2010 has been a year of many firsts. Below is a brief summary.
1. First ever job interview which landed me in e2i, no working experience before this.
2. First year in LSBC's YWA zone :)
3. Volunteering experience for a national event - NDP, then SYOG. (the next event was SCMS)
4. Orientation camps in university, starting with CAC, then Psych, then Hall.
5. Clubbing. (not once, but 5 times within 6 months omg)
6. First (academic year) in 12 years not being in a music CCA.
7. Living away from home for long periods of time (hall) and hence, doing my own laundry.
8. The start of university life.
9. ADULT FARES FOR PUBLIC TRANSPORT :(
10. Exams that stretch till Christmas.
11. Joining dance (in hall). Again, with zero prior experience.
12. Vomitting in the car. Haha.
There were many transitions, many instances whereby I had to navigate around on my own.It was hard trying to deal with the new level of independence that accompanies a new phase of education. My degrees of freedom widened by quite a bit, but that was more or less manageable, thank God. Speaking of that, I'm guilty of not including God in my decision-making, where I tried to handle most (actually, all) of them on my own... which, in the process, resulted in several emotional lows.
Post to be continued. I hope. haha.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
I've got a fever, I'm hot, I can't be stopped
Things to be thankful for:
1. EXAMS ARE OVER!!!!
2. Fever came after my exams, not before
What really sucks:
1. Thanks to my fever, I'm sitting in my room in hall rotting away instead of clubbing with my psych mates.
2. The exams didn't go well.
Haha, maybe it's God's way of telling me not to party so hard, since I already went with Shengkun and co. last Friday. Before the end of my exams, can you believe that?! I can't! ha ha ha! (okay, must be the fever)
Anyway here's some cool stuff I found on the Internet. Like, wow okay I didn't know that.
Fever serves as one of the body's natural defenses against bacteria and viruses which cannot live at a higher temperature. For that reason, low fevers should normally go untreated, unless accompanied by troubling symptoms.
Also, the body's defense mechanisms seem to work more efficiently at a higher temperature. Fever is just one part of an illness, many times no more important than the presence of other symptoms such as cough, sore throat, fatigue, joint pains or aches, chills, nausea, etc.
(Source: http://www.medicinenet.com/aches_pain_fever/article.htm)
So there's some bacterial or viral infection in my body which explains the elevated temperature?
1. EXAMS ARE OVER!!!!
2. Fever came after my exams, not before
What really sucks:
1. Thanks to my fever, I'm sitting in my room in hall rotting away instead of clubbing with my psych mates.
2. The exams didn't go well.
Haha, maybe it's God's way of telling me not to party so hard, since I already went with Shengkun and co. last Friday. Before the end of my exams, can you believe that?! I can't! ha ha ha! (okay, must be the fever)
Anyway here's some cool stuff I found on the Internet. Like, wow okay I didn't know that.
Fever serves as one of the body's natural defenses against bacteria and viruses which cannot live at a higher temperature. For that reason, low fevers should normally go untreated, unless accompanied by troubling symptoms.
Also, the body's defense mechanisms seem to work more efficiently at a higher temperature. Fever is just one part of an illness, many times no more important than the presence of other symptoms such as cough, sore throat, fatigue, joint pains or aches, chills, nausea, etc.
(Source: http://www.medicinenet.com/aches_pain_fever/article.htm)
So there's some bacterial or viral infection in my body which explains the elevated temperature?
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Maybe it's true
Not long ago, some of my course mates and I submitted our group project for HP102. The hypothesis?
Upward comparison leads to a lower temporal satisfaction with life.
The thing is, I wrote most of the introduction. And though there was insufficient evidence to support our hypothesis, I personally think this hypothesis is true. It's growing on me right now. Whatever was in the introduction of our report is being projected through myself now. I cannot, however, define the duration of 'temporal' here because I have no clue when it will actually come to an end. Temporal would simply mean that it's not permanent.
When your closest peers have all found or have almost found their other half, and you find that you are still very much alone, trust me, you'd wonder if you'd ever meet yours too. Research in cognitive science has shown that humans always make comparisons, and this comes naturally (Strauss & Quinn, 1997). (I'm trying to rephrase my own work here so that I would not appear to be plagiarising my own work. Oh, the frustration.) It gets harder when, as mentioned above, your closest peers (in fact, every one of them) have something and the realisation hits you that you don't have it. This is the reality, the effect of upward social comparison on the perception of your own life. I don't know, I may have experienced cognitive dissonance upon completion of that report, such that my cognitions are being altered so that I actually agree (100%) with the hypothesis, even though we had insufficient statistical data to support it. This feeling of emptiness and dissatisfaction certainly is bothering me, (it's salient and I know it, no need to measure my life satisfaction before and after this awareness,) especially when my exams have just begun and there is this battle going on in my head. All the competing stimuli is getting to me and well, I need to filter some out. It's really depressing.
Today, right now, more than any other time, there is a need to trust God and stop trying to analyse my own life and situations. I hate it when I do this, running to God only when I need help. I really do.
I feel like going to a place where I can be alone and pray, confess and voice my deepest thoughts. Away from the presence of people, away from all worldly distractions. Just me, and my Father.
Upward comparison leads to a lower temporal satisfaction with life.
The thing is, I wrote most of the introduction. And though there was insufficient evidence to support our hypothesis, I personally think this hypothesis is true. It's growing on me right now. Whatever was in the introduction of our report is being projected through myself now. I cannot, however, define the duration of 'temporal' here because I have no clue when it will actually come to an end. Temporal would simply mean that it's not permanent.
When your closest peers have all found or have almost found their other half, and you find that you are still very much alone, trust me, you'd wonder if you'd ever meet yours too. Research in cognitive science has shown that humans always make comparisons, and this comes naturally (Strauss & Quinn, 1997). (I'm trying to rephrase my own work here so that I would not appear to be plagiarising my own work. Oh, the frustration.) It gets harder when, as mentioned above, your closest peers (in fact, every one of them) have something and the realisation hits you that you don't have it. This is the reality, the effect of upward social comparison on the perception of your own life. I don't know, I may have experienced cognitive dissonance upon completion of that report, such that my cognitions are being altered so that I actually agree (100%) with the hypothesis, even though we had insufficient statistical data to support it. This feeling of emptiness and dissatisfaction certainly is bothering me, (it's salient and I know it, no need to measure my life satisfaction before and after this awareness,) especially when my exams have just begun and there is this battle going on in my head. All the competing stimuli is getting to me and well, I need to filter some out. It's really depressing.
Today, right now, more than any other time, there is a need to trust God and stop trying to analyse my own life and situations. I hate it when I do this, running to God only when I need help. I really do.
I feel like going to a place where I can be alone and pray, confess and voice my deepest thoughts. Away from the presence of people, away from all worldly distractions. Just me, and my Father.
Tuesday, December 07, 2010
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHh
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhh HELLPPPPPPPPP I DONT WANT TO LOOK AT THIS ANYMORE
okay. Firstly, why do we strive so hard for something that's not tangible? (Like, studying so hard for my five papers within the next 2 weeks?) What is our motivation (all processes involved in initiating, directing and maintaining physical and psychological activities) behind this? It's partially because this gives us an extrinsic motivation, as in monetary gains in the future and a competitive edge in society. Psychologists believe in the need for achievement (n Ach), which is a mental state that gives us a psychological motive to excel or reach some goal, mainly at the conscious level. When we finally manage to achieve that goal, we may be rewarded - intrinsically or extrinsically.
Personality disorders. They show themselves in chronic patterns of poor judgment, disordered thinking, emotional disturbances, disrupted social relationships, or lack of impulse control.
The Pearson correlation measures the degree and direction of linear relationship between two variables. it is computed by r=(covariability of X and Y)/(variability of X and Y separately)
okay. Firstly, why do we strive so hard for something that's not tangible? (Like, studying so hard for my five papers within the next 2 weeks?) What is our motivation (all processes involved in initiating, directing and maintaining physical and psychological activities) behind this? It's partially because this gives us an extrinsic motivation, as in monetary gains in the future and a competitive edge in society. Psychologists believe in the need for achievement (n Ach), which is a mental state that gives us a psychological motive to excel or reach some goal, mainly at the conscious level. When we finally manage to achieve that goal, we may be rewarded - intrinsically or extrinsically.
Personality disorders. They show themselves in chronic patterns of poor judgment, disordered thinking, emotional disturbances, disrupted social relationships, or lack of impulse control.
The Pearson correlation measures the degree and direction of linear relationship between two variables. it is computed by r=(covariability of X and Y)/(variability of X and Y separately)
Monday, December 06, 2010
Exams... in December?
As the time draws nearer to the examinations - less than a week now - the stress level once again reaches another peak. It's not THAT high a maximum yet for me, because well. It's not near enough. But the mere look at the stack of notes and textbooks on my desk is enough to will me into studying, a good enough indicator of how much I don't know and how much I need to know.
Currently in the midst of reversing my abnormal body clock back to normality.
Currently deliberately removing myself from civilisation. But still in touch with the world through Facebook :)
While others are playing and enjoying themselves out there, the studying level at NTU has reached an all-time high ....
Oh my gosh I need to study.
Currently in the midst of reversing my abnormal body clock back to normality.
Currently deliberately removing myself from civilisation. But still in touch with the world through Facebook :)
While others are playing and enjoying themselves out there, the studying level at NTU has reached an all-time high ....
Oh my gosh I need to study.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Psychology is cool. I think.
Things I read from my intro psych textbook today:
1. People who abuse drugs, engage in violent and (teen) sexual activities do not have a problem with their self-esteem. They need positive achievements and prosocial behaviours.
2. (Albert Bandura) Part of personality is a collection of learned behaviour patterns. Through social/observational learning, responses are acquired after watching others' behaviour and the consequences of their behaviour. It is the ability to forsee the consequences of actions, particularly in what happens to others.
3. (Bandura) Reciprocal determinism is the process in which cognitions, behaviour, and the environment mutually influence each other. Each of the three elements reinforces the others. Say, I love music (cognition), so I join a musical ensemble and spend more time with my ensemble mates (social behaviour) in the music studio/room (environment). In a more spiritual sense, I may feel affirmed about my choice because the three elements work to reward me and make me feel good and feel like I've done the right thing. (yea sure, if only this were true)
4. Our behaviour is largely influenced by our sense of power, or locus of control (Julian Rotter). It is an individual's sense of whether control his or her life is maternal or external. I can say that I am master of my own life (internal locus of control), or fate determines what happens to me (external locus of control). Where religion is concerned, I think both are involved though. I know, for one, that my future is in God's hands, and He has plans for me (external). However, since God loves us and gives us the freedom of choice, I can decide what to do, whether I want to be a rebel and walk away from that path, or engage in activities that may lead me closer to His plans (internal).
Psychology over sociology any day, man. At least I can relate to them. Today's soci quiz totally murdered me. I really hope I pass it.
1. People who abuse drugs, engage in violent and (teen) sexual activities do not have a problem with their self-esteem. They need positive achievements and prosocial behaviours.
2. (Albert Bandura) Part of personality is a collection of learned behaviour patterns. Through social/observational learning, responses are acquired after watching others' behaviour and the consequences of their behaviour. It is the ability to forsee the consequences of actions, particularly in what happens to others.
3. (Bandura) Reciprocal determinism is the process in which cognitions, behaviour, and the environment mutually influence each other. Each of the three elements reinforces the others. Say, I love music (cognition), so I join a musical ensemble and spend more time with my ensemble mates (social behaviour) in the music studio/room (environment). In a more spiritual sense, I may feel affirmed about my choice because the three elements work to reward me and make me feel good and feel like I've done the right thing. (yea sure, if only this were true)
4. Our behaviour is largely influenced by our sense of power, or locus of control (Julian Rotter). It is an individual's sense of whether control his or her life is maternal or external. I can say that I am master of my own life (internal locus of control), or fate determines what happens to me (external locus of control). Where religion is concerned, I think both are involved though. I know, for one, that my future is in God's hands, and He has plans for me (external). However, since God loves us and gives us the freedom of choice, I can decide what to do, whether I want to be a rebel and walk away from that path, or engage in activities that may lead me closer to His plans (internal).
Psychology over sociology any day, man. At least I can relate to them. Today's soci quiz totally murdered me. I really hope I pass it.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Hollyhoque Contour Bodycon Dress
I'm sad :( Woke up just to catch HH's launch, waited a few minutes, still no launch, decided to give in to my body's need to release waste, came back, and was too late.
My Contour Bodycon Dress - Black in Size S (UK6) was all pending. :'( Really like that dress a lot! :( :(
My Contour Bodycon Dress - Black in Size S (UK6) was all pending. :'( Really like that dress a lot! :( :(
Friday, November 19, 2010
Downtown East Murder
Pride? Display of 'power' and capabilities? Were those what the teens/tweens wanted by engaging in such an impulsive act?
Alas, it's too late. The deed has been done.
If convicted, they face the death penalty. No mercy there, they will never see, hear smell, taste, nor feel anything after that..
I wonder how their families are doing now. Their parents must be hardest hit, I mean the fact that their sons' lives are in the hands of the judicial system, not theirs. All those years they've spent trying to bring up their sons gone down the drain, all that blood, sweat and tears wasted just like that, should the boys/men be guilty of murder. Too late to do anything now, besides pray and engage the best lawyers (if they even have financial means to). The defense may not even win the case(s). But as parents, they'd naturally want to do anything within their means to help their beloved sons, even if it means they will lose everything (money to hire lawyer + son if state wins).
Oh dear. I really feel for their parents :( I hope they remain sane and not end up needing psychiatric tests themselves. My limbic system is very active at the moment.
Alas, it's too late. The deed has been done.
If convicted, they face the death penalty. No mercy there, they will never see, hear smell, taste, nor feel anything after that..
I wonder how their families are doing now. Their parents must be hardest hit, I mean the fact that their sons' lives are in the hands of the judicial system, not theirs. All those years they've spent trying to bring up their sons gone down the drain, all that blood, sweat and tears wasted just like that, should the boys/men be guilty of murder. Too late to do anything now, besides pray and engage the best lawyers (if they even have financial means to). The defense may not even win the case(s). But as parents, they'd naturally want to do anything within their means to help their beloved sons, even if it means they will lose everything (money to hire lawyer + son if state wins).
Oh dear. I really feel for their parents :( I hope they remain sane and not end up needing psychiatric tests themselves. My limbic system is very active at the moment.
Monday, November 08, 2010
Maybe that's why I do silly things
Kept trying, trying, trying, was so confident that I would get it, but no I NEVER do. It's this kind of frustration that makes me want to give up once and for all, intensifies my inferiority complex (yes I know I have it), and makes me want to do more stupid things like in my previous post to try and forget it all, push it all away, pretend this never had to happen. It's times like this that I feel I simply am not good enough, and will never be good enough.
And I yearn to go back to where I can be accepted and 'loved,' even if only for awhile. Though I know that after the whole episode I'll have to face this shit again.
Take this away from me. Please. It's agonising.
And I yearn to go back to where I can be accepted and 'loved,' even if only for awhile. Though I know that after the whole episode I'll have to face this shit again.
Take this away from me. Please. It's agonising.
Friday, November 05, 2010
Reflections
Early this morning, I learned what it's like to 'live for the moment', and experienced its post-event symptoms. It's not worth it. Honestly.
A full account of this has been drafted but will remain unpublished.
A full account of this has been drafted but will remain unpublished.
Thursday, November 04, 2010
NTU CF!
Okay, Amelia, Victoria and myself are finally joining NTU Christian Fellowship. After like, 2+ months. We are finally going to put our lives back in order. Not that it hasn't been, but it just is more complete to have a CG within school (in addition to UJC* in church :P), it keeps us sane and stops us from drifting from God. At least that's how I feel about this. Definitely helps to have a support group in school. :)
Gonna get back on track again, and I can't wait to restart on this journey!!
*Uncle James' Cell
Gonna get back on track again, and I can't wait to restart on this journey!!
*Uncle James' Cell
Tuesday, November 02, 2010
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Rejuvenated
Thank you. You have no idea how that felt. It'll be an understatement to say that you were my antidote. If only it could be like this every day... which is kinda impossible.
Sighhh I've got to live in the present and stop drawing on past sensations and memories, which will only become more distant with time.
Sighhh I've got to live in the present and stop drawing on past sensations and memories, which will only become more distant with time.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Why do you keep trying so hard when you know you're just not favoured?
Why BOTHER when at the end of the day, the only thing you gain is dejection?
Do you honestly think such efforts are worth your time and resources? Nobody even notices your existence.
Stop trying to be noticed. You just ain't them. You will never be. Give it up and get a life (oh, I'm sorry, you don't have and can't get one).
One more thing. Quit talking to yourself. It's really foolish.
Why BOTHER when at the end of the day, the only thing you gain is dejection?
Do you honestly think such efforts are worth your time and resources? Nobody even notices your existence.
Stop trying to be noticed. You just ain't them. You will never be. Give it up and get a life (oh, I'm sorry, you don't have and can't get one).
One more thing. Quit talking to yourself. It's really foolish.
Wednesday, October 06, 2010
The Passing of Mrs LKY
The nation mourns the passing of a really great woman, Mdm Kwa Geok Choo, wife of Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew. It is a loss to him, to our country.
MM Lee's eulogy here (source: CNA) shows a a summary of their life together. This is the epitome of true love.
Rest in peace, Mrs Lee. You will always remain in our hearts.
MM Lee's eulogy here (source: CNA) shows a a summary of their life together. This is the epitome of true love.
Rest in peace, Mrs Lee. You will always remain in our hearts.
Tuesday, October 05, 2010
Changes
Once you reach a certain stage, you stop being concerned about what others think you are (at least almost), you stop longing to belong somewhere, you stop searching for your supposed self-identity. You engage in activities that have significantly more impact on your future. You look at what happens in the long run, weigh the implications of sacrificing the time spent on things you do today that would shape your tomorrow, with the instant gratification received from other activities that will not last.
You become... more emo, for lack of a better word. More reflective, more thoughtful. Your score soars on the 'worries' scale. You're not sure you even want to have a social life. You are lost, even though the map in your hands clearly states the direction you ought to go. You think, it's not that simple - not everything can be put down in paper and ink. The complexity is unseen, unheard, only experienced by the subject.
You need something more than a map and a compass. You need guidance from above, spiritual and divine help the human mind cannot comprehend. You bow your head, arms raised in surrender. You mentally throw out everything within you, trusting in the unseen with absolute faith that the weight you carry will be taken away from you. You just need to believe. Believe. Believe.
You become... more emo, for lack of a better word. More reflective, more thoughtful. Your score soars on the 'worries' scale. You're not sure you even want to have a social life. You are lost, even though the map in your hands clearly states the direction you ought to go. You think, it's not that simple - not everything can be put down in paper and ink. The complexity is unseen, unheard, only experienced by the subject.
You need something more than a map and a compass. You need guidance from above, spiritual and divine help the human mind cannot comprehend. You bow your head, arms raised in surrender. You mentally throw out everything within you, trusting in the unseen with absolute faith that the weight you carry will be taken away from you. You just need to believe. Believe. Believe.
The Thrill of Running
Running takes your mind off things. Makes you focus on the route ahead, your breathing rate, the stinging by the side of your body, anything but the baggage Life thrusts to you. You leave its contents strewn in a trail as you set off on your journey, however short it may be.
Much to your dismay, you are made to pick up your mess as you return from your pilgrimage, place them back into the awful bag bestowed by Life. It all comes back to you then, slowly but surely.
You can't run away forever. You've got to face it sooner or later. Come back to it. It'll always be waiting for you, there's no escape.
Much to your dismay, you are made to pick up your mess as you return from your pilgrimage, place them back into the awful bag bestowed by Life. It all comes back to you then, slowly but surely.
You can't run away forever. You've got to face it sooner or later. Come back to it. It'll always be waiting for you, there's no escape.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
10th JCRC Rally Hall 12
Each Hall in NTU will go through a period of Junior Common Room Committee (JCRC) campaigning, rallying and polling to elect the next batch of students worthy of 'governing' each hall's social, sports and welfare matters, just to name a few.
I have just attended Hall 12's two days of rallying, and the response from its residents - based on both days' turnout - had my eyebrows raised. I don't know about the rest, but I felt that as a hall resident, it is important to know who are the candidates running for the JCRC, and who are the ones who would eventually make decisions on your behalf whenever hall matters are concerned. It was also my first time experiencing such a political event since, well, I'm under 21 and I can't vote for Singapore's next ruling party. I also felt it necessary to be there for 3 of my seniors who are running for JCRC, even though they had their rally yesterday. As an aesthetics performer, I know how it feels like to know that someone is there watching you and being with you (though physically far away) when you are involved in something important to you. So yeah, even though my OG was busying themselves with recreational sports elsewhere, I felt I had to stay at the rally... at least my conscience feels better :)
Having seen almost all the candidates speak, I must say that there is a lot that I can learn from them. I have almost zero public speaking skills, I cannot speak in front of a crowd under pressure, and my nervousness will just give me away. I don't even know if I even have half their certainty that this Hall is worth giving up all other commitments (like school CCAs) for. Not to mention the politics that are bound to arise within the committee, or the skepticism that hall residents may have towards the JCRC. As someone who is very concerned about how people perceive me to be, I simply don't have the guts to step forward like they do. I don't know if I ever will have too. Ha haa.
That aside... I really need to catch up on my studying. I have countless readings to do, and though it may look like I'm always studying, the fact remains that my courses and electives require me to READ and READ and READ and I do not really have a choice but to look like I am a hardcore mugger :( SIGH!
I have just attended Hall 12's two days of rallying, and the response from its residents - based on both days' turnout - had my eyebrows raised. I don't know about the rest, but I felt that as a hall resident, it is important to know who are the candidates running for the JCRC, and who are the ones who would eventually make decisions on your behalf whenever hall matters are concerned. It was also my first time experiencing such a political event since, well, I'm under 21 and I can't vote for Singapore's next ruling party. I also felt it necessary to be there for 3 of my seniors who are running for JCRC, even though they had their rally yesterday. As an aesthetics performer, I know how it feels like to know that someone is there watching you and being with you (though physically far away) when you are involved in something important to you. So yeah, even though my OG was busying themselves with recreational sports elsewhere, I felt I had to stay at the rally... at least my conscience feels better :)
Having seen almost all the candidates speak, I must say that there is a lot that I can learn from them. I have almost zero public speaking skills, I cannot speak in front of a crowd under pressure, and my nervousness will just give me away. I don't even know if I even have half their certainty that this Hall is worth giving up all other commitments (like school CCAs) for. Not to mention the politics that are bound to arise within the committee, or the skepticism that hall residents may have towards the JCRC. As someone who is very concerned about how people perceive me to be, I simply don't have the guts to step forward like they do. I don't know if I ever will have too. Ha haa.
That aside... I really need to catch up on my studying. I have countless readings to do, and though it may look like I'm always studying, the fact remains that my courses and electives require me to READ and READ and READ and I do not really have a choice but to look like I am a hardcore mugger :( SIGH!
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Jesus Take The Wheel
She was driving last Friday on her way to Cincinnati
On a snow white Christmas Eve
Going home to see her Mama and her Daddy
With the baby in the backseat
Fifty miles to go and she was running low
On faith and gasoline
It'd been a long hard year
She had a lot on her mind and she didn't pay attention
She was going way too fast
Before she knew it she was spinning
On a thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn't even have time to cry
She was so scared
She threw her hands up in the air
Jesus, take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus, take the wheel
It was still getting colder when she made it to the shoulder
And the car came to a stop
She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat
Sleeping like a rock
And for the first time in a long time
She bowed her head to pray
She said I'm sorry for the way
I've been living my life
I know I've got to change
So from now on tonight
Jesus, take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Oh Jesus, take the wheel
Oh, I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
From this road I'm on
Jesus, take the wheel
Oh, take it, take it from me
Oh, why, ooh
On a snow white Christmas Eve
Going home to see her Mama and her Daddy
With the baby in the backseat
Fifty miles to go and she was running low
On faith and gasoline
It'd been a long hard year
She had a lot on her mind and she didn't pay attention
She was going way too fast
Before she knew it she was spinning
On a thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn't even have time to cry
She was so scared
She threw her hands up in the air
Jesus, take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus, take the wheel
It was still getting colder when she made it to the shoulder
And the car came to a stop
She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat
Sleeping like a rock
And for the first time in a long time
She bowed her head to pray
She said I'm sorry for the way
I've been living my life
I know I've got to change
So from now on tonight
Jesus, take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Oh Jesus, take the wheel
Oh, I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
From this road I'm on
Jesus, take the wheel
Oh, take it, take it from me
Oh, why, ooh
Friday, September 17, 2010
Sometimes, it's not that I want to be anti-social and distance myself away from the lot of you. I just cannot find a common topic, cannot identify with your views and way of doing things. It's the little differences that snowball and pull me apart, and there's always this awkwardness that sets in when I'm with you. Well, almost always. More often than not, I find it really difficult to talk to you and be my natural self. I'm making an effort though. But if you want to be exclusive and unaccommodating, there's nothing I can do. Can't you see that I'm already trying? Why can't you do the same? I'm so tired of this.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Hall 3 Friend
Okay, this is really cool. I always knew that Alvin (ex-colleague at e2i, another temp staff) stays at Hall 3, blk 3C but didn't know which block was 3C. Until today. And that he could look into my room from his pantry :O
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Start of University Life
So much has passed since I last posted... God has been showering me with blessing after blessing, helping me to adapt to my new school, new friends, new environment.
I attended NTU's Cultural Activities Club (CAC) Freshmen Orientation Camp (FOC) for 5 days 4 nights, where I had my first clubbing experience, first SP and initiation night, first glipse of how a uni FOC was like. It was then that I got a culture shock too. Suddenly everyone was speaking in Chinese and talking about Chinese singers I didn't know exist. Lol.
I went for the Psychology Society's FOC which lasted 2 days and a night, where I got to know some people from my course. It wasn't really a camp, more like a gathering and for you to mingle with course mates.
I got rejected from HSS FOC as there were too many people and I didn't send in my application early enough. hahaha.
I got rejected for Hall 12 FOC... initially. Until Amelia emailed Boyang and Glenn (the Chair and Vice-Chair) pleading for them to take us in. By God's grace, they did and we were integrated into the large Hall 12 family.. I am still thankful that we managed to go for this camp, for it is kind of like the only way we could really get to know the others from our hall. I have since made friends beyond that of my OG, had numerous activities with Kriffin, went for a Joint Hall Bash with them (aka clubbing) where about half of us went wild.....
These 3 weeks in hall actually went smoother than expected, though I've had some moments where I simply did not want to talk to anyone, especially recently during the hall bash. There were emotions and thoughts that were spilling out of my mind, I didn't know how to organise or express them properly. Lessons have started and already, I'm behind in my readings. I don't know how I'm going to continue with my sociology elective. The readings all make no sense to me, though I thought I could do culture and globalisation perfectly fine. I'm suddenly thankful that I'm majoring in psychology and not sociology.
I'm so sleepy I could drift off right here, right now in my dining room with my elbow resting on my psychology textbook. yawns.
I attended NTU's Cultural Activities Club (CAC) Freshmen Orientation Camp (FOC) for 5 days 4 nights, where I had my first clubbing experience, first SP and initiation night, first glipse of how a uni FOC was like. It was then that I got a culture shock too. Suddenly everyone was speaking in Chinese and talking about Chinese singers I didn't know exist. Lol.
I went for the Psychology Society's FOC which lasted 2 days and a night, where I got to know some people from my course. It wasn't really a camp, more like a gathering and for you to mingle with course mates.
I got rejected from HSS FOC as there were too many people and I didn't send in my application early enough. hahaha.
I got rejected for Hall 12 FOC... initially. Until Amelia emailed Boyang and Glenn (the Chair and Vice-Chair) pleading for them to take us in. By God's grace, they did and we were integrated into the large Hall 12 family.. I am still thankful that we managed to go for this camp, for it is kind of like the only way we could really get to know the others from our hall. I have since made friends beyond that of my OG, had numerous activities with Kriffin, went for a Joint Hall Bash with them (aka clubbing) where about half of us went wild.....
These 3 weeks in hall actually went smoother than expected, though I've had some moments where I simply did not want to talk to anyone, especially recently during the hall bash. There were emotions and thoughts that were spilling out of my mind, I didn't know how to organise or express them properly. Lessons have started and already, I'm behind in my readings. I don't know how I'm going to continue with my sociology elective. The readings all make no sense to me, though I thought I could do culture and globalisation perfectly fine. I'm suddenly thankful that I'm majoring in psychology and not sociology.
I'm so sleepy I could drift off right here, right now in my dining room with my elbow resting on my psychology textbook. yawns.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
NDP-induced Traffic Jams
See link here http://singaporeseen.stomp.com.sg/stomp/sgseen/this_urban_jungle/397980/traffic_jam_at_nicoll_highway_is_actually_ndp_2010_motorcade.html#commentSection
I second the majority of the STOMPers' comments. I believe the committee has made it clear enough that there would be road closures in view of the parade rehearsals. It has been widely broadcasted to make sure the public is aware of this. Still, people choose to be ignorant and end up complaining about this. Oh well. Their loss.
By the way, it's really fun to be part of the NDP. I'm an usher this year :D Get to watch free parade and ceremony (but 6 times over..), get 2 free tickets to NE1/CR4, and better still.... get to see lots of men in uniform!!!! Haha. Yes all these over 5 Saturdays and a Monday.
I second the majority of the STOMPers' comments. I believe the committee has made it clear enough that there would be road closures in view of the parade rehearsals. It has been widely broadcasted to make sure the public is aware of this. Still, people choose to be ignorant and end up complaining about this. Oh well. Their loss.
By the way, it's really fun to be part of the NDP. I'm an usher this year :D Get to watch free parade and ceremony (but 6 times over..), get 2 free tickets to NE1/CR4, and better still.... get to see lots of men in uniform!!!! Haha. Yes all these over 5 Saturdays and a Monday.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
How can I keep from singing
There is an endless song
Echoes in my soul
I hear the music ring
And though the storms may come
I am holding on
To the rock I cling
How can I keep from singing Your praise
How can I ever say enough
How amazing is Your love
How can I keep from shouting Your name
I know I am loved by the King
And it makes my heart want to sing
I will lift my eyes
In the darkest night
For I know my Savior lives
And I will walk with You
Knowing You'll see me through
And sing the songs You give
How can I keep from singing your praise
How can I ever say enough
How amazing is your love
How can I keep from shouting your name
I know i am loved by the king
And it makes my heart want to sing
I can sing in the troubled times
Sing when I win
I can sing when I lose my step
And fall down again
I can sing 'cause You pick me up
Sing 'cause You're there
I can sing 'cause You hear me, Lord
When I call to You in prayer
I can sing with my last breath
Sing for I know
That I'll sing with the angels
And the saints around the throne
Echoes in my soul
I hear the music ring
And though the storms may come
I am holding on
To the rock I cling
How can I keep from singing Your praise
How can I ever say enough
How amazing is Your love
How can I keep from shouting Your name
I know I am loved by the King
And it makes my heart want to sing
I will lift my eyes
In the darkest night
For I know my Savior lives
And I will walk with You
Knowing You'll see me through
And sing the songs You give
How can I keep from singing your praise
How can I ever say enough
How amazing is your love
How can I keep from shouting your name
I know i am loved by the king
And it makes my heart want to sing
I can sing in the troubled times
Sing when I win
I can sing when I lose my step
And fall down again
I can sing 'cause You pick me up
Sing 'cause You're there
I can sing 'cause You hear me, Lord
When I call to You in prayer
I can sing with my last breath
Sing for I know
That I'll sing with the angels
And the saints around the throne
Sunday, June 20, 2010
LSBC Church Camp 2010
Photos in this post are (reproduced without permission) from Yeo Mei's camera. Many thanks, girl. Please don't remove the photos from Facebook or they'll be gone from here too! I didn't save the eeemages, just got the URLs off your album.
This year's church camp was held at The Legend Hotel, KL, with about 750 campers comprising of the elderly, adults, young adults, youth, children and BABIES!! Needless to say, this was another awesome camp with a different set of memories and experiences. The next step is how to maintain this spiritual high that was encountered during the camp.
There were 3 40-seater coaches and 7 or 8 26-seater coaches I think. Those in uncle James' cell and Nelson's cell were in the same coach, together with a couple of other adults and some 17-yr-olds. You could say that our coach was rather lively.
When we arrived at the Malaysia Customs, the group split to join different queues to get our passports stamped. I joined the queue with 4 17yo guys in my coach. And out of the 4, 2 of them couldn't get through because apparently they had been asked to change their passport photos earlier.. which they didn't do. They held up the queue and I had to shout for help (i.e. get the attention of Nelson/Rebecca) to settle this issue. Thank God they eventually got through.. wonder what Nelson said to get them through.
Image 1: Waiting for Nelson to settle the passport photo issue
Journey there was smooth and comfortable :)
Image 2: zzzzzzzzzzzzz
We were greeted like VIPs upon arrival at the hotel. First we were received by the hotel staff who made a path for us to walk through, and welcomed us as we walked through. This was followed by the church elders who stood by a red carpet and welcoming us with noisemakers of all sorts. Party poppers, rattles, you name it. All of us were like, O_O WOW what a reception! Hahaha. But I must say that the hotel staff lived up to their first impression which they left on us. They are really polite. They even say good morning/evening to you when you're walking at the corridor! No pics of the staff though. And there were a few cute waiters. heh heh.
Image 3: This was at the hotel's entrance :)
Singaporeans need to take the trains in KL, experience a train ride for themselves before complaining about our MRT system. Like Emelyn posted on Facebook, I've really come to appreciate our trains a lot more. They're faster, higher in frequency, easier to purchase single-trip tickets, easier to change trains at interchanges, and passengers are considerably more thoughtful. I was disgusted to see how people shoved their way INto the monorail in KL while other passengers were trying to get OUT. And it was SO packed we had to forgo 3 monorails before we finally managed to squeeze ourselves into an emptier train. (no photo sorry) Oh gosh, the horror. That's why we pay higher fares in Singapore too I guess.
Image 8: Cell at Hang Tuah station
Image 9: Another cell at same station
We took the train to Mid Valley on the second day, more than 30 of us. Imagine such a large group walking to the station, purchasing tickets and boarding the train together. It was fun though :)
Images 10 & 11: Our 3osomething-strong group. See background
Image 12: Inside the Ladies' Coach
Image 13: Part of the group
Magnum in Malaysia is really CHEAP (relative to that of Singapore's). One Magnum costs RM3.50 in 7-eleven there, but is I think S$3.90 here. So a lot of us took the chance to indulge in a stick of Magnum ice-cream while we were there after a bak kut teh supper on the first night. (no photos)
Image 14: Mei nu Jacelyn who was coughing badly throughout the whole camp :(
We forgot to take our groceries after making payment for them at Cold Storage, and only went back 2 days later to retrieve them. Win already. hahahha.
We had a girls night on the second night where girls from the two cells (Nelson's and James') gathered to chill over snacks and some...gossip. hehe. Nothing like a good night with the girls!
On the last day, our coach was one of the last to arrive at the hotel.. so there was lots of camwhoring to pass time :)
Image 15: Very bored Bus B passengers
Images 16: Erm.. wow.
Image 17: One of the last photos taken before someone shouts "BUS B!!!!!!", which was followed by cheers from its passengers. Oh, and our coach number was 7878 :)
--
This year's theme revolved around the goodness of God, and breakthroughs in our personal life and in church.
During the discussion within our cell groups, the topic of serving in a ministry was brought up again. And that was when Michelle, the only other cell mate who is not currently serving, revealed that she has decided to join the Hospitality Team. I was still undecided, and that kinda put greater pressure on me to make up my mind and take action soon instead of sitting around and not doing anything.
For 2.5 years, I have been inactive in service to the church (or, serving God in the church) because I chose to join the AC Chinese Orchestra because I really wanted to be part of an orchestra/ensemble, and both practices clashed. I have been ministry-less ever since. Been thinking of what to join but I just could not come to a conclusion.
People who know me well know that I enjoy performing as part of an ensemble or orchestra, producing music in a group. It's something I have been doing since primary school, and something I intend to do for as long as I can. This has been planned out long ago.. I joined ACCO (where I picked up the erhu) so that I can continue to be part of a performing arts group in university. Because they don't have handbells (which I played in sec sch) or angklungs (pri sch). Music is so much a part of me that I don't ever want to give it up.
I don't think I have mentioned this before, but I communicate with God through songs whenever I can. I find that I can better express myself when I do this. Things which cannot be put into songs are put across through the normal mode of communication - prayer. You see, when words fail, music speaks... and that is something most of us musicians cannot deny.
During the Holy Spirit Night on the third night of the camp, people got ministered to, deliverance took place, God moved among us. It was also through this session that God spoke to me and suddenly everything seemed to fall into place. All the elders and their wives prayed for every camper who wanted to receive prayer and a word from God. The matching of camper to elder was entirely random, which makes it even more freaky when a prophecy is made which the receiver can 100% relate too.
Elder Melvin Gan prayed for me, and he started out with tongues, where my mind was just blank. I expected something to happen, but I just didn't know what. Then he said he felt that the word the Lord had for me was 'Music'.
As he said that, something stirred within me, and I couldn't stop crying after that. Why?
I didn't expect God to have been this specific. It could have been any word in the world, but it was Music that God chose to give to me. Like, wow. It was both reassuring as well as a sort of a confirmation at the same time with regards to which area I should serve in. (I spoke to Wendy about this... and she said to follow my heart, and go audition for it when the opportunity arises. That way I can really be sure)
It's like God is telling me not to doubt Him, or doubt what he has blessed me with. This can be really freaky sometimes, when a single word can be so direct and yet mean so many things, answer so many questions I can't seem to find an answer to. That night, God felt so real, I thought I could reach out a hand and touch Him.
The third night was definitely the highlight of the camp for me. It was so overwhelming I can't even explain how I truly felt then. Strangely, it wasn't the guest speaker's sermons that stuck with me. I gained most from SP's message that God is good, gracious and righteous. Never will he let harm come upon is if it does not make us stronger in character and as a person.
God is good all the time, and all the time, God is good :)
This year's church camp was held at The Legend Hotel, KL, with about 750 campers comprising of the elderly, adults, young adults, youth, children and BABIES!! Needless to say, this was another awesome camp with a different set of memories and experiences. The next step is how to maintain this spiritual high that was encountered during the camp.
There were 3 40-seater coaches and 7 or 8 26-seater coaches I think. Those in uncle James' cell and Nelson's cell were in the same coach, together with a couple of other adults and some 17-yr-olds. You could say that our coach was rather lively.
When we arrived at the Malaysia Customs, the group split to join different queues to get our passports stamped. I joined the queue with 4 17yo guys in my coach. And out of the 4, 2 of them couldn't get through because apparently they had been asked to change their passport photos earlier.. which they didn't do. They held up the queue and I had to shout for help (i.e. get the attention of Nelson/Rebecca) to settle this issue. Thank God they eventually got through.. wonder what Nelson said to get them through.
Image 1: Waiting for Nelson to settle the passport photo issueJourney there was smooth and comfortable :)
Image 2: zzzzzzzzzzzzzWe were greeted like VIPs upon arrival at the hotel. First we were received by the hotel staff who made a path for us to walk through, and welcomed us as we walked through. This was followed by the church elders who stood by a red carpet and welcoming us with noisemakers of all sorts. Party poppers, rattles, you name it. All of us were like, O_O WOW what a reception! Hahaha. But I must say that the hotel staff lived up to their first impression which they left on us. They are really polite. They even say good morning/evening to you when you're walking at the corridor! No pics of the staff though. And there were a few cute waiters. heh heh.
Image 3: This was at the hotel's entrance :)The food there was only so-so, not THAT bad but not fantastic either. Uncle James (cell ldr) was displeased with almost every dish. He brought us to Madam Kwan's at the Pavilion, near Berjaya Times Square... and boy, THE FOOD WAS SO GOOD I COULD EAT ENOUGH FOR 2 PEOPLE but of course I paiseh, though he said to order whatever and how much we liked, I just ate like a lady. Madam Kwan's makes the hotel food pale in comparison!! Such is the standard of our cell leader. haha. The lunch was on him, and I wonder how much he actually paid. . . .
Image 4: Digging in
Images 5 & 6: Before and after. Food tastes better than it looks.
Image 7: A happy UJC (Uncle James' Cell) outside the restaurant
Image 4: Digging inImages 5 & 6: Before and after. Food tastes better than it looks.Image 7: A happy UJC (Uncle James' Cell) outside the restaurantSingaporeans need to take the trains in KL, experience a train ride for themselves before complaining about our MRT system. Like Emelyn posted on Facebook, I've really come to appreciate our trains a lot more. They're faster, higher in frequency, easier to purchase single-trip tickets, easier to change trains at interchanges, and passengers are considerably more thoughtful. I was disgusted to see how people shoved their way INto the monorail in KL while other passengers were trying to get OUT. And it was SO packed we had to forgo 3 monorails before we finally managed to squeeze ourselves into an emptier train. (no photo sorry) Oh gosh, the horror. That's why we pay higher fares in Singapore too I guess.
Image 8: Cell at Hang Tuah stationImage 9: Another cell at same stationWe took the train to Mid Valley on the second day, more than 30 of us. Imagine such a large group walking to the station, purchasing tickets and boarding the train together. It was fun though :)
Images 10 & 11: Our 3osomething-strong group. See backgroundImage 12: Inside the Ladies' CoachImage 13: Part of the groupMagnum in Malaysia is really CHEAP (relative to that of Singapore's). One Magnum costs RM3.50 in 7-eleven there, but is I think S$3.90 here. So a lot of us took the chance to indulge in a stick of Magnum ice-cream while we were there after a bak kut teh supper on the first night. (no photos)
My roommate was Jacelyn, again :D
Image 14: Mei nu Jacelyn who was coughing badly throughout the whole camp :(We had a girls night on the second night where girls from the two cells (Nelson's and James') gathered to chill over snacks and some...gossip. hehe. Nothing like a good night with the girls!
On the last day, our coach was one of the last to arrive at the hotel.. so there was lots of camwhoring to pass time :)
Image 15: Very bored Bus B passengersImages 16: Erm.. wow.Image 17: One of the last photos taken before someone shouts "BUS B!!!!!!", which was followed by cheers from its passengers. Oh, and our coach number was 7878 :)This year's theme revolved around the goodness of God, and breakthroughs in our personal life and in church.
During the discussion within our cell groups, the topic of serving in a ministry was brought up again. And that was when Michelle, the only other cell mate who is not currently serving, revealed that she has decided to join the Hospitality Team. I was still undecided, and that kinda put greater pressure on me to make up my mind and take action soon instead of sitting around and not doing anything.
For 2.5 years, I have been inactive in service to the church (or, serving God in the church) because I chose to join the AC Chinese Orchestra because I really wanted to be part of an orchestra/ensemble, and both practices clashed. I have been ministry-less ever since. Been thinking of what to join but I just could not come to a conclusion.
People who know me well know that I enjoy performing as part of an ensemble or orchestra, producing music in a group. It's something I have been doing since primary school, and something I intend to do for as long as I can. This has been planned out long ago.. I joined ACCO (where I picked up the erhu) so that I can continue to be part of a performing arts group in university. Because they don't have handbells (which I played in sec sch) or angklungs (pri sch). Music is so much a part of me that I don't ever want to give it up.
I don't think I have mentioned this before, but I communicate with God through songs whenever I can. I find that I can better express myself when I do this. Things which cannot be put into songs are put across through the normal mode of communication - prayer. You see, when words fail, music speaks... and that is something most of us musicians cannot deny.
During the Holy Spirit Night on the third night of the camp, people got ministered to, deliverance took place, God moved among us. It was also through this session that God spoke to me and suddenly everything seemed to fall into place. All the elders and their wives prayed for every camper who wanted to receive prayer and a word from God. The matching of camper to elder was entirely random, which makes it even more freaky when a prophecy is made which the receiver can 100% relate too.
Elder Melvin Gan prayed for me, and he started out with tongues, where my mind was just blank. I expected something to happen, but I just didn't know what. Then he said he felt that the word the Lord had for me was 'Music'.
As he said that, something stirred within me, and I couldn't stop crying after that. Why?
- Music has always been something very dear to my heart
- I've been doubting whether my gifting does lie in music cos I cant seem to play/sing as well as I could before
- I've stopped serving for 2.5 years now, but am quite hesitant in going back to serving in a ministry, and which to serve in. Deep inside I know I want to go back to the worship team (just unsure of when) but
part of me says I simply am not good enough - Melvin, who prayed for me, has no idea what or how much music actually means to me. Which made God seem even more real.
I didn't expect God to have been this specific. It could have been any word in the world, but it was Music that God chose to give to me. Like, wow. It was both reassuring as well as a sort of a confirmation at the same time with regards to which area I should serve in. (I spoke to Wendy about this... and she said to follow my heart, and go audition for it when the opportunity arises. That way I can really be sure)
It's like God is telling me not to doubt Him, or doubt what he has blessed me with. This can be really freaky sometimes, when a single word can be so direct and yet mean so many things, answer so many questions I can't seem to find an answer to. That night, God felt so real, I thought I could reach out a hand and touch Him.
The third night was definitely the highlight of the camp for me. It was so overwhelming I can't even explain how I truly felt then. Strangely, it wasn't the guest speaker's sermons that stuck with me. I gained most from SP's message that God is good, gracious and righteous. Never will he let harm come upon is if it does not make us stronger in character and as a person.
God is good all the time, and all the time, God is good :)
Friday, June 11, 2010
MYOB - When do we draw the line?
People say, it's best not to poke your noses into others' business. Read: Mind your own business, or MYOB. In Singapore terms, it simply means not to be a kaypoh because others may not like it.
It is only natural for human beings to want to know more about what is going on around them, especially when it involves the people they know or care about. Take the school or workplace, for example. It may be a piece of juicy news (scandal, perhaps) or even a bit of information on a devastating event in someone's life. News spread fast, as observation of others' speech and actions eventually lead observers to make their own analysis and inferences, assuming that the subject did not give them a full account of their behaviour and actions. Humans just need to know about what is going on, even if it doesn't concern them at all.
And why does it (people's own inferences) spread? Well... the stimulation of discussion between and among individuals help to bond them together, maybe? There's also the need to hear what others' opinions may be, and to contribute their own to the story.
Of course, humans' need to know is subjective. People may be purely ignorant on current affairs of the country or world, and not bother to find out, out of sheer laziness (or bochup-ness). One explanation for this may be that such events are always happening, always changing, and it does not affect people's life directly. i.e. they are taking place far from home, where people cannot imagine themselves in those situations, or they simply cannot be bothered.
News is always jucier if you have to or happen to find out about them and draw your own conclusions. As mentioned above, this is usually discussed with other beings. When do we draw the line, though? When does such knowledge become gossip, and eventually, betrayal of friendship? Something may be entrusted to someone but that someone just HAS to share it, to hear another person's opinion with regards to that matter. Is there such a thing as knowing to much?
SHeesh, I wanna do up an essay with lots and lots of rhetorical questions (the exact thing my GP teacher said to avoid) but I'm just typing whatever comes to my mind, which is not the least bit coherent! AND my laptop battery is running low, it's gonna blow soon.
It is only natural for human beings to want to know more about what is going on around them, especially when it involves the people they know or care about. Take the school or workplace, for example. It may be a piece of juicy news (scandal, perhaps) or even a bit of information on a devastating event in someone's life. News spread fast, as observation of others' speech and actions eventually lead observers to make their own analysis and inferences, assuming that the subject did not give them a full account of their behaviour and actions. Humans just need to know about what is going on, even if it doesn't concern them at all.
And why does it (people's own inferences) spread? Well... the stimulation of discussion between and among individuals help to bond them together, maybe? There's also the need to hear what others' opinions may be, and to contribute their own to the story.
Of course, humans' need to know is subjective. People may be purely ignorant on current affairs of the country or world, and not bother to find out, out of sheer laziness (or bochup-ness). One explanation for this may be that such events are always happening, always changing, and it does not affect people's life directly. i.e. they are taking place far from home, where people cannot imagine themselves in those situations, or they simply cannot be bothered.
News is always jucier if you have to or happen to find out about them and draw your own conclusions. As mentioned above, this is usually discussed with other beings. When do we draw the line, though? When does such knowledge become gossip, and eventually, betrayal of friendship? Something may be entrusted to someone but that someone just HAS to share it, to hear another person's opinion with regards to that matter. Is there such a thing as knowing to much?
SHeesh, I wanna do up an essay with lots and lots of rhetorical questions (the exact thing my GP teacher said to avoid) but I'm just typing whatever comes to my mind, which is not the least bit coherent! AND my laptop battery is running low, it's gonna blow soon.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Very unfortunately
It happens all the time.. It has happened way too many times...
I wish this would numb it or make me immune to it, but no, it's always the same piercing knowledge that a particular situation would never take place. It's always the same scenario, and yet I fall prey to it.
Why can't I learn my lesson??? Don't place too much hope, because when the disappointment comes, I will not be able to bear it. And this is happening all over again.
I have a weak heart. The disappointment that accompanies the hopes raised in vain does nothing to sooth the ache. Now I truly understand why people say "my heart is bleeding". I can't find another way to describe it.
I also know why people say, ignorance is bliss.
But is it better to be blinded and to go on hoping in vain, or to know about something and face it's implications? I really don't know which is better. I guess this also depends on the context of the situation. In my case, I would choose....neither. Just MOVE ON, MAN! Urgh.
Again, this is just one of the moments. Which will pass. I pray that it will pass quickly, and leave me in peace.
I wish this would numb it or make me immune to it, but no, it's always the same piercing knowledge that a particular situation would never take place. It's always the same scenario, and yet I fall prey to it.
Why can't I learn my lesson??? Don't place too much hope, because when the disappointment comes, I will not be able to bear it. And this is happening all over again.
I have a weak heart. The disappointment that accompanies the hopes raised in vain does nothing to sooth the ache. Now I truly understand why people say "my heart is bleeding". I can't find another way to describe it.
I also know why people say, ignorance is bliss.
But is it better to be blinded and to go on hoping in vain, or to know about something and face it's implications? I really don't know which is better. I guess this also depends on the context of the situation. In my case, I would choose....neither. Just MOVE ON, MAN! Urgh.
Again, this is just one of the moments. Which will pass. I pray that it will pass quickly, and leave me in peace.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
One step closer to NTU...
Goodbye, FASS!! Even though I felt a sudden urge to do Social Work on Saturday...
Monday, May 24, 2010
Prayer is really powerful.
I dreaded work so much this morning (because of some mistakes I made + inefficiency in my response to instructions that resulted in a not very happy boss as expressed in an email), I had no idea how I was going to pull through the day, let alone the week and the weeks to come (6 more). But then I prayed hard, and left it to God to set things right for me, just doing my best and with a little more focus in my work today. And all ended well, with me feeling really high after ASK workshop and so I rewarded myself with a cup of KOI bubble tea at Chinatown with Felicia :D Not to mention, my boss even bought my partner and I a cup of soya bean drink (which I spilled, by the way.. CLUMSY) and beancurd this morning.
Those mistakes and slightly harsh words did make a strong impact on me I guess. Now I put in triple the effort to avoid them. More tiring, but higher satisfaction level.
I am always and will always be awed by how God can help me make a 180deg turn within such a short time. In this case, it would be my mood today... which, strangely, spurs me on to perform better the next day, and the next, and the next. .........
In the end, just to hear You say, "Well done".
I dreaded work so much this morning (because of some mistakes I made + inefficiency in my response to instructions that resulted in a not very happy boss as expressed in an email), I had no idea how I was going to pull through the day, let alone the week and the weeks to come (6 more). But then I prayed hard, and left it to God to set things right for me, just doing my best and with a little more focus in my work today. And all ended well, with me feeling really high after ASK workshop and so I rewarded myself with a cup of KOI bubble tea at Chinatown with Felicia :D Not to mention, my boss even bought my partner and I a cup of soya bean drink (which I spilled, by the way.. CLUMSY) and beancurd this morning.
Those mistakes and slightly harsh words did make a strong impact on me I guess. Now I put in triple the effort to avoid them. More tiring, but higher satisfaction level.
I am always and will always be awed by how God can help me make a 180deg turn within such a short time. In this case, it would be my mood today... which, strangely, spurs me on to perform better the next day, and the next, and the next. .........
In the end, just to hear You say, "Well done".
Monday, May 10, 2010
Glad to be appreciated :) Nothing can be more satisfying than hearing 'Thank You' after you've done your best.
-----
Today's my first day with my new team.
My Events heads told me the wrong thing -.- I'll be under another head, not the supposedly scarier one. hahaha. I'm more or less okay with my new team. So far. Still adapting.
Still digesting the fact that I won't be at events ever again.
-----
Today's my first day with my new team.
My Events heads told me the wrong thing -.- I'll be under another head, not the supposedly scarier one. hahaha. I'm more or less okay with my new team. So far. Still adapting.
Still digesting the fact that I won't be at events ever again.
Thursday, May 06, 2010
Change of Setting
Tomorrow will be my last time running events with my Events Team.
Come Monday, I will be working under a different department, one which I have been perceiving as.....hell. Under the worst boss any temp could have in the company, or so I've gathered. I may be wrong.
When 2 of the heads in my team broke the news to me today, I was just too stunned for words. After that, I couldn't speak without stammering, couldn't see with tears blurring my vision.
(I think I broke down like 4-5 times this afternoon, it was that bad)
Now I think that maybe God arranged this for some divine reason unknown to me. Why else would He make them transfer me over? So that I can voice out for the rest? Opportunities for growth? Make me more confident over the many phone calls to come? I don't know. All I know is that I'm leaving my team of very sweet and welfarish (no such word, I know) and fun-loving people.
:(
Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart; as working for the Lord, not for men.
Colossians 3:23
Come Monday, I will be working under a different department, one which I have been perceiving as.....hell. Under the worst boss any temp could have in the company, or so I've gathered. I may be wrong.
When 2 of the heads in my team broke the news to me today, I was just too stunned for words. After that, I couldn't speak without stammering, couldn't see with tears blurring my vision.
(I think I broke down like 4-5 times this afternoon, it was that bad)
Now I think that maybe God arranged this for some divine reason unknown to me. Why else would He make them transfer me over? So that I can voice out for the rest? Opportunities for growth? Make me more confident over the many phone calls to come? I don't know. All I know is that I'm leaving my team of very sweet and welfarish (no such word, I know) and fun-loving people.
:(
Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart; as working for the Lord, not for men.
Colossians 3:23
Thursday, April 29, 2010
THANK GOD!!
THANK YOU JESUS!!!!
Okay firstly, I would like to thank God for giving me a place in uni. I just got my letter from NTU (psychology).
Secondly, I would like to apologise to my friends and colleagues for all the nonsense and -uhm- negative energy I've been emitting, if there's such a thing.
Omg omg omg can't be happier now :D
Okay firstly, I would like to thank God for giving me a place in uni. I just got my letter from NTU (psychology).
Secondly, I would like to apologise to my friends and colleagues for all the nonsense and -uhm- negative energy I've been emitting, if there's such a thing.
Omg omg omg can't be happier now :D
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Repost: Complete by Parachute Band
Here I am, oh God
I bring this sacrifice
My open heart
I offer up my life
I look to You, Lord
Your love that never ends
Restores me again
So i lift my eyes to you, Lord
In Your strength will I break through, Lord
Touch me now, let your love fall down on me
I know Your love dispels all my fears
Through the storm I will hold on, Lord
And I pray I will hold on, Lord
Then I'll see beyond my Calvary one day
And I will be complete in you
Complete - Parachute Band
--
This song speaks so, so much. Many times I feel that singing/listening to worship songs can better express how I feel than having my thoughts penned down in words. There's always a song that can fit and represent what I want to tell God. This time, it's about surrendering my fears of not getting a letter from the local universities. It haunts me sometimes.
Just another thought...
In the bible, it says that Jesus will come again when we least expect it (something along that line). I don't think the second coming will be during the next hundred years or so because, well, everyone's just so aware and hyped up about it. So this is when everyone's gearing up for it, right? This just supports my opinion, that the world will come to an end anytime soon, even though the increased frequencies of tectonic activities are scaring the hell (pardon me) out of everyone.
Also, even if the end times thingy were to happen in the next millennium, we should still live like it's coming tomorrow, and continue to evangelise. Why? Because people die every day, every hour, every minute. Somewhere in the world right now, someone is dying. And what are the chances of that someone not knowing who Jesus is, or knowing of but had refused to accept Him as God? I'd say it's pretty high... So as long as there is someone out there who has yet to give his/her life to Jesus, we should preach like it's judgement day tomorrow. After all, it is a commandment, in the Great Commission. End times or not, it's not a choice we can make. It's a requirement.
I bring this sacrifice
My open heart
I offer up my life
I look to You, Lord
Your love that never ends
Restores me again
So i lift my eyes to you, Lord
In Your strength will I break through, Lord
Touch me now, let your love fall down on me
I know Your love dispels all my fears
Through the storm I will hold on, Lord
And I pray I will hold on, Lord
Then I'll see beyond my Calvary one day
And I will be complete in you
Complete - Parachute Band
--
This song speaks so, so much. Many times I feel that singing/listening to worship songs can better express how I feel than having my thoughts penned down in words. There's always a song that can fit and represent what I want to tell God. This time, it's about surrendering my fears of not getting a letter from the local universities. It haunts me sometimes.
Just another thought...
In the bible, it says that Jesus will come again when we least expect it (something along that line). I don't think the second coming will be during the next hundred years or so because, well, everyone's just so aware and hyped up about it. So this is when everyone's gearing up for it, right? This just supports my opinion, that the world will come to an end anytime soon, even though the increased frequencies of tectonic activities are scaring the hell (pardon me) out of everyone.
Also, even if the end times thingy were to happen in the next millennium, we should still live like it's coming tomorrow, and continue to evangelise. Why? Because people die every day, every hour, every minute. Somewhere in the world right now, someone is dying. And what are the chances of that someone not knowing who Jesus is, or knowing of but had refused to accept Him as God? I'd say it's pretty high... So as long as there is someone out there who has yet to give his/her life to Jesus, we should preach like it's judgement day tomorrow. After all, it is a commandment, in the Great Commission. End times or not, it's not a choice we can make. It's a requirement.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
I'm starting to get worried...
I have not received any letter of acceptance from the local universities.
When I mentioned SIM to my mum, she reacted by scolding me for not applying for SMU. But the thing is, given my character/personality, SMU is really NOT me. I am not vocal. I will not pass the assessments, let alone the interview. That's for sure.
Maybe I should just work till next year and save up for education at a private university. I don't know.
I have not received any letter of acceptance from the local universities.
When I mentioned SIM to my mum, she reacted by scolding me for not applying for SMU. But the thing is, given my character/personality, SMU is really NOT me. I am not vocal. I will not pass the assessments, let alone the interview. That's for sure.
Maybe I should just work till next year and save up for education at a private university. I don't know.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Hair
Wondering what I should do about my hair...
I just cut my fringe today for $3 :) It was getting too long.
Colour it? Soft rebond it? Perm it? Highlight it? My hair now is kinda dull.
I need a hair consultant! Haha.
Also need to do some research on the causes of menstrual cramps, and why some women get them while others don't. Better still, just ask any aspiring gynecology friend to explain these to me. As of now, I don't know of any of such friends. I could ask Jin Lin (who will be studying medicine in Australia) to read up on these for me though.
Oh, the benefits of having doctor-to-be friends when you're lazy to do your own reading.
Rev Raymond Sim's sermon was very clear and straightforward today :) For once, my mind did not drift elsewhere but remained focused on the Word. Oh my. I really need to stop letting my mind wander during sermons (and cell discussions too, sometimes). *guilty*
I just cut my fringe today for $3 :) It was getting too long.
Colour it? Soft rebond it? Perm it? Highlight it? My hair now is kinda dull.
I need a hair consultant! Haha.
Also need to do some research on the causes of menstrual cramps, and why some women get them while others don't. Better still, just ask any aspiring gynecology friend to explain these to me. As of now, I don't know of any of such friends. I could ask Jin Lin (who will be studying medicine in Australia) to read up on these for me though.
Oh, the benefits of having doctor-to-be friends when you're lazy to do your own reading.
Rev Raymond Sim's sermon was very clear and straightforward today :) For once, my mind did not drift elsewhere but remained focused on the Word. Oh my. I really need to stop letting my mind wander during sermons (and cell discussions too, sometimes). *guilty*
Friday, April 09, 2010
Deeply Troubled
Tell me, which idiot sheds tears when a colleague's contract ends?
I wanted to avoid all possible eye contact and conversation today, thinking that it would be easier for me to bear with it. It seems that I was oh-so-terribly wrong.
My desk is so messy right now and yet I don't have the slightest urge to tidy it up. I'm just not in the right state to face anyone right now :(
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh
I wanted to avoid all possible eye contact and conversation today, thinking that it would be easier for me to bear with it. It seems that I was oh-so-terribly wrong.
My desk is so messy right now and yet I don't have the slightest urge to tidy it up. I'm just not in the right state to face anyone right now :(
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh
Troubled
When you know that all your efforts would be futile, and you have to go through all that frustration and disappointment which will just build up to nothing, do you still continue to give yourself the green light?
Would you regret even initiating it or console yourself by thinking that at least you tried and gave your best shot (but just couldn't change the outcome)? Even when the probability of it turning around is almost zero?
What would you have done if you were placed in a situation as such? Would it be wiser to have applied the cost-benefit analysis as with economic decisions?
Why am I even doing this?
But God sees the heart so His opinion should be the only one that REALLY counts right? Or am I simply using this approach to console myself again?
Edited 2:40AM, 10 April
All turned out well in the end, thank God :)
That aside, on a completely different note.........
I think I only realise how much someone means to me until that someone leaves.
Time stops for no man. The time has come and I'm not even prepared for that particular farewell ): What does this mean for me? Well the full impact of it is being felt now, tonight, like boomz. (no joke ok) It's kind of depressing. I'm so tempted to express this directly, physically, but urgh I can't. (don't know what i'm saying? no worries. no sex can already)
My friend, you will be dearly missed. What am I to do without you?
(no one died by the way)
(this wasn't supposed to sound like a joke)
Would you regret even initiating it or console yourself by thinking that at least you tried and gave your best shot (but just couldn't change the outcome)? Even when the probability of it turning around is almost zero?
What would you have done if you were placed in a situation as such? Would it be wiser to have applied the cost-benefit analysis as with economic decisions?
Why am I even doing this?
But God sees the heart so His opinion should be the only one that REALLY counts right? Or am I simply using this approach to console myself again?
Edited 2:40AM, 10 April
All turned out well in the end, thank God :)
That aside, on a completely different note.........
I think I only realise how much someone means to me until that someone leaves.
Time stops for no man. The time has come and I'm not even prepared for that particular farewell ): What does this mean for me? Well the full impact of it is being felt now, tonight, like boomz. (no joke ok) It's kind of depressing. I'm so tempted to express this directly, physically, but urgh I can't. (don't know what i'm saying? no worries. no sex can already)
My friend, you will be dearly missed. What am I to do without you?
(no one died by the way)
(this wasn't supposed to sound like a joke)
Saturday, April 03, 2010
Troytees Collection 32
Blog/Online shopping.
It's addictive, no joke about this! Friends who know me well will know that. hehe.
One must make careful decisions regarding which blogshop to buy from, what items to get (etc.) though. Like for me after buying from ohvola twice I realised I really didn't want to buy anymore stuff from there because of the material, and I think it's overpriced. It's just my opinion. The second top I bought from there was defected, in the sense that the proportions were wrong and the buttons were off-centre when worn.
Sweetz Eighteen is a no-no too. QC fail. Waste my money.
Bought the most items from Hollyhoque :) They have really pretty stuff and their clothes are of good quality! Mainly because, I would think, that their items are self-manufactured. They have their own label. Very satisfied with all my tops and dresses I've bought so far, and I'm still awaiting the arrival of my Lace Insert Satin Dress in Blue and my Swiss Cottage Sweetheart Dress (Violet) backorders! Hollyhoque is by far my favourite place to online shop :)
Bonitochico is good too, in terms of quality of materials used and pricing. I would say it's worth the money. BC receives a thumbs up from me for the same reason I gave a thumbs up to Hollyhoque! Horray for blogshops with their own labels! However, due to it's popularity with local ladies and its need to limit the number of pieces for each design to ensure exclusivity, some clothes may become sold out within minutes into the launch. You really have to be fast and make up your mind within a minute of the launch to secure your piece.
Actually, I wanted to post pictures of some pieces I'm eyeing from Troytees, but then I just ended up ranting about the other blogshops -.- Ok so here goes.
Modest Ribbon Capsleeve Dress - $27
I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE
Elegant Sheen Dress - $27
Sweet Delicate Knit Hoodie - $27
I wanttttttttttttt!
But I wont buy because I need more tops than dresses actually. Due to the nature of my work. I only wear dresses when there are no events to run for the day. I wear my corporate tee for the entire day if I'm down for events both in the morning and afternoon. And I wear some other top if I have an event either in the morning or afternoon, so that I can change in/out of my corporate t-shirt.
Okay I will buy one item from above if any of them are still available by the time I get my salary next week! (highly doubt there'll still be stocks by then though)
As of now, my policy when buying stuff online is that the items MUST be self-manufactured by the shop and NOT sourced from overseas (like a particular country that's flooded with red people now) because of the drastic difference in material. There may be exceptions though... but I've not decided on how they should be made yet. Oh and I'm not sure if Troytees designs their own clothes or gets them from somewhere else. But I'll never know how good they are until I try buying from them right :-)
It's addictive, no joke about this! Friends who know me well will know that. hehe.
One must make careful decisions regarding which blogshop to buy from, what items to get (etc.) though. Like for me after buying from ohvola twice I realised I really didn't want to buy anymore stuff from there because of the material, and I think it's overpriced. It's just my opinion. The second top I bought from there was defected, in the sense that the proportions were wrong and the buttons were off-centre when worn.
Sweetz Eighteen is a no-no too. QC fail. Waste my money.
Bought the most items from Hollyhoque :) They have really pretty stuff and their clothes are of good quality! Mainly because, I would think, that their items are self-manufactured. They have their own label. Very satisfied with all my tops and dresses I've bought so far, and I'm still awaiting the arrival of my Lace Insert Satin Dress in Blue and my Swiss Cottage Sweetheart Dress (Violet) backorders! Hollyhoque is by far my favourite place to online shop :)
Bonitochico is good too, in terms of quality of materials used and pricing. I would say it's worth the money. BC receives a thumbs up from me for the same reason I gave a thumbs up to Hollyhoque! Horray for blogshops with their own labels! However, due to it's popularity with local ladies and its need to limit the number of pieces for each design to ensure exclusivity, some clothes may become sold out within minutes into the launch. You really have to be fast and make up your mind within a minute of the launch to secure your piece.
Actually, I wanted to post pictures of some pieces I'm eyeing from Troytees, but then I just ended up ranting about the other blogshops -.- Ok so here goes.
Modest Ribbon Capsleeve Dress - $27
I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE
Elegant Sheen Dress - $27
Sweet Delicate Knit Hoodie - $27
I wanttttttttttttt!
But I wont buy because I need more tops than dresses actually. Due to the nature of my work. I only wear dresses when there are no events to run for the day. I wear my corporate tee for the entire day if I'm down for events both in the morning and afternoon. And I wear some other top if I have an event either in the morning or afternoon, so that I can change in/out of my corporate t-shirt.
Okay I will buy one item from above if any of them are still available by the time I get my salary next week! (highly doubt there'll still be stocks by then though)
As of now, my policy when buying stuff online is that the items MUST be self-manufactured by the shop and NOT sourced from overseas (like a particular country that's flooded with red people now) because of the drastic difference in material. There may be exceptions though... but I've not decided on how they should be made yet. Oh and I'm not sure if Troytees designs their own clothes or gets them from somewhere else. But I'll never know how good they are until I try buying from them right :-)
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Fun-O-Rama XX
Went back to AC yesterday for Fun-O-Rama!! And armed with $50 worth of coupons -_-
Before that, Victoria, Pei Yan, Amelia and myself had dim sum lunch at Chinatown :D Which I'd say was pretty worth the money since the food was good and our tummies were really stretched after the meal...
There were A LOT of JC students at Buona Vista MRT for who-knows-what reason. I don't think they were all going/had gone for Fun-O-Rama, though. But there was a LONG trail of people walking towards the school, along the stretch of (currently in construction) condos. Or at least it seemed like the whole world was heading to ACJC. hahaha.
Once there, we met up with Jenisse Sheena and Tong. But then split up again cos' PY and I happened to see Jin Lin there, who ended up tagging along with us for the rest of the afternoon. We didn't play any games (PY & I refused to). Spent all our coupons on AC merchandise and food! Sat at LT3 - SCONE's cafe for the day - for a long time too, watching the performances :) But mainly to catch PY's classmates Chee and Lester's item.
What I bought:
1. 2 cups of Swensen's ice-cream (choc and strawberry, omg right)
2. Wanton
3. some mixed fruit drink
4. AC UMBRELLA!!! (really needed a new umbrella! after mine got overturned...)
5. cool mouse which lights up
6. 3 loaves of Gardenia bread for $2 (Jin Lin kept laughing at me and he told Brian abt this who joined in to laugh at me too. Why cannot buy cheap bread?!!)
7. (donated $5)
Hahah okay didn't really buy a lot of food cos' of the full dim sum lunch. It was, well, just like any other carnival. Hot, noisy, crowded, squeeze like mad at the void deck and outside the hall and near the walkway to the canteen. And lots of familiar faces of course :) Ms Too (CCA teacher) said the staff room is open for open house every 2 years HAHA. Cos' of all the Old Boys and Girls walking in and out with/looking for their teachers. I didn't manage to talk to Mdm Tham (my bio teacher who gave weekly consultations) cos' she was being swarmed with ex-students.
I'm a happy girl cos' I got a new umbrella and mouse and said hi to numerous friends today and (together with PY) managed to drag Jin Lin into playing for Encore this year!
Before that, Victoria, Pei Yan, Amelia and myself had dim sum lunch at Chinatown :D Which I'd say was pretty worth the money since the food was good and our tummies were really stretched after the meal...
There were A LOT of JC students at Buona Vista MRT for who-knows-what reason. I don't think they were all going/had gone for Fun-O-Rama, though. But there was a LONG trail of people walking towards the school, along the stretch of (currently in construction) condos. Or at least it seemed like the whole world was heading to ACJC. hahaha.
Once there, we met up with Jenisse Sheena and Tong. But then split up again cos' PY and I happened to see Jin Lin there, who ended up tagging along with us for the rest of the afternoon. We didn't play any games (PY & I refused to). Spent all our coupons on AC merchandise and food! Sat at LT3 - SCONE's cafe for the day - for a long time too, watching the performances :) But mainly to catch PY's classmates Chee and Lester's item.
What I bought:
1. 2 cups of Swensen's ice-cream (choc and strawberry, omg right)
2. Wanton
3. some mixed fruit drink
4. AC UMBRELLA!!! (really needed a new umbrella! after mine got overturned...)
5. cool mouse which lights up
6. 3 loaves of Gardenia bread for $2 (Jin Lin kept laughing at me and he told Brian abt this who joined in to laugh at me too. Why cannot buy cheap bread?!!)
7. (donated $5)
Hahah okay didn't really buy a lot of food cos' of the full dim sum lunch. It was, well, just like any other carnival. Hot, noisy, crowded, squeeze like mad at the void deck and outside the hall and near the walkway to the canteen. And lots of familiar faces of course :) Ms Too (CCA teacher) said the staff room is open for open house every 2 years HAHA. Cos' of all the Old Boys and Girls walking in and out with/looking for their teachers. I didn't manage to talk to Mdm Tham (my bio teacher who gave weekly consultations) cos' she was being swarmed with ex-students.
I'm a happy girl cos' I got a new umbrella and mouse and said hi to numerous friends today and (together with PY) managed to drag Jin Lin into playing for Encore this year!
Friday, March 12, 2010
Tuesday, March 09, 2010
Saturday, March 06, 2010
A level results - the aftermath
Dear Lord,
Please show me the way.
--
I'm thankful for my colleagues - mainly the perm staff - who were there to offer their support just before I left the office yesterday, and after the collection of the slip.
I'm really thankful for my current cell group; they're all very nice and encouraging about the results. I felt so crushed I thought I'd need deliverance or something. I'd still be mega depressed now if not for their prayers and encouragements and advice from their own life stories. It does help that they've been through this and can offer their own experiences and learning points to help the fresh A levelers and would-be undergraduates. Of course I"m thankful for my ex-leaders who, I believe, were praying for us too.
...
--
It just makes me wonder...
In times like this, do students turn to religion to deceive themselves in the hope of thinking that everything would be fine (somewhat like running away from reality) or because they truly believe in what their god can or would do for them? In short, is it faith that pulls them through...or are they merely psychoing themselves?
Some pray harder, make more offerings, do more good deeds, etc. I think doing these will ease their minds, make them feel better about themselves.
I can't really think coherently now, and am thus unable to generate a decent blog post/essay.
I'm not ruling out psychology as a major, though. Yay, arts/humanities/social sciences.
This feels like a test of my faith.
When I don't get my desired results, will I still continue to trust God wholeheartedly, and seek His counsel, follow the path He has laid out for me? (default answer: yes)
As of now, I can't see the future at all. It's a blur and I don't see no path. Yet.
Please be more understanding if I do not reply tags/messages/answer calls, as stated on my current MSN PM. :)
---
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord blessed be Your name
Please show me the way.
--
I'm thankful for my colleagues - mainly the perm staff - who were there to offer their support just before I left the office yesterday, and after the collection of the slip.
I'm really thankful for my current cell group; they're all very nice and encouraging about the results. I felt so crushed I thought I'd need deliverance or something. I'd still be mega depressed now if not for their prayers and encouragements and advice from their own life stories. It does help that they've been through this and can offer their own experiences and learning points to help the fresh A levelers and would-be undergraduates. Of course I"m thankful for my ex-leaders who, I believe, were praying for us too.
...
--
It just makes me wonder...
In times like this, do students turn to religion to deceive themselves in the hope of thinking that everything would be fine (somewhat like running away from reality) or because they truly believe in what their god can or would do for them? In short, is it faith that pulls them through...or are they merely psychoing themselves?
Some pray harder, make more offerings, do more good deeds, etc. I think doing these will ease their minds, make them feel better about themselves.
I can't really think coherently now, and am thus unable to generate a decent blog post/essay.
I'm not ruling out psychology as a major, though. Yay, arts/humanities/social sciences.
This feels like a test of my faith.
When I don't get my desired results, will I still continue to trust God wholeheartedly, and seek His counsel, follow the path He has laid out for me? (default answer: yes)
As of now, I can't see the future at all. It's a blur and I don't see no path. Yet.
Please be more understanding if I do not reply tags/messages/answer calls, as stated on my current MSN PM. :)
---
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord blessed be Your name
Thursday, March 04, 2010
Doomz day soon
I've said this before, but can never emphasise this enough.
Time flies.
My heart is racing, my forehead is wrinkled. I can't stop frowning. I want time to stop so that I will never have to receive my A level results.
*rolls eyes*. How childish, to think that way.
But sometimes that's what I really just want to do. Yeah, I know, life goes on, but, !@#$%^&*( oh man I just wanna sleep and never wake up. Dream dream dream and never stop dreaming. Don't wake up so that I can keep swimming in my little perfect world.
I'm not making any sense. I need to sleep.
The battle has been won, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.
Whatever I see before me tomorrow will be the product of my (non-existing) hard work in 2008-2009.
Time flies.
My heart is racing, my forehead is wrinkled. I can't stop frowning. I want time to stop so that I will never have to receive my A level results.
*rolls eyes*. How childish, to think that way.
But sometimes that's what I really just want to do. Yeah, I know, life goes on, but, !@#$%^&*( oh man I just wanna sleep and never wake up. Dream dream dream and never stop dreaming. Don't wake up so that I can keep swimming in my little perfect world.
I'm not making any sense. I need to sleep.
The battle has been won, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.
Whatever I see before me tomorrow will be the product of my (non-existing) hard work in 2008-2009.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
I want to blog, but I don't know WHAT to blog about.
This year's CNY was like any other year, nothing special ...
I like working at e2i. :) I like working under Events, to be more specific. Cos' I get to do OT (read: more money) and I'm not desk-bound unless I have nothing to do (like now, which is why I'm blogging). There's a retreat tomorrow and we temps are going for it too. The Events Team is really nice, they absorbed a large portion of the cost so that we don't have to pay so much. (cos well, we earn a lot lesser than they do).
The guys (temps) are leaving next Friday. All 4 of them. Why do their contracts end on the same day?? ): ): It's nice to have some males around sometimes. I'm being frank here.
Working at e2i has made me more determined to brush up on my Mandarin. Haha is that good or what.
My bed is calling out to me. Roar.
This year's CNY was like any other year, nothing special ...
I like working at e2i. :) I like working under Events, to be more specific. Cos' I get to do OT (read: more money) and I'm not desk-bound unless I have nothing to do (like now, which is why I'm blogging). There's a retreat tomorrow and we temps are going for it too. The Events Team is really nice, they absorbed a large portion of the cost so that we don't have to pay so much. (cos well, we earn a lot lesser than they do).
The guys (temps) are leaving next Friday. All 4 of them. Why do their contracts end on the same day?? ): ): It's nice to have some males around sometimes. I'm being frank here.
Working at e2i has made me more determined to brush up on my Mandarin. Haha is that good or what.
My bed is calling out to me. Roar.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Dear Aunty Daphne
Dear Auntie Daphne,
You're free from all pain now. Your body looks so peaceful, you look just like Snow White waiting for her prince to come. But I know that your Prince (of peace) has already come for you, and never again will you worry, never again will your forehead be creased to show signs of distress. I wonder how it feels like to be in heaven...? Where all is peaceful and joyful?
I wish I could tell you how sorry I am for not visiting you when your soul was still around. I wish I could tell you how much I regret not being there to hold your hand and tell you that I love you. It's too late now, you won't see this. I thought there would be time, that when God brought you out of ICU He'd let you live with Uncle Chee Keong for decades to come.Who knew what plans He'd have? I didn't even get to say goodbye!
Aunty Daphne, you're a strong woman. You didn't blame God or letting the cancer get to you. You were ever grateful to God for giving you the extra time to be here with the ones you love after you left the care of nurses at Mt. Alvernia hospital. And of course for uncle CK who always stayed by your side. We all love you very much, you know? This separation's gonna take awhile to sink in, but we all know you won't want to see us like this. My sis is like an empty shell too, getting restless and everything...
I'm not gonna cry, I'm not. I know God has better plans for you up there... It was out of mercy that He stopped you from suffering, I know that too. And because of these, I know there should be no reason to cry...
You're free from all pain now. Your body looks so peaceful, you look just like Snow White waiting for her prince to come. But I know that your Prince (of peace) has already come for you, and never again will you worry, never again will your forehead be creased to show signs of distress. I wonder how it feels like to be in heaven...? Where all is peaceful and joyful?
I wish I could tell you how sorry I am for not visiting you when your soul was still around. I wish I could tell you how much I regret not being there to hold your hand and tell you that I love you. It's too late now, you won't see this. I thought there would be time, that when God brought you out of ICU He'd let you live with Uncle Chee Keong for decades to come.Who knew what plans He'd have? I didn't even get to say goodbye!
Aunty Daphne, you're a strong woman. You didn't blame God or letting the cancer get to you. You were ever grateful to God for giving you the extra time to be here with the ones you love after you left the care of nurses at Mt. Alvernia hospital. And of course for uncle CK who always stayed by your side. We all love you very much, you know? This separation's gonna take awhile to sink in, but we all know you won't want to see us like this. My sis is like an empty shell too, getting restless and everything...
I'm not gonna cry, I'm not. I know God has better plans for you up there... It was out of mercy that He stopped you from suffering, I know that too. And because of these, I know there should be no reason to cry...
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Thanksgiving - Job
(Something I should have completed and published long ago, but posted only now because of. Well. My mood :) )
This will be my 666th post. Gosh what a number. Not that I'm superstitious or anything, but 666 is so inappropriate for a thanksgiving post!
God has showered me with blessings these 2 weeks (hasn't He always?). Great way to start the year!
I don't feel like typing in prose form, not really. But I think I'll end up doing so, somehow.
1. I got my current job through Recruit Express, a recruitment agency.
The thing about that is, I've read a forum thread online with PAGES and PAGES of complaints from unhappy candidates who applied with RE. Things like the agent made them go down to the office for nothing, agent and applicant quarreled over the phone, agent and interviewer gave different job scopes and salary, agent didn't bother to call applicant back after unsuccessful interview etc. It's endless. I tried to read all of them but I got bored and gave up eventually.
I'm just REALLY thankful that my consultant wasn't anything like these unfortunate people (who posted on that thread) described. He was patient with me (I asked lame qns and kept asking him to repeat what he just said - "har? sorry can repeat again? can slow down?"), he called me several times a day for about a week (didn't abandon my case that fast), only asked me to go down to the office to fill up the application form and to sign the contract (i.e. only when necessary) etc.
2. Jenisse was supposed to get this job, not me.
But by God's grace, this job went to me because Jen rejected this job because she preferred the job at the Ministry of Law. Geddit?? They interviewed 8 people for this 2 temp positions under the events department at e2i, and one of them actually went to Jenisse. The other went to May, whom I'm working closely with now. If not because she opted not to work here, I would not be here! But I still think it's by God's grace that I'm at e2i. I mean, can you think of another reason why this can work out so well?
My agent actually called me up on the day of the interview to say it was not a success (major disappointment then but i thought, don't give up lah keep searching), called again to recommend my CV over to a Canadian MNC insurance company (which I approved - duh, desperate!), and called the third time that day to say "e2i want to employ you leh!!!". My voice did not betray my emotions at that time. I bet I sounded bored, haha. The next day, when I went down to sign the contract, he confirmed my suspicions that the job went to me (only) because Jen rejected it
3. Sheena also went for the same interview.
Though she did not get THIS job, again it is by God's grace that she's here and we are working under the same company. Thing is, the interviewer (who is now my supervisor/in-charge) KIV-ed her for other positions under other departments. So when she was called down for another interview, it wasn't really an interview but more of to show her around and tell her what she'll be doing. That day when she SMSed to say she was at e2i for another interview I was totally OVER THE MOON! When one door closed for her, another opened, and both doors lead to the same place, just a different room.
So here she is, working under the same company, sitting in the same temp staff room as me :) How cool is that, to have your own (ex-)classmate working under the same roof as you??
God is really amazing. Look at the way He worked things out for me when I put my trust in Him. Though I admit I did get whiny over being unemployed during my 2 weeks of doing nothing. But isn't that human nature? Still.. the colleagues... the other temps here... the events team... I thank God that He has blessed me with these wonderful people whom I will be working with for the next 5 months and 2 weeks. I can't imagine working with any other people. And my job is meaningful because of what my company does, that is, to provide aid to the unemployed. That means providing training and opportunities :)
During my second week into the job, I was involved in 3 offsite events. Toa Payoh, Yishun, and Bras Basah. O_O Again, I thank God that I'm in the events team and not like, call centre or other departments. I look at what the other temps here are doing and well, it makes me even more grateful that I'm not placed in other departments... though initially I wanted to do their very ADMIN kind of job(s). Cos' being on your feet at events really beats sitting at your desk for 8.5 hours a day. Trust me, it does.
And, how often do you get a job after just one interview???
God is good. God is good. I can't emphasise that enough. God is good.
This will be my 666th post. Gosh what a number. Not that I'm superstitious or anything, but 666 is so inappropriate for a thanksgiving post!
God has showered me with blessings these 2 weeks (hasn't He always?). Great way to start the year!
I don't feel like typing in prose form, not really. But I think I'll end up doing so, somehow.
1. I got my current job through Recruit Express, a recruitment agency.
The thing about that is, I've read a forum thread online with PAGES and PAGES of complaints from unhappy candidates who applied with RE. Things like the agent made them go down to the office for nothing, agent and applicant quarreled over the phone, agent and interviewer gave different job scopes and salary, agent didn't bother to call applicant back after unsuccessful interview etc. It's endless. I tried to read all of them but I got bored and gave up eventually.
I'm just REALLY thankful that my consultant wasn't anything like these unfortunate people (who posted on that thread) described. He was patient with me (I asked lame qns and kept asking him to repeat what he just said - "har? sorry can repeat again? can slow down?"), he called me several times a day for about a week (didn't abandon my case that fast), only asked me to go down to the office to fill up the application form and to sign the contract (i.e. only when necessary) etc.
2. Jenisse was supposed to get this job, not me.
But by God's grace, this job went to me because Jen rejected this job because she preferred the job at the Ministry of Law. Geddit?? They interviewed 8 people for this 2 temp positions under the events department at e2i, and one of them actually went to Jenisse. The other went to May, whom I'm working closely with now. If not because she opted not to work here, I would not be here! But I still think it's by God's grace that I'm at e2i. I mean, can you think of another reason why this can work out so well?
My agent actually called me up on the day of the interview to say it was not a success (major disappointment then but i thought, don't give up lah keep searching), called again to recommend my CV over to a Canadian MNC insurance company (which I approved - duh, desperate!), and called the third time that day to say "e2i want to employ you leh!!!". My voice did not betray my emotions at that time. I bet I sounded bored, haha. The next day, when I went down to sign the contract, he confirmed my suspicions that the job went to me (only) because Jen rejected it
3. Sheena also went for the same interview.
Though she did not get THIS job, again it is by God's grace that she's here and we are working under the same company. Thing is, the interviewer (who is now my supervisor/in-charge) KIV-ed her for other positions under other departments. So when she was called down for another interview, it wasn't really an interview but more of to show her around and tell her what she'll be doing. That day when she SMSed to say she was at e2i for another interview I was totally OVER THE MOON! When one door closed for her, another opened, and both doors lead to the same place, just a different room.
So here she is, working under the same company, sitting in the same temp staff room as me :) How cool is that, to have your own (ex-)classmate working under the same roof as you??
God is really amazing. Look at the way He worked things out for me when I put my trust in Him. Though I admit I did get whiny over being unemployed during my 2 weeks of doing nothing. But isn't that human nature? Still.. the colleagues... the other temps here... the events team... I thank God that He has blessed me with these wonderful people whom I will be working with for the next 5 months and 2 weeks. I can't imagine working with any other people. And my job is meaningful because of what my company does, that is, to provide aid to the unemployed. That means providing training and opportunities :)
During my second week into the job, I was involved in 3 offsite events. Toa Payoh, Yishun, and Bras Basah. O_O Again, I thank God that I'm in the events team and not like, call centre or other departments. I look at what the other temps here are doing and well, it makes me even more grateful that I'm not placed in other departments... though initially I wanted to do their very ADMIN kind of job(s). Cos' being on your feet at events really beats sitting at your desk for 8.5 hours a day. Trust me, it does.
And, how often do you get a job after just one interview???
God is good. God is good. I can't emphasise that enough. God is good.
Thursday, January 07, 2010
WHY DOESN'T ANY COMPANY WANNA HIRE ME!
Job-searching is tiring. And I'm only looking for a temp job!
New environment, new friends/colleagues, it's gonna be pretty scary for a newbie like me. I've never worked before! But still...
THANK YOU JESUS!!!
Hello, e2i! 6 months at Redhill. Oh my.
Tuesday, January 05, 2010
help
One thing I want to do this year is to be of more help to the people around me. Not be a pain in the ass.
It feels great to know how a simple act may go a long way to help someone else :)
For example.
Joel Lim's MSN nick had been stagnant as "anyone noes of a good math or chem tutor?" for more than a month. I wanted to introduce my old math tutor to him, but always felt 'lazy' to do so. I finally told Joel about Ryan, blah blah blah and 2-3 days later Joel sent me a message saying he just had tuition. Then of course he changed his nick. "YAY!!! Got Maths Tuition!!!".. I should have done this earlier though, didn't know he has a paper on the first day of school next week. Still, I'm glad I didn't leave him to hunt for his own private tutors.
It's very tempting to take the credit and say something like, "If I didn't tell Joel about Ryan, he probably would fail his supp paper." Uh uh. I know deep inside that it's more than that. If God hadn't prompted me to do something about this, he would still be struggling at this time! So the glory still goes to Him (:
Thank God also that my phone did not break down when the representatives from different job agencies called me! Sometimes when I'm on the phone with people, the other party would not be able to hear my voice whereas I still hear them. So it's like they're going "hello? hellooooo??" but what they hear is silence. hmmm. I really must take better care of my phone and stop being clumsy with it.
It feels great to know how a simple act may go a long way to help someone else :)
For example.
Joel Lim's MSN nick had been stagnant as "anyone noes of a good math or chem tutor?" for more than a month. I wanted to introduce my old math tutor to him, but always felt 'lazy' to do so. I finally told Joel about Ryan, blah blah blah and 2-3 days later Joel sent me a message saying he just had tuition. Then of course he changed his nick. "YAY!!! Got Maths Tuition!!!".. I should have done this earlier though, didn't know he has a paper on the first day of school next week. Still, I'm glad I didn't leave him to hunt for his own private tutors.
It's very tempting to take the credit and say something like, "If I didn't tell Joel about Ryan, he probably would fail his supp paper." Uh uh. I know deep inside that it's more than that. If God hadn't prompted me to do something about this, he would still be struggling at this time! So the glory still goes to Him (:
Thank God also that my phone did not break down when the representatives from different job agencies called me! Sometimes when I'm on the phone with people, the other party would not be able to hear my voice whereas I still hear them. So it's like they're going "hello? hellooooo??" but what they hear is silence. hmmm. I really must take better care of my phone and stop being clumsy with it.
Monday, January 04, 2010
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