 17th birthdays,

Daryl and Fiona!

I couldn't do anything much for Daryl other than hoping I would bump into him in school on Friday so that I could personally wish him a blessed birthday!! Well, I did (: But his hands were wet when we met so I couldn't shake them, lol.

Fiona's birthday was different though. I met Xi Ying at Kovan before heading down to SRJC with helium balloons and a sunflower for Fio. It was an impromptu decision, she didn't expect me to be there =P I walked into SR in my AC uniform and people were wondering why I was there but anyway.. the birthday girl was happy and that's all that mattered (:

I was happy too, because I saw and said HI to YeoMei Anthony Lewis Andrew Samantha Darius Clara Gwynna Dwayne Michael Priya Sheevonne Huizi Girija and of course Fio XY 'Muscle' and Victor.. did I miss anyone out? Jerome wasn't in school, he was sick.. and D Sen only responded to my "are you in school" sms at 7.05pm .

Dwayne freaking scared the kidneys out of me by kidnapping my visitor's pass without my knowledge! What a thing to do... and there I was panicking like an idiot, with XY helping me check my bag.

I took 113 back with Sheevonne and that's when she showed me her class photos and the entire science stream collage... and she was showing me her eyecandies, confessing that she has FIVE of them when I asked. Omg Sheevonne!!!!!!!!!

-----
The busy life sets in once again with
1) so much school work thrust into my arms
2) so many impossible deadlines to meet

I know for sure that I cannot hand up all my work on time. One glimpse at my to-do list and it's enough to make me feel lethargic (cos' it's so humanly not possible to complete). I end up having to do selective working. This is a nightmare!  Hmm. It's not exactly a nightmare since I work through the night. Ok, but I do get nightmares when I sleep. Like how I dreamt that Mr Sim caught me for skirt when it was so ridiculously long, and how I got so traumatised by the way he embarrassed me...

This, is my idea of de-stressing.
Blogging??

I borrowed Brian's Chinese book since the laoshi wanted to bring ours today but I forgot. Turned out that she didn't even use it to do to the exercises in them.

CO. I mention CO in almost every post. But I dont think I have enough time to post about it today! Neither do I want to blog about the PL musical yet.. not yet, not when there are 14 GP article reviews and an econs case study calling out to me to be worked on!

Sorry I dont feel like replying your tags. heh

Happiest JC days so far?

Those at SRJC, those spent with my very first orientation group.

Reassured

Today sucked.. I felt really disturbed after yet another meeting cos' it seems like nothing gets done and we're just sitting around. Talk about school work, music theory and the 'time of the month'. I thought I was going to disintegrate again.

But as I walked to the station from the school, I felt God speaking, reminding me not to take matters into my own hands...and the Cares Chorus slipped into my mind almost immediately.

I cast all my cares upon You
I lay all of my burdens down at Your feet
And everytime I don't know what to do
I will cast all my cares upon You

Then I felt at peace. I hope I don't explode tonight.

LOL LOL LOL
Jerome actually responded to my PM. (no one else did) It was "say you love me every waking moment", first line of the chorus from All I Ask of You in POTO.

J.L. [6] I'm jus not good enough.. Envy - the cause of my death.. says:
lol..
J.L. [6] I'm jus not good enough.. Envy - the cause of my death.. says:
i love u every waking moment...

gosh he's so funny.

New erhu instructor

Yesterday's CO practice was a total disaster!! The conductor arrived even before all the new scores were distributed. Even so, some instruments did not have scores for certain pieces, we (Serene, Janet and I -- the temporary score I/Cs) were not told that we had to make sure all the scores for the same piece were arranged by the same arranger so all instruments start with the same key, CO library of scores did not have the orchestral scores for the pieces we were going to play, conductor wasn't happy.



Lesson learnt: DON'T distribute scores on the day of practice itself to avoid a mad rush/mess, arrange the scores for each instrument (each individual) beforehand, try not to give it to them by sections or they'll complain it's missing, etc.



At least the laoshi was nice enough to say 第一次是这样的啦。She didn't blame us for the terrible mess yesterday.



Only Janet and I were present from our section so there wasn't any gaohu, zhonghu, or erhu1. Just 2 pathetic erhu2s. Needless to say, mistakes were amplified and unclarity was more obvious. Same thing, conductor wasn't very happy.. Sorry la I can't help it, I only picked up the instrument this March. He went on to nag about how the new instructor (SCO concert master, mind you) will not be pleased with our standard and that we have to buck up. He's wrong about the former.



The new instructor is so freaking nice, it motivates me to work harder. He corrected all my holding and fingering because my foundation is weak, it was the J3s and 2s who taught me.. and most of it was self-taught. The previous instructor didn't coach me personally like this one did. At the end of sectionals, he even said I'm a fast learner for someone who's been playing the erhu for only half a year, even though I thought my performance was shit. Yeah, I'll practice more to avoid disappointing this new laoshi!



HOho. Both Janet and Xuan Han know the password to my laptop.

There was a break in between sectionals and we met for awhile to discuss the farewell agian.

Shawn was happily tapping away on the touchpad of my laptop.. 15 photos were then taken -.- most of them being candid shots.

AND AGAIN, after sectionals we stayed back to discuss farewell details and then I went to get _________ with Pei Yan.

Now I have to redo my EoM. Nothing can get more irritating than that!

I hope it's finalised. Once, and for all... it sucks when you keep feeling ________.

CCA, CCA, ...

(Every event in this post took place yesterday)



I was late for school. My stack of notes fell out from my file while making my way to the hall. 2 girls in front of me very kindly helped to pick them up. So paiseh.



I got caught for skirt. HELLO, you should look at the lengths of some other girls' skirts, they're wayyyy shorter than mine! I kena all the time. So paiseh again because that teacher made me go to the toilet to adjust it. This was in front of 2 friggin' lines of students outside the hall and LTs. Gosh. So I had my skirt pulled as low as possible just to please that teacher with its length.





I went to _________ with Shawn and Xuan Han to purchase some stuff for the seniors. While walking there, we saw this SA girl whose skirt was really the ultimate, making her the queen of short skirts (school uniform category) -- her FBTs underneath could be seen. I swear the 2 guys' eyes were popping out.

Anyway, the both of them are sick in a way or another. They're guys. Duh. You should have heard the way they discussed the factors to consider before we bought the gifts... It was funny. Ohhh we went for dessert after dinner...

Then XH realised I was gonna start snapping photos, and instead of posing nicely, they ganged up against me by whipping out their phones to aim their cameras at me. Wth -.-

Amelia and her baba pwns Chinese lessons! (*winks at Claire*) Chinese is a joke because of my awesome friends who make it a joke. lol. ni3 men2 xi1!

Term exam results

Term exam results were a disappointment, but I still thank God that I passed 3 H2s and 1 H1.

Grade - Subject
B - Biology (H2, assuming that they round the decimal place up)
C - Econs (H2)
D - Chinese (H1)
E - Geog (H2)
U - GP (H1), Math (H1)

Am I giving up? No.
Am I giving up? No.
Am I giving up? No.
What action(s) am I going to take? Take refuge in the closet.

It's a test of the mind.. Now that the competition is even more intense than before, the ideal and simplest thing to do is give in to my circumstances, not battle it. It's tiring. But when I think of how many I'll disappoint when I wave my white flag, that's another story...
Whatever happened to the rule of not allowing my emotions to direct my moves?
One thing for sure, it's always better to have listening ears outside of school. 
Self-motivation happens in the economic world and not literally IN us.
For You I will, for you I will, for you I will.

GCE A Level Chinese Oral Examination

Team M044... First five students to be examined for the day were all from my class. Yes I'm talking about the horribly-done oral exam.

I'm the 5th person, I always seem to be the last, if not last few because of the way my full name is spelt-.-

The 5 of us were sitting at the void deck just before reporting to the sports complex. I seemed to be the only one who was so tensed up over the exam,. I looked at Claire -- she was dead calm, claiming that she had "given up already"; Marcus and Andrew (Ong) had the bochup expressions, they only read a bit from the 口试资料we had; Eugenia simply hoped that she would not read or converse too loudly. Simply being with them calmed my nerves by leaps (I wouldn't say bounds though), such that by the time we made that dreaded walk over to the sports complex, I was emotionally (more) stable.

I decided that worrying was not going to do me any good. There, outside the SMR, after my 4 classmates have vacated their chairs at the waiting area, I prayed a final prayer. "Faith" was the word. Trust God with the oral exam, I just had to give my all to Him and let Him take control, not attempt to handle it on my own as I had rashly done with my term exams.

I landed in front of the examiners in no time. ( I sound like a plane) My voice was unstable, there was silence all around me and I was trying to adjust my volume like what we usually do to our audio speakers.

Ok the passage was generally fluent yet not there, I read 泰国 as de2 guo2 and fei1 guo2. It just didn't occur to me that the country in question was Thailand. I got 异 and 导 mixed up. I had awkward pauses in between lines. Worst thing is that I started the first paragraph sounding totally unsure of myself.

The conversation. Ah, the conversation. The topic was totally unexpected.
"...Formula one 赛车... ..."
I knew I was doomed. I was done for. But somehow, by the grace of God, words actually came out from my mouth. I spoke. wow! That itself is a miracle. Haha. Although my points were simply 'not there' and the examiners were trying to suppress their laughter when I said Singaporeans must drive carefully on the roads and not think they're racing, or this will cause many road accidents. =.= Even worse, when they asked why it's held at night, I said it's because the kids were all at home and not watching the actual race so they will not learn about speeding on roads -.-

Oh, whatever.

Then I laughed silently with Claire and Andrew at the quarantine area until I no longer felt pissed with myself for screwing up my exam. We were laughing at Claire's mistakes. In fact this girl and I laughed about it all the way from the sports complex back to the void deck to the canteen where Victoria and Sheena probably thought we're nuts. Laughing so hard after a national exam.


If not for these four kids, I would have collapsed under all the unnecessary pressure placed upon myself, so I thank God for them! :) I've never laughed so much just before and after an exam.

My English is atrocious.

*shakes head* MSN discussions simply don't work out.

Remaining 'indifferent'

我看着我周围。。

每个人都在做出这些事。当然，什么“事”，我就不说了，我不想得罪任何人。
我不要被他人影响，但要躲避也不容易。我要对今天做出的决定负责任，不要做出后悔的事。

（糟糕了，我的华文水平又退步了。）

I'm surrounded by what conservatives would probably call members of "a society (that's) getting out of hand", which is true as far as certain subjects are concerned...

It's hard, it really is, to remain seemingly indifferent to their rapidly changing views.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Philippians 4:8

I am not being inflexible, 'old-fashioned' or 'stuck in the past' in any way, I just don't want to get influenced. I don't want to follow the crowd. I don't want to regret in the near future.

I pray that I'll be calm for tomorrow's oral.. that's all I'm asking for for now...

BULLETIN BOARD OF SOME SORT -.-

I am desperately trying to sell off a musical ticket.. Due to some complications (ask Pearlyn to recite the entire story), I end up paying for both Fiona's ticket and my own, and now I have to sell hers off. sigh. I've already covered the cost of George's enCOre ticket when I paid for him in advance but he did not turn up. I don't like asking for money and I also got a lil' tired of chasing him for the $12..

Details of the musical are as follows:

My Father's Gift
PLMGS Agape Concert Hall
19 July 2008 (Saturday)
7.15pm sharp (no entry thereafter till interval)

Interested buyer (yes, singular), please contact me ASAP :) Thank you.

FTMZ, I forgive you. HAHA.
Chelsie, I (L) you!
Jesus, I (L) You more!

CO Farewell Comm meeting 3

I was on the train making my way down to school when I received an SMS from Pei Yan, she said to go to Holland V instead of school o_O

We had our 3rd seniors' farewell planning committee meeting today...

our very first meeting was at the void deck in school (yes we do have one) which was rather unproductive, only PY Brian Ken and I were present. Our second meeting was an 'urgent' one which we had on MSN. Today's, then, was our third. Everyone turned up -- XuanHan Shawn Amanda PY Brian Me -- except for Ken. Shawn and XH left before I took the retarded photos. We got most details settled... but of course there's still a lot to be done.



Just wonder how they pick the J1s for the planning... They shouldn't have included me in it, I make a bad choice. haha. I can only give crappy suggestions during meetings!





I went to church for service thereafter... Today's cell attendance was quite pathetic. It was just J, J, J, D, XY and cell leaders. We talked about sensitive issues which I feel isn't suitable for a large group. Only hope that this will strengthen our faith instead of waver it! As for the service.. I thought it was more of a challenge for us to put Jesus first in our lives simply because He deserves it. It's not easy. Why else will I say it's a challenge?



Then J, J, J and Wan Hui went to KFC for dinner. I took my laptop out again... and woooH! 52 photos!

Yikes, fail. Cannot grab properly. Jace and I were laughing too much >.<



Check out the cell blog for more (:

555th post

joyce says:
ty
ANTs ate my double-DECker sandwich (: says:
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT???
joyce says:
ty = thank you
joyce says:
this is the third time i'm saying it


My goodness.

O_O THIS HAPPENS TO BE MY 555th post! and it's about CLAIRE?? No way! I will edit this post. Haha. You wait. 555 is a nice number (nicer than 666) because it's printed on those small and cheap notebooks which can be found at Popular -- the 555 notebooks. My mum makes me write my 'claims' inside. If I don't write them there, she won't let me claim money.

_____

今天林老师在和我们上课时突然说她认为“博客”这个话题会出来。我也希望它会出来！这个话题相当容易讲吧。。哈哈，我是说说而已。如果叫我在考官的面前谈的话，我看，不会这么容易！现在已经有点儿紧张了！

林老师还了我们的华文考卷，让我们算算分数，然后又把卷及收回去。那么，我到底拿到了怎样的分数呢？嗨！其实，要不是我的作文，我就会“死得很惨”的。我的那些理解问答题都做得很差，总共40.5/100。但是我的作文那到44/60！！表答22分，内溶22分!我一看到我的作文分数，也不敢相信手中的那篇文章是自己写出来的。因为要拿到40分以上就好像一个永远达不到的梦想。真的没想到会梦想纯真（成语用对吗？）。

还记得上个星期，在选做问题的时候，我不知要选哪一题。因为老师在上课时一直在警告我们播要做第一或第四题，最好是选第二或三。但是我偏偏去做第四题，因为我认为那提比较好做！！没办法啦，我去年一直都在做报章报道，补习老师教我怎样把那种作文写好，我到现在还能记得。所以就选了第四题，跟报章读后感的写法差不多。

我这个乌鸦嘴，还告诉老师我用华文打博客。可是她说很好，又鼓励我多用华文打博客，因为这样就能提高我的水平。啊！！ 也许老师说得对。我现在真的一直用华文，连朋友都觉得我在发神经。可是我这样做，渐渐地，我开始发现其实写作文也可以像打博客一样，只不过要用笔和稿纸写下来而已。也许用华文打博客真的会帮助我的表达。喂，我是从表达12分跳到22分的哦！当然啊，第一个要感谢的是组耶稣。。要不然，我这次的华文考试会失落，而不及格！

不错不错，每当我用华文打博客时，心里充满满足感。
我不能让华文当上我的敌人，而是要跟它做朋友！

(Translated, last paragraph of the Chinese portion)
Not bad! When I blog in Chinese now, a sense of accomplishment sweeps over me.
I can't see Chinese as an enemy, and I should instead make 'friends' with it!

I'm sorry if you're Chinese and you claim you can't read my post.. I don't want to do further translation. The whole purpose was to blog in CL to try and improve in my essay-writing and expression, as well as practice for this Tuesday's A level oral! I don't know, I just feel that blooging in Chinese helps in one way or another.


我等你，等了整个晚上。你却没出现，连影子也没看到。我好累啊，好累。还是去睡觉吧。

My gp teacher

(blogging from my phone now.. Thank God for free gprs)

I am so pissed, i dont know how to show it. I guess i'm just looking dazed on the outside. It's about GP, again. Wth.

ok firstly, we did 2 compres and 2 essays in term 2. Sir did not return us a single marked assignment. He returned our very first compre during the holidays. Take note, june hols. Our 2 essays and 1 compre are still with him. So if we do badly for our term exams, it's not our fault cos we can't assess how we did for our 'practice' compres.

Secondly, sir's pigeonhole disappeared mysteriously during the holidays. He claimed that it got stolen. Now how's that possible? There wasn't an empty slot to show that a drawer was pulled out from where it was supposed to be at. How, then, were others gonna submit their assignments?

Thirdly, i handed every single assignment in ON TIME, even forgoing sleep last term. And today he said he doesnt have my compre. I'm not the only victim. It just doesnt make sense to get a zero for something you DID and SUBMITTED PUNCTUALLY, does it? The fact that it's graded and (counted as part of our CA marks) doesnt make things any easier.

Finally. I was wondering why every other class was fretting over some newspaper article compilation thing for gp when our class was feeling so relaxed. Something just wasnt right, i knew that we had to do that as well. But since sir did not mention anything about it, i kept quiet too. He just "reminded" during our lesson this morning about how we have to do evaluations for 30 articles. And then he claimed he told us about it last term. All 23 of us denied it. How's that possible? We all didn't hear him say it, duh. So now we have less time to complete this as compared to the other classes which started on them 2 to 3 months earlier.

I have nothing else to say... I'm just. Really unhappy. Dont comment on this please.

aieee thank you Daniel, or I'd have emo-ed the entire night..
Not too sure about later in school though =( But yes thanks anyway!! You were a great help :)

irregularities in m cycle - early pms

Ah, but you're not, you see... so that makes everything - not - alright.
(all the better if you can't see the link between this and that)

_____

我忍，我会继续忍。但忍到几时，我也无法猜到。

_____

为了我的华文口试，为了弄自己习惯用华文来表达自己，我这几天（直到下个星期二）会在博客里多用华文。表达差也没关系。哈哈，我的一篇作文，内容拿到20/30，表达却拿12/30。真令我拍案叫绝。其实，用华文也不是很难，只要多动脑筋。用华文也有多一个好处 -- 减少读者，可以对牛弹琴。除非是那些华文拿手在读啦。。

今天，别班老师把考卷还给他们，但我的班连一份考卷都没拿。没关系。反正我一进直到自己会拿到什么分数了。这都是咎由自取的。要怪，只能怪自己。我真的不想留班啊。。。 I should just buy myself a closet and shut myself in it whenever I'm home. Or buy an ultra portable closet so I can hide there and mug on the move. 对，就是买衣橱，然后躲在里面读书。要不然怎么样呢？！怎样才能拿到好成绩？自从我进了初级学院之后，我一直在感觉到学业非大的压力。“不及格”这三个字，我看到习惯了。可是我不要看到“不及格”，而是是A或B或C！也有可能，我的目标太高了吧，要调整一下？

明天是我校华乐团Seniors' farewell计划委员的第一个开会（哈哈，开会。对不起啦我不知道要用什么字才好）。不知会有什么效果？

_____

1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
2 You
know when I
sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from
afar.
3 You
discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my
ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O
LORD.
5 You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon
me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to
attain.
Psalm 139:1-6

Despite our finiteness, our lives rest in the hands of the One who knows
all the whats, whys and whens we'll ever face. As we trust in Him, He'll guide
us in the path He desires us to take -- and His way is never wrong.
- Bill Crowder

In a world of mystery, it's a comfort to know the the God who knows all things. What's more, He's our Friend and Father. What more can I ask?

Bad way to start the post, but no greater way to end it.