I'll blog about yesterday, very briefly..
Was in school at 7.45AM and we transported all the bells and tables and scores and stands to SCH.
Technical rehearsals.. One after another.
Just when I thought I could jump into my geog book and appreciate the wonders of God's creation,
"HEY EVERYONE GET READY FOR FINALE"
or else it's,
"HANDBELL GIRLS GET YOUR BELLS AND GO BACKSTAGE NOW. STANDBY"
... ...
While my juniors and friends were high and happy,
I just couldn't feel like them.
There was something which pulled me down.
Nevertheless I gave my best at both concerts..
Reached home at almost 12AM.
Saw Persie, Priscilla, Kah Wan, Jia Yan, Yi Jia, Elizabeth Eng, Wanyi, Melissa Png, Lee Xuan, Desmond, ....
But I didn't see Joey!
Cool at least there were people.
Today I called Sarah up to accompany me to Bukit Timah Plaza.
And I got it.
Bass la, what else =)
Quite happy with this one, the sound's good and all...
But now, I'm starting to regret getting it.
For one reason:
Prata Bling. What's the use of getting a bass when my own band is talking about disbanding? In a short 2.5 months.
And I talked to Sarah...
SEEMS like she's stuck in between too.
Okay.
Remember how we started out together?
Music marathon.
At that time we were just normal friends, just a bunch of girls with big dreams. That we would not sing a capella for that half an hour.
We were not going to make do with singing along to the CD either, that's as good as just playing the tracks and standing there to fill up our slot.
So I kinda came up with, the idea of a band.
I looked for people who were promising, who looked like they would commit to this project.
And of course we couldn't just play instruments without coaching.
Timothy came into the picture, by helping us.
Oh by that time it was not decided who excatly would play for the marathon.
I still remember, Tania, Stacey and Joey trying out drums.
Tania couldn't commit herself.
Stacey dropped drums and went to bass instead.
So Joey was left with the drums and she persued her interest.
Guitarist, only Sarah could do it. Clare refused even though she had the ability.
And then bass... There was Clare, Stacey and I.
Then Clare also couldn't commit herself and it was really hard to tell her that we didn't think she should play.
Cos' at that time, Sarah, Priscilla, Joey, Stacey and I were jamming VERY regularly. Practicing hard for music marathon.
This brought us close together.
And so we remained close, we even named ourselves Prata Bling.
Oh, those times... Now it seems like such a long time ago when it happened.
And everyone was happy and we were always hanging out together.
Doing things like jamming, eating, crapping and gossiping.
(However, I tried hard not to gossip. Because.. it breaks friendships, and it wasn't pleasant in God's sight. And I wasn't that happy actually, not like it seemed when you read the above. I just felt, distanced. (or was it me distancing myself?) Whatever. I went along with the band even though I was a BIT left out. I even had thoughts of leaving the band cos' I wasn't really needed)
We got to know Syahir.
Though he only talked to us once, what he said actually impacted me alot.
He talked about how good we were as a young and all-girls band..
How unity is very important and we have to be there for one another...
Support and co-operation was important too. (isn't it the same -.-)
He proceeded to talk about how bands disband when they cannot agree and quarrel over things.
And praised us again for our positive attitude.
I was already thinking,
we won't stay like this forever. It's more than perfect, this kind of band.
Conflicts... are bound to happen, just wait.
And I hoped that day never came.
I was so wrong, it did.
One of my greatest fears came true.
And look at us now.
This is the last thing I want to see happening to you all...
LAST, really...
what a fantastic birthday present man.
How did all these start in the first place?
Different beliefs, different opinions, different interests, different choice of genres, and perhaps, backstabbing and gossiping.
This is what happens.
You start thinking of how someone should change and you have good intentions. But the problem was, you didn't know how to tell her. So you told others instead, about how to help her improve.
And then everyone starts thinking that everyone is like this and like that and they end up backstabbing each other and relationships turn awfully sour.
Okay I'm exaggerating la.
But anyway, the thing is...
words are damn powerful. They kill a person, they build a person.
Forget it I dun even know what I'm talking about.
Blogposts start to show more feelings, more opinions..
And the bloggers retaliate, each becoming more frank.
Soon, they decide that they can't take it anymore.
The sourness turns into tasteless, where one could not even taste anything.
They try to turn for help, who would want to bottle up their feelings when this kind of thing happens man..
They simply had to tell someone, they needed a listening ear.
They are Joey and Priscilla.
I'm only blogging about this now because things are getting worse.
I've heard both of them.
In other words, both spilled out lots of stuff to me.
(this is when the forgotten is remembered. out of point.)
So much, that I forget some parts of what they said.
Basically I'm in the middle and I cannot move at all.
Glued there, stuck, nailed, fastened.
I feel so lost, even though I know I'm in Singapore and safe in God's arms, and also in the centre of the conflict.
I really dunno what to do about it.
Stacey's on Joey's side, Sarah's kind of like me, just that she's slightly to one side. I wouldn't say which one.
My closest friends... ending up like this.
My closest friends saying not very nice things about each other.
My closest friends wanting to disband and go separate ways.
What about me? I'm happy with them. Disband, it's like so cannot go far at all la. I don't want to disband. Joey and Stacey want to go VK now. Which I'm not comfortable with
Other times, little arguements, can patch up very fast. Like just in a day.
Now it's totally different la. I don't even think things will improve.
UNLESS both agree to talk things out?
No, that's worse. Will just end up like those drama serials.
Sighs.
Lord, help me again!
Both are telling me stuff...
I feel for them both. But now how?
How am I supposed to handle this???
Lit lessons are gonna be so awkward, cos' our band's grouped together.
I wanna say more, but I'm reminded that this is public.
Not every single thought can be expressed here.
If you read until here, I can only say this...
you're very free.
No comments:
Post a Comment