Moving on

It's amazing, how a week can make so much of a difference. Just one week is all it takes to bring out the bipolar emotions. I am not kidding.

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Lunch after church yesterday with the girls, Cheryl, Xi Ying, and Jacelyn. The plan was to wake up for first service but XY and I failed miserably. So while we went for 2nd service, Jace and Cheryl went to Chye Seng Huat Hardware Coffee Bar. Lol.

Four of us headed to The Coffee Daily at Brighton Crescent after 2nd service ended.

Missing items

My goodness...

How can my apple speaker, JCRC room key and Seminar Room key be missing from my table?! I clearly do not remember passing them to ANYONE!

How much stranger can this be?!

Worried and panicky but it isn't going to make my stuff appear anytime soon :(  Praying really really really hard that my stuff miraculously appear :( or I am going to be in so much trouble..

I am so scared...

Mum says dad's in hospital again.

Waiting for her to reply with more details.

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11.34pm. Pushing back the awful sensation of having my tears threatening to spill out.

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To understand God's ways, we must see beyond the moment to the final work He is doing. We must never judge things prematurely. What appears to be weakness, God can transform into greatness. What seems to be loss, He can turn into gain. What looks like failure, He can turn into victory.

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How I am different from others

When upset, people binge eat. Not all, but I would say a fair number. 

Myself? I just skip meals. 

Been skipping meals regularly recently. Saves on the money, and the calories. I find it hard to will myself to go eat when I'm not hungry. 

Still healthy, though. Still alive and kicking. 

Trying damn hard to live as normally as I possibly can, because it wouldn't be fair to let my shit affect my friends' lives. Because they haven't done anything to deserve my moodiness. Because it just wouldn't be fair to them.

I'm stronger than I think.

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It's stupid to cry when i'm on the train. I will not. My eyeliner will smudge.

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It's 9.30pm and I'm on the train back to hall after meeting some course mates to shop for our own stuff and birthday presents for others. I thought I was fine when I was with them. But as the sky grew darker, so did my emotions, and once again I found myself being bitter at all the songs that were being played. Maroon 5's Payphone did it and had me
close to tears once more..

I'm only blogging now to prevent the same thing from happening this afternoon, during the journey out of hall. I find it so hard to remain calm when alone, and yet I don't want to feel like I'm pretending to be normal in front of others, when I'm clearly not.

This isn't even the full blow. I cannot how imagine how I'd feel, had it gone deeper.

These scars, they burn.

... and I let myself down by allowing the tears to fall, for the first time, over a guy.

I know it's time to surrender my broken self to the Lord, and let Him fix me. I know I should have done this a long, long time ago... yet I know it's never too late. I mean, where else can I go, right?

A few of us Christians gathered in hall just now, and as we sang At The Cross, I just could not stop myself from yearning for that completeness, that wholeness that was absent for so long. It was the second time that such a gathering was held (the first for me), and yet even in such a setting, I knew that my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ would not judge me, nor take advantage of my vulnerability. I dare say that if not for this session, as I told one of them later, I would have "cried my eyes out" tonight, more than I already had... I wasn't close to them as friends at all, yet in such a state I knew that I needed their support. Just the act of coming together in worship, sharing, and prayer, was sufficient to ease some of the heaviness I felt tonight. And for that, I'm really thankful.

Of course, there are my closer hall friends whom I know I can rely on, but in such a situation and state, I think I'm in need of more spiritual support...

I just pray that he'll be fine, too...

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At the cross I bow my knee
Where Your blood was shed for me
There's no greater love than this
You have overcome the grave
Glory fills the highest place
What can separate me now?

You tore the veil
You made a way 
When You said that it is done

Guess I should have seen this coming.

Not that I haven't, but I knew there was a possibility. Still, unwilling to deal with the cold, harsh reality of it, I pushed the thought out of my mind, trying to repress it.

My heart's damaged, bruised, and in need of healing, that's for sure.

But not enough to lead me into depression.

I know I'm stronger than that. I'm not going to cry, I'm not. Though when emotions run like this, I usually weep before I can think clearly. I'm not allowing myself to cry over you.

It probably isn't easy for you too. It's not going to be the same.

Why does it sting so much, when it wasn't even established in the first place? Why?

Till then...

First September Weekend

Decided to blog about this weekend since I just downloaded a new app (Camera+) and had some fun playing around with it :) So... Proper photos means a new blog entry with photos! Yay! Although like, right now I'm being weighed down with a ton of work.....

This post documents episodic memories. :)

We had brunch at Wild Honey at Scott's Plaza! Saw some photos of the food there, posted by some other friends on their Instagram accounts. So I wanted to try it too! We didn't make a reservation though, and ended up sitting at the bar counter facing this round pillar :( But we were served by the Caucasian boss so I felt slightly more cheered up. Haha.

Trying not to feel awkward taking photos by the pillar

I can't blur out the guy's hand behind me :(

Instagram shot :)

We ordered 2 sets of breakfast to share! Even then, the portion was really huge and we couldn't finish it! Which is rare for my cos' I usually finish my food.

English Breakfast, $24 

This is their signature dish. Scrambled eggs, back bacon, Cumberland pork sausage, sauteed mushrooms, Dad's baked beans, breakfast potatoes, grilled vine ripened tomato and signature brioche. I really liked the bacon, it wasn't as greasy as normal bacons usually are. Sauteed mushrooms make any dish perfect :D But that's just because I lovvvvvvve mushrooms. Dad's baked beans were a little spicy, but I'm not a fan of baked beans so this didn't really appeal to me; I just had 2 beans and left the rest of it there. Satisfying dish overall! 

Corsican, exclusive to Scotts Square. $22 if I remember correctly

Vegetarian. The ultimate fluffy omelette filled with goat's cheese, sheep feta cheese, shredded basil leaves and a drizzle of lavender honey with grilled ciabatta. Fluffy indeed, and the first few bites of the omelette mate me want to go on munching on more. Definitely not a dish to finish entirely on your own, though. I like cheese, but this omelette had too much of it and I felt like I was gonna barf if I had any more of it. Haha it could also be because I was really full already and was still trying to finish up my portion of the omelette. Amelia felt like it was too much cheese too. 

We sat there for quite a long time, talking and taking photos and trying to edit them! Then we left for the toilet... more photos...

Seeing double? Stupid mirror line there which drew a line down my body :(

After lunch, we went to Far East Plaza cos' I wanted to take a look at the new Hollyhoque shop there. It wasn't as crowded as I had expected. I was pretty excited for the clothes buffet at first, and had expected a crowd there as it sounded like a pretty good deal. However, it was just an area in the shop cordoned off with 4 large containers of clothes on the floor, and I didn't want to end up looking like an exhibit squatting on the floor, trying to dig for clothes to fit in the purchased envelope/bag. There were only 2 or 3 other girls in the 'buffet' area. I guess my public image (the need to portray myself as not 'auntie') was greater than my desire for good deals! Which was quite a pity.

I left the shop with just a pair of Weaved Thong sandles in the end, as I've been eyeing that pair for a long time! It was sold out in size 36 for the colour I wanted, though, so I settled for a size 37 instead. I'd rather get it in a colour I like than one which I didn't like. Was tempted to purchase a floral romper too, but decided not to.

It felt so different to see Sheila (HH owner) and her boyfriend in person and having then serve me at the cash register! Felt like I was seeing celebrities, since all these while I've just been reading Sheila's blog. Almost daily. Guess I'll be frequenting FEP more :)

The rest of the afternoon was spent walking around Far East Plaza, where Amelia bought a bralet (!!! I will never dare to wear one out) and a pretty pair of black shorts. Nothing had tempted me enough there, lol. Then we went over to Forever 21 at ION, where I tried on dresses that I thought looked nice on me, BUT size S was TOO LOOSE :( Dang, when will they ever manufacture dresses in size XS so that the UK6 girls can wear them?!! I bought a white headband with a white flower for $5 from there though, cos' I figured I need more hair accessories.

No pictures of our purchases cos' we didn't take any photos! Haha.

Then we felt guilty and headed to Starbucks at Wheelock Place to study for 3 hours.

Study also must take photo. 

I still have 1.5 chapters of Personnel Psych to read for the quiz, and I haven't even started mindmapping! :( Not to mention revision for Finance and my part for the tutorial presentation. Both quiz and presentation will take place THIS TUESDAY :'( sadgirl91. Plus, there is JCRC rally this Tuesday and Wednesday, and polling on Thursday. Busy busy busy week ahead and here I am, blogging away... I really need to get my priorities right. But I'll finish this soon!

After studying with Amelia yesterday, I headed back to Kovan first while she remained there before going to study with Ivan at Jurong East, where they were going to have overnight studying. I decided last year that overnight study just isn't going to work for me. 

Then it was supper/dinner with Wen Ming. He was walking around vivocity and nex before that while I studied with Amelia :/ We went to walk down the stretch between Kovan MRT and Serangoon JC since there were a couple of eating places open... and settled for Punggol nasi lemak (which was expensive and blehhh), and Selegie beancurd after that. We were pretty lucky cos the queue was mega short for the nasi lemak when we arrived, and extended quickly after we started eating. And we didn't have to wait long for this couple to vacate a table at Selegie. AND, the shop aunties started closing the other tables when we were halfway through our tau huey. Meaning, we made it before they started packing up! Another satisfying meal :) Then I was walked home and Wen Ming managed to catch the 3rd last 53 home :) Our lucky night indeed! No photos though.  

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This morning at LSBC, instead of the usual worship and sermon, it was a worship Sunday. I've always loved worship cos' that's how I communicate best with God :) It's also when I could really feel His presence. And yes... I will join a ministry. Which I've been procrastinating since A levels ended. 

Photos! Cheryl, Daphne and I. We sat at the 2nd row today' cos' we were late :/

Unedited. 

Then Daphne left us, and Cheryl too, cos she wasn't feeling well. First day of the month for the poor girl :( So it was Jacelyn and I... and we caught up quite a bit :) I really like speaking to her cos' she's a girl of wisdom, someone I can be accountable to for what's going on in my life, and someone who'll listen to me without judging me, and well I must say she reminds me of who I am in Christ! :) Really thankful for a cell mate like Jacelyn, who's also actively serving and working in church!

Front shot. Bad quality :( Used Phonto to add the words! 

Very obviously an Instagram shot hahaha

Don't really like this filter :(

My food. Which was meh, not that good. 

Iced HK Milk Tea 

We headed to get my hamster's food from Pet Lover's Centre at Heartland Mall, and 51 beancurd from downstairs. Then it was time for homeeeeeeeeeeee.

Omg I spent 2-3 hours editing photos (which didn't even turn out that well) and blogging. Time to pack up for hall.... and prepare for a new week ahead........ which I'm currently not prepared for, at all! :( And I still feel like blogging about D&D, and my birthday with the beloved cell group and hall friends and family! :(